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Allright, First of all, thank you to all the people on this site. I've been reading some forums here and there is some great advice.


My ex and I broke up (I broke up with her) about 6 months ago. Basically, I was going though some hard times (post college blues: friends moving away, no job or money etc.) and felt like i needed to start over. Her and I really had an amazing relationship for a long time, we had been dating fr 3.5 years and but i (and her too) stopped being all there towards the end. For a few months, we would still see each other, kiss and hang out, try to have fun. Nothing was really changing and slowly we grew further apart to the point that we are not that close anymore. She slowly got a little over me. I say a little because I know for a fact she hasn't completely. She still has my apartment keys, I have her car keys, I sleep on a bed she gave me and, as far as I know, she might still have a picture of us on her desk at work (?). About a month ago, I came over to surprise her and ended up losing it a little in front of her, basically saying how hard this all is and I asked her out on a date and tried to kiss her but she turned her head. The whole time she had red eyes and didnt want to go on a date but said we could hang out. I asked her if she was seeing someone else, she shook her head no. After I got over it, we ended up having a nice conversation actually. I left, felt like * * * * and decided to go NC for as long as I could. About 10 days later, she calls me late at night, pretty drunk because her and her friend where locked out, so I came to pick them up and she slept with me and cuddled. a few days later she called me and talked with me for 30 minutes, the longest conversation we've had in months. This was about a week ago. A few days ago, called her to see if she wanted to hang out sometime and she came over soon after. we went out, generally had a good time. I realized how hard everything was on her and that she wasnt all that happy where she is but i wonder if she is just saying that around me. Just today i found out that she was excited to get a guys number, which made me lose it again.


I still really love her. I love the way she sees the world and the type of person she is. I've been working on myself and have gotten alot better, though not all there yet. I've been through a few break ups before and this s by far the easiest but, of course, it still really hurts. I want to give her all the space she needs and above all want to learn to have fun with her again and hopefully, slowly, be back into her life, somehow. I don't think either of us is ready to get back together, but i just want to have fun with her again and not dwell on the past. When we hung out last, I felt on top of the world because it gave me hope again. I dont want to do No Contact again. I just want us to be excited to hear from each other and not have any (or as much) lingering in the background, keeping us from having a good time. Does anyone have any advice or similar stories/experiences? I would love to hear some! Thank you!

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I have a similar story sort of. My ex-husband and I are kind of friends now mainly because we share a daughter but the truth is he could be an ass and exclude me but instead he's kind and includes me (he got custody). Today I went to a dance performance of hers and his fiance was there along with his parents and we all went out for ice cream afterwards. I didn't feel ackward at all, though I probably should have. But the fact is we're divorced, I don't want him back, he doesn't want me back. Okay a small part of me does want him back but I divorced him so no one would think that. And his finace was nice. I wasn't sure how she'd handle or even does handle it but the fact is we are amicable people. Unusual for sure, but we had our peroid of no contact, of little contact, and now we're on friendly little contact terms. Early on he was the one I called when I was in need of help, but that has since changed. Not entirely my best friend called him on my behalf when my battery died, because he works nearby where I live. But he didn't have the tools necessary and didn't come.


Basically you have to ween off each other. Then maybe you can be friends. But it's not easy to be friends with someone you once slept with. It's ackward, or can be. I don't know if we'd be friends if our daughter weren't around. I likely would have relocated out of state and been done with him. But she has kept me here and thus involvement in her life requires involvement to a lesser degree in his. Now I'm not on such kind terms that I'm invited to his wedding. But we're amicable by most divorcees terms.

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Thanks Jetta...


I appreciate your story. I think I just need to let go of her and not have any expectations ore even imagine my future with her at this point... It just really isn't fair. If her and I ever consider getting back together, it'll be for the long haul and we really should straighten our own lives out before that happens...


I just wish I could fast forward some time to get over the hurt.

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i have the same story bro 4 yrs ,its been two months. we were in touch meeting up but i didnt really see how badly the breakup affected her. when i started seeing other girls it crushed her,seeing me out with others. well today she left for a different country,and i feel how she felt when i left her. i realise now that we should have stayed to together and worked tings out like we always did,bad patches never seem so bad when u have ur love on the other side. i lost my job friends moved away felt like i needed time to sort my life out,in retrospect i should have let her help me. if u can salvage ur relationship, do. it is too late for me and it hurts when its too late

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Thanks PaulWalker, I'm going to really try. I dont know if it will happen... we'll see. I'm just playing the waiting game now, hopefully next time we see each other it'll be nice.


Today was a good day, didn't think about it all the time, hopefully it will continue...


Paul, good luck by the way. It is never too late. I'm sure she'll be back from the other country eventually right? maybe it'll give you guys the distance you need to heal and learn to love yourselves and each other again. One of my good friends went through a tough break up, left for another country for a year, came back and moved in with her ex and their relationship is really good now. Maybe its a good thing??? Hope you feel better soon bro.

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A little update...


It was my birthday a few days ago and I left for the long weekend to go camping with friends, which was fun... but i kept thinking about her. she contacted me the day before my birthday, it was a real nice short conversation and she basically said to have a good weekend so i wasnt expecting to hear from her for a while. I didnt have my phone on me on my birthday (which was a good thinking considering i really wasnt sober). she called me twice, i obviously missed it both times. I called her the next day and we talked briefly, she was getting ready to go out and couldn't talk. i started reading way too much into it, couldn't stop thinking about it and called her the next day. she was pretty distant again, i told her i missed her, there was silence and she said she'd talk with me later. I really messed up by calling her again, wish i wouldn't have done that.


I really do miss her but i cant think about it like that right now. If i'm having fun, and not faking it, she'll want to hang out/talk with me. but i cant think about it as a way to get her back, just to enjoy my life again/more. nobody likes a needy guy.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Allright, time to do a quick update because i havent written in a while.


So about 5 days after i contacted her i found out she was interested in dating this one guy and I freaked out. Just the day before i was given some advice to apologize profusely for breaking up with her and causing her pain if i wanted her back. which i did, and still do. I went over to her place that night at midnight, almost hyperventelating, called, no answer (i saw her pick up the phone, see it was me and put it down). I even went next to her window and cried out her name, no response (her window was open). I left a message saying its been far too hard on me and i need some space and the next time we should see each other is when i'm healed. The crying/weakness of course was a mistake but i feel like the space from the note wasn't. I won't be contacting her anytime soon, especially cuz now she's officially in a relationship with the guy on facebook, 3 weeks after meeting him. I'm pretty sure its a rebound thing but there is no guarantee. It might be a good thing cuz now she has someone to compare me too.


The most important part is to move on for me. Only when i'm happy can her and I have a normal conversation and most importantly, only then can i feel good. I'll be doing NC for a while, until i wake up in the morning and i dont think of her first thing. There is still alot of hope...

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