Cannot cope anymore

[xhannahbx]

My boyfriend broke up with me almost 6 months ago after he met someone else. They're still together, and although he now lives a plane journey away I can't seem to get over him. We were together almost three years, we shared everything together and I grew up into the woman I am with him. Without him I'm not sure who I am meant to be. Since he left I've been hanging out with friends more, meeting new people, seeing new guys but on the other hand I have also been drinking more. Every week he uploads new photos of him and his new girlfriend, who I can't help but feel inferior to. He even has photos of the two of them in bed together. I feel like I need to move on, but each time I'm close he'll make contact and we'll spend hours talking about how good we were together and he even complains that his new girlfriend plays games and messes him around.

 

Has anyone got any advice to help me move on? I really don't think I can carry on like this.

[Yodabell]

It would help you if you stop looking at photos of him and his new girlfriend. Delete him from your facebook or myspace or wherever it is that you're looking at the photos.

 

Don't contact him, and explain to him that you would prefer not to hear from him. Just tell him kindly that you still care about him, but you need to move on and that the best way for you to do this is to get on with your own life, focus on yourself, and live without him as a part of your life.

 

This really is the only way. Maybe some therapy to work on yourself in another couple of months if you are still struggling? Take care.

[Duckie198100]

You need to stop letting him hurt you. I'm sure you feel wonderful and connected every time you talk to him, but then go back to being sad when you're not. It's opening that wound back up over and over. You can't move on unless you get him out of your life. Stop looking at the pictures, stop taking his calls. Find yourself and what makes you happy beyond him. He's using you as a sounding board when things aren't going well with his new GF and that is not a place you want to be.

[becca0194]

I also suggest to stop looking at the photos. If you completely cut him out of your life, it will help. That includes looking at his facebook account (or whichever one he uses), and any other connection. It will help take a few more steps forward. Everytime you see a pic of him and his girlfriend, it is a step backwards. Ask yourself why you are looking them? What good comes from that? Hang in there. I know how hard this is because I have been in the same shoes.

[IMAbadman]

Hun you're hanging in limbo by your own choice. Quit the cyber stalking and as someone else mentioned... quit talking to the guy. Move on with your life. He's moved with his. If he really cared he would let you go so that you could be happy too.

[Qut81]

I do the same thing. I check his facebook/myspace and for what? It just hurts me more to see women writing on his wall or even pics. Sometimes I have that feeling like I have to know what hes up too, but even if he was with another girl, what am I going to do about it?

 

Try avoiding myspace and facebook, not even to check your own acct. Just until that feeling passes. The reason I say not to check yours because if your on yours, then you will say "Well let me just check his really quick".

 

Dont worry, you will get over this. It will just take some time and effort.

[becca0194]

I agree not to even sign on to facebook. Just take a break. You can go back when you are stronger. I thankful me or my ex never did the facebook thing. His brother has one and on occasion I peek. There is never anything there that hurts me, but just brings back memories and I get mad at myself for even peeking.

 

I do the same thing. I check his facebook/myspace and for what? It just hurts me more to see women writing on his wall or even pics. Sometimes I have that feeling like I have to know what hes up too, but even if he was with another girl, what am I going to do about it?

 

Try avoiding myspace and facebook, not even to check your own acct. Just until that feeling passes. The reason I say not to check yours because if your on yours, then you will say "Well let me just check his really quick".

 

Dont worry, you will get over this. It will just take some time and effort.

[renaissancewoman101]

Do you want to stay friends with him? Just curious. It seems he does still want you in his life. It depends whether you can handle it or not.

[viajera]

All I can say is - what Yodabell said:

 

It would help you if you stop looking at photos of him and his new girlfriend. Delete him from your facebook or myspace or wherever it is that you're looking at the photos.

 

Don't contact him, and explain to him that you would prefer not to hear from him. Just tell him kindly that you still care about him, but you need to move on and that the best way for you to do this is to get on with your own life, focus on yourself, and live without him as a part of your life.

 

This really is the only way. Maybe some therapy to work on yourself in another couple of months if you are still struggling? Take care.

[Ms.Lady]

Hey I can relate to your story.. I'm sorta going through the same thing. The only way you will truly move on is to have no contact whatsoever.If it means changing your number so he can't call and deleting his number from your cell, do it!Don't check up on his facebook,myspace etc accounts because all of these things are setting you back. If you have to avoid myspace and facebook altogether do it so you can move forward in your life. It's hard at first, trust me I know because I'm going through it. But you have to delete anything that reminds you of him. Now is a good time to get majorly involved in some sort of activity or hobby daily so you won't spend a lot of time to think about him. Good luck

[Thornbirds18]

Why do you check on his personal webpages? It only hurts you when you do it. Cut off ALL things related to him. I put all the stuff in my computer (like pictures, etc) into my backup drive and all the other things into the storage so that I won't be reminded of. It's good that he doesn't have a facebook nor myspace page. So basically I don't know anything about him. I don't want to know either.

[Tanzi]

Do you want to stay friends with him? Just curious. It seems he does still want you in his life. It depends whether you can handle it or not.

 

It doesn't sound as though you can handle it. Staying in contact with him certainly hasn't helped you in moving on from him. You need to disconnect him from your life in every which way. No more cyberstalking, no more telephone calls, no more texting. It will be hard and as someone else said will take a lot of effort but you will find the strength to do it. Good luck

[xhannahbx]

I would love to stay friends with him, but at the same time how could we be friends when I am still 100% totally in love with him. I doubt I can handle it anymore, it's killing me and I've passed up two wonderful guys since because they were nothing like my ex.

 

I'll really try with the facebook/myspace/bebo/msn thing. As for the number, it's been deleted for the past few months already which is a very good step (Y)

 

And for all of you going through this, I think its fantastic that you feel like you are recovering. I hope I can feel like that soon

[Clabs]

Hi there - oh - and welcome to ena!

 

That is very wise - whilst you still have romantic feelings for him you will be on a hiding to nothing trying to remain friends with him - it just doesn't work.

 

That is some good advice you have been given there to stay away from all those social network sites as far as possible. It is amazing just how many people on here were doing so well, they went and looked at fartbook or whatever and it just sent themselves spiralling backwarks again.

 

You can get through this, as tough as it may be at times, but come back here often for your inspiration to keep you moving forward, eh? It won't be long, but just be pateint with yourself because it won't happen overnight - but it WILL happen.

 

Good luck!

 

Mark

[Tanzi]

I would love to stay friends with him, but at the same time how could we be friends when I am still 100% totally in love with him. I doubt I can handle it anymore, it's killing me and I've passed up two wonderful guys since because they were nothing like my ex.

 

I'll really try with the facebook/myspace/bebo/msn thing. As for the number, it's been deleted for the past few months already which is a very good step (Y)

 

And for all of you going through this, I think its fantastic that you feel like you are recovering. I hope I can feel like that soon

 

 

Believe me, you cant. I did it for 8 long months. The only purpose it served was to prolong my pain and the inevitable agony. I have ended it now for the very reason you said above - it was slowly killing me. There is no getting away from the fact that it will probably be one of the hardest things you ever have to do but if you are like me then you will feel quite proud of the fact that you found the strength to do it and took control back over your life. That in turn will give you the strength to carry it through. It wont be easy but if I can do it, anyone can.

 

They are in a much better position to move on than us as we, effectively, are still clinging onto them - so what happens when they do move on? I couldn't hang around any longer to wait for that to happen, could you?

 

Its only fair that we give ourselves the opportunity to move on too and I think we can only do that if we cut all ties completely and see them for what they are, - an ex not a friend. Maybe one day when I am truly healed I may contact him and we can be friends in the true sense of the word ... but NOT until that day and maybe never.

 

You will feel better one day. Its a cliche I know but time is a great healer. I wish you all the best of luck.

[Mr_BabyBlade]

You wont be able to move on unless you stop torturing yourself. I'm going through the same thing at the moment and I had been doing the facebook thing for months where I had seen photos which were really painful to say the least. When I do have to see my ex she asks me if I had seen photos on facebook regarding things she was upto. Shes been with this guy from her university course ever since we broke up almost 6 months ago. It's like she got some satisfaction from that she knew it was painful for me. Trust me, looking at photos on facebook or similar will make things worse not better even though your curiosity can be a very powerful thing. Knowing what your ex is doing all the time just sets you back. I sometimes have to fight myself in order not to log onto those kind of things. Don't do it! stay strong and don't contact, kill the curiosity and do things that make YOU happy.