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Hi all, I'm new here,


jbr666

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Am I being totally unreasonable.

 

On Saturday, my girlfriend went out to the bar with a "male friend" We are skint at the minute so he was paying. She left me at home with nothing to go out with this guy, and other friends (apparently) and didn't come home till Sunday at 10PM.

 

I told her that I want to break it off, I'm not ok with this sort of treatment. She says I am trying to control her..

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Welcome to eNotALone.

 

It's funny how often people do wildly inappropriate things and then play the 'you're controlling" card when their partner objects.

 

And you aren't trying to control her - you are just dumping her.

 

And so you should.

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Of course you are right, thanks so much for the swift response.

 

I'm gutted though, this really isn't what I want. I want her to stay and treat me right, but I guess deep down I know that will never happen.

 

I would never go out and leave her alone with nothing, not with anyone, never mind another girl. Love's about how you treat someone, right?

 

She just breezed in last night like nothing had happened, went straight to the shower, which made me suspicious. After 30mins or so of just sitting in relative silence (I was seeting inside, but had already made my mind up to end it) we went to bed. I said I didn't want to do this any more, she says "Do what?" I told her I didn't want to be with her any more. She just said "I'll talk to you about it tomorrow, I'm tired. But I'm not moving out"

 

We rent the apartment together, although only my name is on the lease. What the hell do I do if she won't leave?

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Have her evicted, but it would be easier to just give the landlord the 30-day notice that you are leaving and move to a new place without her. This is the problem with moving in with someone. How do you move out if it doesn't work out?

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I am gutted about this TBH. I am dreading going home to an argument, and at the same time I wish I could just talk to her and sort it out yet am raging with anger and convinced that she has been with someone else.

 

Sorry to moan

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Since it is only your name on the lease then the chances are that you can evict her very quickly. You may need to get advice about that - but very often the requirements for evicting someone are different if you share accommodation rather than a normal landlord/tenant arrangement.

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To be honest, yes.

 

When I think back over the history of us knowing each other, I think I must have been crazy to ever get involved with this girl at all. When we first met, she was adamant that she had no interest in getting into a relationship with any one. She was sleeping around and incredibly nutty and unpredictable/unreliable. I cut off contact with her on more than one occasion because I was starting to feel strongly about her, and certain I was going to get hurt. Sometimes she would seek me out and sometimes I would seek her out. Looking back, I was and still am very vulnerable from the bad breakup of a long term relationship that ended about 2yrs before I met her. That one was over ten yrs long, since I was 18.

 

But after a while, I felt strong enough to stick to my boundaries, able not to let myself be lost in the relationship. I was getting a lot more grown up about my attitude to relationships and love and felt that I could handle it. Most of the time she seems very commited, and she had me convinced that this is what she really wants.

 

Once or twice we have had heated arguements about her going out a lot with her friends, and in particular her relationship with this one male friend. She seemed to have taken these on board and things were going quite well. I mean, if I was going out with friends and had any idea that it would perhaps be an all night thing, say a dance club or a big party, I'd have no qualms about saying " I don't think I'll be back tonight" or if she said the same I could handle it. But this was different. We were both at home, broke. She allowed another guy to take her out and buy all her drinks for the night, she even said at noon on Saturday "I'll only be a little while" then stayed out till 10 PM the next night.

 

I was left sitting at home alone, thinking "where is she, who is she with. I wonder when she will be back"

 

I just can't allow myself to be put through that. At this point I am determined to end it and not let her, but I guess I'll have to wait and see.

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Oh my, please get out of this realtionship! I was treated very similar to this in my last realtionship, only i didnt get out! I turned into a nagging, unlovable, insecure shadow of my former self. His lack of respect for my feelings really destroted my self confidence. When he left, he left to be 'free' of the arguements, said this had made him fall out of love with me. For a long time i thought it was me and still hate the person i turned into. But every action has a reaction. And if she really doesnt see that treating you like this is wrong and not acceptable to you, or worse, doesnt care, then hard as it may be, please be strong and leave her.

 

This behaviour over time can really knock your self confidence if you dont do anything about it. Really feel for you and wish you luck xx

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so i got home and asked her.

do you see that you did something wrong this weekend?

 

she just looked at the floor and said

no. no i didn't. i was out with my friends. you could have come. i couldn't ask you before i left cos Danial was buying the drinks and I coudln't ask you along.

 

stop trying to control me yadayadayada

 

then theres nothing else to discuss, i said.

 

she is refusing to leave. lawyers office tomorrow for me i'm afraid

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If she doesnt see that she has done anything wrong or that it is not acceptable to you and bad for your relationship, then she will keep doing it. The more you want her not to the more she will pull away and things will only get worse, but thats only from my experience. Dont let her walk all over you, she'll lose respect for you and you'll lose respect for yourself.

 

Get some decent legal advice, but i suggest that when she sees that you really mean business you wont need to use it. Good luck x

 

 

 

(Then she may be angry, then shocked, then cry and apologise and say it'll never happen again, you'll take her back and it'll start all over again!!! LOL I'm not bitter, honest )

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sounds plausable. but I don't think so.

 

One big turning point was a while ago when she argued the point that mates are forever, relationships come and go. Also that monogamy is a petty bourgois invention to enslave women.

 

 

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sounds plausable. but I don't think so.

 

One big turning point was a while ago when she argued the point that mates are forever, relationships come and go. Also that monogamy is a petty bourgois invention to enslave women.

 

 

she said that?

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lol. aye. you're probably right. Also when this guy friend was round and the two of them were arguing with me how unnatural monogamy is and how they would never abide by it....

 

 

I'm a silly boy

 

that and Daniel the "male friend" at and argued that monogamy was nonsense and neither of them would ever hold to it

 

 

 

i am a silly boy

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Er, ok get rid of her and him!!!! What a***holes!! Women make statements like that to let themselves off for being, how can i say it? er 'free' with their 'love' and if you dont agree with this attitude then she's not the one for you.

 

x

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wow man! GOOD JOB on standing your ground. that is so messed up for her to be gone all that time and not even find anything wrong with it. If my girl did that to me i would do the same. She obviously doesnt care about what you think or feel. She wants a boyfriend at her convenience but besides that she just wants to be a free bird who spreads her lovin. Keep us posted and do your dardest to kick her out. Thats your place!

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See what the lawyers says but one option might be to pack all her stuff up and put it in locker or storage and change your locks.

 

Do not do this OP. She has rights as a tenant in the apartment, on the lease or not. She has the right to a 30 day eviction, just as she has the right to legally slam you if you mess with her stuff or change the locks to a residence that hers until you evict her LEGALLY. Many states have squatter's rights, and even if yours doesn't she has rights that the above advice violates. You don't want legal trouble over a breakup, be smart.

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