Another bump in the road

[needs]

It's been around 9 months since I last saw her. We broke up 10 months ago. She left for someone else and just turned cold on me. I've been doing fine lately but still think about ehr everyday. Then Friday night came. Completely at random I see her at a bar which I would never think that she would be at nor did I ever think i'd be at. It was a very random night and we decided to stop by this bar which was far from where I live. There she was right there.

 

I didn't know how to handle it but I said hi and that was it. She looked nervous and shocked but then she was around me the whole night. I kept feeling her looking at me but she never came over to talk. I never looked at her the entire night, I made sure I stayed with my friends and didn't worry about what she was doing. Maybe I shouldve talked to her? I don't know. But now I feel like she broke up with me all over again and it sucks.

[IMAbadman]

Don't sweat it. We all have been there. You owe her nothing. She walked out of your life...

[needs]

Don't sweat it. We all have been there. You owe her nothing. She walked out of your life...

 

 

 

Your absolutely right, Just don't know why I can't kick that feeling of wanting ehr back or thinking about her at all. I've dated a few different girls lately and I still can't kick it. It's very aggravating

[IMAbadman]

That's love. Doesn't come easy, doesn't go easy.

 

In time you'll find it in someone else.

[Coyote9]

You played it perfectly. It feels like a setback, but as you said, it's a bump. What you felt was totally natural and very frustrating, because, for a time, it feels like you're back at the beginning. But you aren't. It doesn't matter what she thought or whatever. I saw my ex in person for the first time in over 2 years last week. I didn't do anything other than try to be attentive at the business meeting we were both in, although I did notice that I didn't have that pit-in-my stomach feeling around her like I would have the first year or so after the breakup. She appeared very uncomfortable and left right afterwards without saying a word. It bothered me for about 10 minutes, then I forgot about it. In a day or two, this will be behind you as well. Keep going man...sounds like you are on course...

[needs]

Thanks...I think you guys are right. She looked to me very nervous and didn't wantt o make eye contact. My sister made a good point. She said it's becasue she's a liar. That's what liars do. They squarm and try to avoid situations that they put themselves in. She burnt her bridge with me. I'd be fine having a normal conversation with her even though i'm not completely over it. But honestly, I don't owe her anything like you guys said. She walked out on me and lied. She deserves to be ignored by me.

[Coyote9]

Thanks...I think you guys are right. She looked to me very nervous and didn't wantt o make eye contact. My sister made a good point. She said it's becasue she's a liar. That's what liars do. They squarm and try to avoid situations that they put themselves in. She burnt her bridge with me. I'd be fine having a normal conversation with her even though i'm not completely over it. But honestly, I don't owe her anything like you guys said. She walked out on me and lied. She deserves to be ignored by me.

 

You hit it on the head....mine was a liar too...but I refused to believe that even after the breakup. Other people (like your sister) can observe that behavior in our ex's from a mile away, but because we are in love, we are blinded to the reality of it, and are surprised when they leave us as they do. I know my ex from 2 years ago went on and actually married the next guy...poor s.o.b....he has to deal with the fact that he'll likely not make her happy either because she uses men to bolster her self esteem and has no idea who she is. Your ex sounds much the same way. Always planning an exit, always running away. The squirming and inability to maintain eye contact are always telltale signs...She deserves to be ignored.

[intolerable]

My ex would sometimes act like this whenever we meet. It's like.. when I'm there, he's either quiet or really loud. And he seems anxious. O_O exes can be a bit strange.

[needs]

"she uses men to bolster her self esteem and has no idea who she is"

 

 

What a line, that's her. Crazy how you described her and you don't even know her! haha looks like there's a lot of girls out there who are like this. My ex had many long term bf's in the past and cheated on many. Fell in love with me and come to find out cheated on me 3 times and is now with the one she cheated on me last with. So I wonder if she uses men to bolster her self esteem? Sounds like it. I'm glad i'm not in that situation anymore I really am. I just don't know why it still bothers me, probably the betrayel

[Coyote9]

Yes, you can be very grateful that you are out. The tough issue for me is, I seem to be attracted to a particular type of personality that it sounds like both our ex's are that is very seductive. I'm sure at the beginning, your ex made you feel like you were someone very special, even as you heard the stories about her past and how she'd exited previous situations, like me, you thought that was all behind her.

 

I think many of us here are hopeless romantic types...we want to believe that what we feel as we are swept away and down the river of that initial powerful phase of infatuation is in fact real love. People like our ex's come on so strongly and sincerely at the beginning that it feels like the real thing.

 

Yet, someone with a history of not being able to sustain a committment or who cheats is not someone to be trusted. They are always hedging their bet and yet they are so convincing (even to themselves) that what they feel is love that it's easy for us to lose ourselves completely in that. It's hard, because I know I'm not attracted to very many women, and yet I can see a real pattern in the type of woman I'm choosing, and the manner in which my relationships end. You can see her and your relationship now for what it was...it hurts, because we would like to believe that our love can change someone. Unfortunately, our intentions mean little. You saw her the way she really is at the bar the other night. Likely the same way she was with you. You just didn't see it when you were with her.

[doc wannabe]

My ex would sometimes act like this whenever we meet. It's like.. when I'm there, he's either quiet or really loud. And he seems anxious. O_O exes can be a bit strange.

 

Aren't we all ex's at some point, though? Ex's act strange in a situation like that because it's uncomfortable all around. Just my 2 cents.

[needs]

I'm dealing with the same problem. The girls im attracted to are this type. Come on strong and leave you hanging at the end. The love is so strong in the beginning and it feels so good but then it gets so bad. Every other woman I have tried to date that is not like this bores me to sleep. I hope to find another girl that is just as fun but doesn't have all these negative attributes.

[intolerable]

Aren't we all ex's at some point, though? Ex's act strange in a situation like that because it's uncomfortable all around. Just my 2 cents.

 

Oh you're right. I guess in his eyes I did act strange too.

[needs]

I don't ever want to run into her ever again. She had nothing to say to me then and nor do I, so why ever look in her direction again. If she wanted to talk she would have come up and said something but she didn't. So she doesnt care. 2 years of a relationship and she doesn't even care. Thats what hurts i guess. I'm just waiting for that day the pit in my stmach will go away in those situations and I'll be over her. I don't know why after 10 months it hasnt.

[Coyote9]

I think you're closer to being out of it than you think needs...you're sick and tired of it, of thinking about her, of feeling that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, etc. It's all stuff that needs to come out, and I think the anger and disgust at her and the entire situation is the last phase before apathy. At some point, you'll determine you're tired of this person and how she treated you at the end of the relationship. You'll realize (as I did in my relationship that ended about 2 years ago) that your done with her.

 

It usually takes me about half the time to get over someone that the relationship was long. You're almost out of the woods my friend...