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I've finally closed the chapter


Rickster

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Hi guys,

 

I used to post in ENA a while back. Some of you guys probably wouldn't recognise who I am as I used to post in the "Getting back together" and the "Healing after break up or divorce" section. Well my story goes back to when I was 16 turning 17 and my one and only ex broke up with me. I was traumatised by this event and subsequently loss all the dignity left in me (not that I had much in the first place). I'll tell you the extent of the devastation I had to endure... it was 2 years, and I couldn't get over it. It left a bitter taste in my mouth for such a long time that bitterness became part of my life.

 

I had nothing left in my life. Friends... all gone and left me because I couldn't care less for them while I was in a relationship. Family... I had a dysfunctional family, one who didn't care for me conditionally. What's worse was that they started probing me when I depressed. I symbolised it as being so superficial when others would see that they cared for me. Hobbies... yes I had soccer in my life which relieved me, thank god.

 

With education taking a lot out of me, I soon focused on my studies. I had nothing to lose anyway, I had to spend my time well considering that I had so much time on my hands, so I gave it a shot. I never had spectacular results. But after that semester, and with all that hard work, I achieved great results. Over the past few semesters I've been achieving results I've never had before. I got so engrossed in it that I forgot and left a lot of the bad experience with the break up behind. Not that I totally forgot it, but it was clouded and hidden somewhere deep in my brain.

 

Fast forward four years later, by this time, I knew I would never have her back. Which is such a drastic change of thought since back in the days. By this time too, my emotions were more subdued, and I was thinking more rationally. However, I hadn't let go of the past that fast. If something reminded me of my ex or the break up, say an experience that someone had, I got those ugly moments thrown in my face again and I suddenly become bitter over the past. I was over it, but somehow, I was not. As of late, my ex and I speak on and instant messenger about every few months so keep in touch with what has been happening. We never got into the sensitive issues like our past and what we did, although we did apologise for both our wrong doings. But just the other day, she messaged me asking what I was up to, and she told me a brief overview of the stuff she did while I was not in touch with her. And then she asked what I was up to. I told her my story and how I was upset over a girl that I liked (which is also part of my growth because I hadn't had feelings for anyone since she broke up with me) but nothing eventualised from it. We somehow dug up the past and that's when our closure begun. I got rid of the beast in the closet just with that conversation, and we said our sorries to each other; both of us accepting the blame for the break up.

 

Just with that, I felt that after a long agonising 4 years, I've finanly managed to close the chapter shut. I feel happy for her and for myself (although I do have things in my life that elude me now). I've moved on and learned so much from that experience. Someone once asked me "if I had the chance, would I go through all of that again?". My initial response was no, because I was stuck in the past, it was much better than what I have today. But just with that little conversation I would now say that I would not mind re-living through those experiences as it made me a stronger person, both emotionally and rationally.

 

I've grown just so much in these 4 years that I rather myself as a person now than I was 4 years ago. *sigh of relief*

 

Thanks for listening

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Someone once asked me "if I had the chance, would I go through all of that again?". My initial response was no, because I was stuck in the past, it was much better than what I have today. But just with that little conversation I would now say that I would not mind re-living through those experiences as it made me a stronger person, both emotionally and rationally.

 

Great post! This part particularly struck me. I think embracing the outcome is one of the last steps before one can move on. I also went through suffering (and still somewhat am) but it got a lot easier when I understood that the wisdom I have gained greatly outweights the pain and losses. And it could not have gone otherwise. It took the "old broken me" to get connected with my ex and current me would never have even met her or developed any serious feelings. So how can I even be bitter to anyone?

 

I am actually pretty proud of myself. I know a lot of people that jump from relationship to relationship never learning anything. Always blaming the other. Or getting so bitter that they cannot attach to people anymore. I was blessed somewhat to turn my moment of darkness into learning experience that will help me till the last day of my life.

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