fifregister Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Two weeks ago, after a few back and forth scheduling issues, I finally met up with this interesting and very cute guy for coffee. Coffee turned into drinks and watching basketball at a bar. This turned into dinner and video at his place. Made the mistake of having sex on this very first date. He followed up the next day and said we should get together soon. We saw each other once on the Wednesday. Also hung out last Saturday. Then I texted him to see if I can come by to say hello last Tuesday. He said he had a work thing to go to. Haven't heard from him since. I rang him on Saturday night to no answer. Is this a write off? I hate it when people do this. I can move on, no problem, but I hate the dangling open ended silence..... Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I'd say he's not interested. If he were then I would have thought he'd get back to you as soon as he could if he missed your call. It's a shame but if someone's not really bothered then they take longer to respond. No one is so busy that they can't take 5 minutes to send someone they like a 'hey whats up, want to meet up soon?' message. Ah well, live and learn it's all experience and at least you got one nice date and some sex out of it. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Two weeks ago, after a few back and forth scheduling issues, I finally met up with this interesting and very cute guy for coffee. Coffee turned into drinks and watching basketball at a bar. This turned into dinner and video at his place. Made the mistake of having sex on this very first date. He followed up the next day and said we should get together soon. We saw each other once on the Wednesday. Also hung out last Saturday. Then I texted him to see if I can come by to say hello last Tuesday. He said he had a work thing to go to. Haven't heard from him since. I rang him on Saturday night to no answer. Is this a write off? I hate it when people do this. I can move on, no problem, but I hate the dangling open ended silence..... Write him off, he'll probably contact you again when he's horny. Next time don't have sex on the first date, just to be on the safe side. Link to comment
fifregister Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 I make the same stupid mistake over and over. I think it's cool because I just came out of a relationship and could do casual sex with no feelings. Then I feel like crap afterward. The guys still call once or twice after, but it just ruins things from the beginning and rules out all possibility of anything developing. Sigh.... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 you're an adult and can make your own decisions. if you like sex early on, cool. if it bothers you that you do this, you need to change that. but this guy seems like he's not that into you to date. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I would write it off, and tell yourself to slow down. Instant sex does not equal a relationship, Take the time to get to know someone first, and realize that the best relationships start out slowly. Just my opinion... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I would write it off, and tell yourself to slow down. Instant sex does not equal a relationship, Take the time to get to know someone first, and realize that the best relationships start out slowly. Just my opinion... this is proven? OP, do what feels right to you. if it's going to work out, it will work out no matter the speed of the relationship or whether you hooked up or not. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 this is proven? OP, do what feels right to you. if it's going to work out, it will work out no matter the speed of the relationship or whether you hooked up or not. Ghost...I'm sure that it's not proven, but it works for me, and is only my opinion, which I did state in my post. Link to comment
fifregister Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 My relationships have moved at very difference paces before. I once dated someone for 3 years and didn't sleep with the person. I've had sex on the first date that turned into a 2 year relationship. Moving back to the dating arena is just so different and eye opening....Disheartening at times. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 My relationships have moved at very difference paces before. I once dated someone for 3 years and didn't sleep with the person. I've had sex on the first date that turned into a 2 year relationship. Moving back to the dating arena is just so different and eye opening....Disheartening at times. Sex on the first date does not necessarily mean that a relationship won't come of it, however the odds are not in your favor. That's why most people say to move slowly. Some men won't think it's a red flag if you have sex on the first date, but most men will, and no it's not proven but i guarantee if you polled one hundred couples more than 50 percent of them did not have sex on the first date. Of course if you are just looking for casual sex, there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. However you need expect that you may never hear from the guy again and be ok with it, which judging from your post you are not. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Here is MY personal and honest opinion. THere are some guys out there that all they wanna do is get laid with no strings attached which if thats the case both of you need to make that agreement in the first place but...... Here is my take on it. If a woman decides to have sex with me the first or even second night of meeting her i usually just take it as a fling and start to lose interest very quickly. Its not that i blame or dont respect the girl but i assume if she can do this with me than she does this often and i dont want to date someone like that. My girl made me wait almost a month and that made our connection that much stronger plus it made me want to stick around to find out what was in store. I mean were men and were not gonnna turn down sex but can it possibly pass negative judgement against the female for something long term? Yes. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 you lose interest because there was nothing there to begin with and only lusted. that's my take. if i'm into a girl i'm into her whether she sleeps with me early or not. if there is nothing there, we both got some still. hehe Link to comment
fifregister Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 Looks like I acted on impulse a couple of times, against my values, and am paying for it. Coming out of many long term relationships to a week long fling takes some adjustment time. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 you lose interest because there was nothing there to begin with and only lusted. that's my take. if i'm into a girl i'm into her whether she sleeps with me early or not. if there is nothing there, we both got some still. hehe[/quote Fair enough, but i think what we're trying to say here is that most men do not share your view on this. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 you lose interest because there was nothing there to begin with and only lusted. that's my take. if i'm into a girl i'm into her whether she sleeps with me early or not. if there is nothing there, we both got some still. hehe Fair enough, but i think what we're trying to say here is that most men do not share your view on this. and your information comes from? Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 you lose interest because there was nothing there to begin with and only lusted. that's my take. if i'm into a girl i'm into her whether she sleeps with me early or not. if there is nothing there, we both got some still. hehe I do agree with you here to an extent, especially since my ex of 2 years slept with me on the first night. LOL. Was just stating my overall opinion but sometimes we all have a tendency to cheat or stray from our opinions. haha Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 well, it's hard to click with someone these days. it usually comes down to physical. after that, there is nothing usually. nothing wrong with it, it happens. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 and your information comes from? Experience. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Experience. okay, so what part of mine did you disagree with? where i said sex doesn't matter early on and if there is something there, there is something there regardless? or because i said it's a physical act and we both got some? Link to comment
fifregister Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 Two schools of thought, I think bebeblondie is probably right in saying that guys tend to value the interaction a lot less if there's sex right away. Ghost69 If there is something there in the beginning, then it would be there regardless? I think it has to be strong enough to overcome the whole stigma of first date sex. I'm too open to experience and what I thought I knew, I have to learn again. It stings just a little.....like a few hundred paper cuts. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 okay, so what part of mine did you disagree with? where i said sex doesn't matter early on and if there is something there, there is something there regardless? or because i said it's a physical act and we both got some? I actually somewhat agree that if there is something there to begin with sex early on (and by early on I mean possible first or second date) might not ruin anything, however I still think it's a better idea to wait (but that's just my opinion). The thing is for a woman jumping into bed with a man who she barely knows and has no idea whether or not she'll ever see him again is not a good idea. I say this because as we all know woman typically have an emotional attachment to sex where as men don't. If the woman feels that she is going to be ok with whatever happens, then by all means go ahead but if you are gonna feel like crap and regret the fact that you slept with the guy when or if you don't hear from him again, then don't hop into bed with him. BTW I see nothing wrong with having a one night stand or a FB if both parties agree that is all it is. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Two schools of thought, I think bebeblondie is probably right in saying that guys tend to value the interaction a lot less if there's sex right away. Ghost69 If there is something there in the beginning, then it would be there regardless? I think it has to be strong enough to overcome the whole stigma of first date sex. I'm too open to experience and what I thought I knew, I have to learn again. It stings just a little.....like a few hundred paper cuts. Well said...the good thing about paper cuts is they heal pretty quickly lol Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 sounds like we are actually in 100% agreement. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I just got out of a...hmm, I don't know what it was. I was seeing a guy for a month and a half, and all we did was hook up. We had a real "date" the first night, and I made the mistake of sleeping with him. The chemistry was amazing and the sex was incredible, but I got miffed because I told him about this personal tragedy I'm going through, and he didn't seem to really care. Made me feel like I was just a booty call, and I didn't want that. A male friend of mine said that, men compartmentalize much more than women. Once a woman ends up in the booty call category, it's very hard for her to work her way into the longterm rel'ship potential category. More than 1 of my male friends has told me this. I tried to work my way out of it with this guy because I did genuinely like him, but I guess it didn't work. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 ^^^^your friend is right, to a certain extent. just because you slept with the guy doesn't mean he wasn't into you. he could have changed his mind for any number of reasons. it just so happens you had sex as a coincidence. he could have been turned off by what you told him, the way you acted, your family situation, anything really. most guys will not deny sex, even if they aren't into the girl. i'm guilty of this too. Link to comment
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