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On the Verge...


HellFrost666

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I don't know if this is the best place for this...

 

I need to give some background first. Most people here don't know me well enough to know the whole story. And I'll admit I am not 100% comfortable airing this to the whole forum. In the winter of 2006 I had a nervous breakdown. (For lack of a better term.) Since then I haven't really been the same. I am not saying I never recovered... but now I have to take my own mental health into consideration more then before. In the fall of 2007 I lapsed into depression for no apparent reason. My shrink called it an "aftershock."

 

Long story short, lately I feel a little off. And it scares me because this is how I felt in 2007 right before I got really depressed.

 

I've been working a lot of overtime the last few weeks. I can't just stop working overtime because it's mandatory. I love my job... but working these hours has me feeling only half there most of the time. And I feel like this is hurting my relationship also. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We live together. But lately (Because of my recent work schedule and the hours she works) we hardly see each other at all and when we do I am so tired all I want to do is sleep. I know this happens when two people both have bills to pay. But it's hard not seeing her and also feeling like I could become seriously depressed any day now.

 

Since my breakdown I've had regular panic attacks. The longest I ever went without one was almost a year. Since I started working overtime they are becoming more frequent. I know people reading this are thinking why don't I just tell my boss what's going on and get out of overtime for medical reasons. But I can't. Trust me, because of what I do for a living having any mental trouble that interferes with work could get me fired.

 

My girl and I were supposed to take a vacation in three weeks. But it looks like that won't be happening, at least not when it was supposed to happen. It will probably have to wait a few months. We were supposed to go back to where I am from and I was starting to get homesick (As I usually do before I go home.) And, my overtime was supposed to last until I go on vacation. Now that I am not going for a while how long will I have to deal with this? This all being up in the air is upsetting.

 

I know a lot of people will read this and have no advice. I just needed to say it.

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Hey HF, if it is possible for you to go on vacation, I still think you should take the vacation as planned, during the time you had planned for it. It will give you the time out for some "recharging your batteries" time, and time for you to spend with your GF, so that you guys don't lose touch with each other and reconnect a bit. Kind of a reprieve from your busy lives. Also, it will help you keep a hold on your "sanity" (so to say)

 

With your crazy overtime schedule, is this supposed to run indefinitely?

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Hey HF, if it is possible for you to go on vacation, I still think you should take the vacation as planned, during the time you had planned for it. It will give you the time out for some "recharging your batteries" time, and time for you to spend with your GF, so that you guys don't lose touch with each other and reconnect a bit. Kind of a reprieve from your busy lives. Also, it will help you keep a hold on your "sanity" (so to say)

 

With your crazy overtime schedule, is this supposed to run indefinitely?

 

^ Yea, it's indefinite.

 

We were supposed to stay with my sister. My brother in law's aunt just died. He has my sympathy and I know they have not control over that. But my sister told me because of that we can't stay with them right now. So I asked my Mom if we could stay with her when we're there and she just straight out told me no. She doesn't want us staying there because she doesn't like my girlfriend. We can't afford to stay in a hotel... that's just impossible. And really, this might sound selfish, but why should we pay to stay somewhere when I have family where we are going?

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I know how you feel. I'm sort of in the same mode right now, minus the SO I never see. I work ridiculous hours and you'd think I'd ease up on them considering I'm self-employed. I'm so homesick that I can barely see straight. I'm going home next week but it can't get here soon enough. Meanwhile while I go home, I'm gonna be stressed about leaving my clients with someone else b/c I don't trust anyone to do the job I can do.

 

Regarding having someone to stay with when you go home, can you try link removed and board up with someone in your hometown or nearby? Or are there any hostels? Those are usually much cheaper thn hotels ( I'm sure of anything with norway, but you'd know better than I would).

 

I know it probably doesn't help much just hearing someone say they can relate, but all I can say is hang in there.

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There are plenty of hotels. It just doesn't seem right to go and not stay with family members. And it doesn't help at all that my Mom just flat out told me no because she has something against my girlfriend. My Mom has told me so many times that she doesn't like my girlfriend, and she thinks I could do so much better, but then she always tells me she is willing to accept her because I am an adult and it's my choice. Then today after I talked to my sister I talked to my Mom and my Mom just went off on me. She told me that there's no way my girlfriend is staying in her house for three weeks and that's it. She told me if it was just me it would be fine, but she won't have this American *explative* staying with her.

 

And, just for the record, my girlfriend has never done anything to warrant this. My mom just doesn't like her because she's American.

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Wow, I can imagine that just adds to the stress. Like you, I had a nervous breakdown a few years back. There are periods of time when I start to get the symptoms that I am heading back in that direction and it's scary and that in itself can cause the panic attacks as well.

 

I understand the OT thing, I work a lot of hours and have recently taken on raising my four young grandchildren. I think the key is even though you are constantly going, you need to slow your mind down a bit. It's not easy and it takes practice. Do you meditate at all, practice any deep breathing?

 

I agree with Renny, you still should take a vacation at the time that you scheduled but if your family is making it difficult for you to be there with your girlfriend then perhaps the two of you could find a different place to vacation minus the family that isn't being hospitable. Perhaps a romantic week somewhere quaint and quiet?

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Maybe you could try for another destination for a vacation? I understand being homesick and wanting to go home, but it seems like it would only add stress to your relationship with your girlfriend b/c of your family. Maybe use this time to reconnect with her and go see family at another time?

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Maybe you could try for another destination for a vacation? I understand being homesick and wanting to go home, but it seems like it would only add stress to your relationship with your girlfriend b/c of your family. Maybe use this time to reconnect with her and go see family at another time?

 

You're right about it only being more stressfull because of my family. I knew my Mom had issues with my girlfriend. But until today I never knew how much of an issue. If I would have known how my Mom really felt I wouldn't have even asked her.

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I think you should try and separate out these problems because although they are connected you can't solve them all at once.

 

First: the job: how long is this overtime scheduled to last - is there a foreseeable time when you will be able to relax some more?

 

Second: the trip. Although you are right that family should accommodate you it seems that is not a practical idea right now for reasons out of your control. So what is in your control -can you afford a cheaper hotel, hostel, other friends or whatever?

 

Third: your mother. In your shoes I would tell her that you have made your choice of partner and if she can't accept her then you really don't want to see her. Because not only is she insulting someone you love she is insulting you because of the choice you have made. You come a a package or not at all.

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