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What is going through my ex girlfriends head? help please


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This is fairly long so sorry if it takes up a bit of time. this is just eating away at me and i need some advice or some perspective because ive never been so confused.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. My best friend is also one of her

best friends and she trusts him alot.(but he is always going to be on my side and tell me pretty much everything she devulges to him about me). We broke up about a month ago and after a week she eventually told my friend that she is still in love with her ex boyfriend (who lives in another state), and she said she wasnt ready for another relationship. She felt i was starting have stronger feelings for her than she was me. Which is probably true to a certain extent- she is a great catch.

i brought the ex boyfriend thing up with her and told her i understand- i've been through a long distance break up and its hard when you only break up coz of distance. its one of the hardest things to go through as a young adult/human being.

although im still very attracted to this girl physically (we had a fantastic sexual relationship), it was moving very fast and she clearly wasnt ready for anything too serious and she could see i was starting to like her alot. we were sleeping over 4 nights a week and hanging out every day etc...i just cant feel the same way when i know she still feels that way about her ex.

 

Anyway, through the break up my friend has been the go between person for alot of communication between us (poor guy is stuck in the middle).

As i said earlier, she trusts him with what she says and doesnt realise how much information he is telling me.

i might add that the day after she broke up with me ( she dumped me), she came over to talk about it, and after sitting on the couch next to her for an hour talking about it, we had sex for about 2 or 3 hours. i mean really passionate and intense sex. she was holding me and cuddling after etc... which was a little weird but i didn't mind obviously.

we then had sex after a party a week later. she came over to my place that night ( we were both drunk though)

 

anyway, we had an argument about sleeping together a week after that, where i asked her if she was comfortable still sleeping together but not dating. she said she wouldn't be comfortable with it and that we couldn't have sex again- this upset me and i overreacted because there was obviously still a fairly strong connection there. i think it was the fact that it really was over at that point and i had pretty much lost her.

 

My best friend is the middle man as i said, and this is where its getting confusing. its a month later and we havent hung out much but she still talks about our relationship with him a fair bit.

She seems to be telling him one thing, and then acting a different way around me.

ie: she tells him that she doesn't want to hang out with me because she's busy. But then ill call her 15 minutes later and ask her if she wants to hang out the next day, so she agrees and wants me to play tennis with her....

 

Then the latest example is that she calls me to come over and pick something up from my place that she left there when we were together (ie: a jacket she left at my place the night we last had sex after that party)

She's done this quite a few times, just comes over to talk or needs some help with sending an email or soemthing etc..and she's acting very comfortably around me, and i can tell she's happy when she leaves because she has a huge grin on her face etc.. ( i know exactly what to say to make her laugh)

 

so getting back to the confusing part- on the weekend she is out with her friends and my best friend calls her (when im with him) and asks her what theyre up to and lets all meet up- he tells her that im out with him and would it be okay if i came (acting like he hadn't said anything to me yet about her being out with her friends and would she be okay with me coming along to meet up). So she tells him, ' yeah that's ok but as long as he knows nothing is gonna happen between us- it was kind of weird the last time we hung out'.

This is the part which completely baffled me because she came over for 30 minutes and we chatted and she told me all her problems/ * * * * * ing etc like girlfriends do...and then she left. we just stood in the hallway of my house and had a casual chat...

He asks her the next day what she meant by it being 'weird last time' and she said that when we are in a group its ok but when we are alone it's weird...?

now i haven't heard from her in a week (since she came over and we talked)

why would she tell him that it's weird and say 'as long as he understands that nothing is going to happen between us'.

obviously she wants him to tell me this, but i dont understand why she would say this.

what should i do? obviously you can tell i am still very attracted to this girl, but i don't want to date her- i still care about her alot and im worried because she's going through a very trough personal/family experience at the moment too.

why is she telling my friend one thing, then acting another way around me?

just to clarify it has NOTHING to do with her having feelings for my friend. they have been friends for a long time and are also related incase you were reading it that way. do i try and make her understand that im not going to try and kiss her or hook up with her? or should i just leave her alone or what?

it just sucks because we became extremely close friends and now i dont know what to think.

some outsiders have said that she hates me, whereas others have told me she is trying to convince herself that she doesn't like me anymore, but is in denial....

PLEASE HELP this is driving me insane, and thanks for your time!

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Your confusion is brought on by yourself for operating through manipulation and gossip. For all you know, the ex has known perfectly well for quite some time what's leaking back to you and is ringing your chimes. Or maybe your friend is the one doing that...

 

Point is, I'd quit discussing your ex with your friend, and I'd respect the fact that your ex is an ex for a reason. Sometimes the best course of action for allowing things to work out in your favor is to do nothing. Manipulation has it's own brand of karma, and these are consequences you wouldn't be suffering had you not engaged the games.

 

In your corner (believe it or not).

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Hi there, thanks for the response.

 

I wouldn't exactly call it manipulation- i am just getting information relayed back to me.

obviously by telling my friend that 'i need to understand nothing is going to happen' she wants me to know this, yet she acts completely differently around me...

 

i haven't actually done much, i've just received information and been hospitable to her requests for help or to hang out.

 

thanks again.

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