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Rejected my ex....feel very sad :(


limelight

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Hi all.

 

My ex of over 2 years ago got in touch out of the blue a short while ago and we met up. Defenetly alot of attraction and afterwards we chatted on the phone nearly everyday and everything felt like old times. He broke up with me unexpectedly last time and i was devestated so despite how nice it was to see him I was wary.

 

He had told me on a few occasions that he always regretted his decision and wanted me back. After all this time I felt ready to forgive him but despite how good we seem together and how well we get along somethings telling me its not right Im so comfortable with him, we have great chemisty and sense of humour, but part of me is just stone cold. I dont have strong feelings for him. I cut ties with him today but i feel very upset. I dont think its only to do with getting hurt last time perhaps Ive just changed. I think i did the right thing but i cant help feeling i wish i felt differently

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I've had that happen before...you're like, "Why can't I just feel attracted to this guy??" Very frustrating. But maybe you have changed and I would imagine it's for the better...?? It takes a strong person to recognize that what they might have wished for and dreamed about happening is not as great as they thought it would be in reality.

Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to take a step back and see/feel/know that this isn't right for you this time.

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Are you sure the something that something is not right or is it pride and fear that is getting in the way? Did the two of you discuss why he had broken up with you the last time and what has changed. People can successfully reconcile after being broken up a couple of years. How was your relationship with him when you were a couple? I think you need to sit down and really think about why you rejected him now. Reconciliation doesn't have to happen all in one shot. You could have taken things slowly dating each other and seeing how things go. Just make sure you rejected him for the right reasons so that there will be no regrets later on.

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Are you sure the something that something is not right or is it pride and fear that is getting in the way? Did the two of you discuss why he had broken up with you the last time and what has changed. People can successfully reconcile after being broken up a couple of years. How was your relationship with him when you were a couple? I think you need to sit down and really think about why you rejected him now. Reconciliation doesn't have to happen all in one shot. You could have taken things slowly dating each other and seeing how things go. Just make sure you rejected him for the right reasons so that there will be no regrets later on.

 

I agree that you need to be sure of why you rejected him. I sensed a possible "doubt" in your post.

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He broke up with me because he said we had run our course..and that he just wanted to be single and didnt really know what he wanted. Which in itself is a fair enough reason, it was the fact he ended it over the internet which made it harder to stomach as u can imagine.

 

On the whole it was a good relationship we were very close but like everyone it wasnt perfect. We dont live too close to one another and I was studying at the time which put a strain on things because i was always busy. Plus as I often stayed with him at weekends which also put a strain on my friendships because i kind of made him my main focus which is something i wouldnt want to do again. I can foresee the same obstobles happening again. We have been taking it slow...but atm i know i just dont want to be with him. It hurts knowing that. Perhaps Its the comfort side of it that i just missed and the familer

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based on your response to your decision id say that there is something that your missing from your situation...be it closure or some other regret.

 

I'll tell you now, reflect and figure out what it is, because you'll regret it immensely later if you dont figure out what that missing thing is and at least try to get it/resolve it, and i say that because ive done the same.

 

You only live once, so find out what is missing and making you feel sad even though you're supposed to be healed - and satisfy it so that then you can at least know you did everything. From my experiences, theres nothing worse than regret because you didnt react when you knew you could. That DOESNT mean to get back with him, but figure out what it is youre sad about for rejecting him and resolve it, be it by doing/saying something with/to him, or going inside yourself to resolve it.

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Been there. I think he killed something in you when he broke up with you the first time. You healed and didn't need him any more and grew strong by yourself. If he could do that to you once maybe he could do it again or maybe he couldn't have loved you that much if you could hurt you like that.

 

You did the right thing. Although you have feelings there is something which was broken which can't be fixed.

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Thank you for all your comments

 

Ever since we broke up we were in on/off contact and I kinda felt a bit haunted by him. It took me so long to get over him last time. (he was my first) So I think its just the realization he isnt right for me after all is what im finding so painful

 

I cant help feeling denied a happy ending because of my own feelings

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Are you sure the something that something is not right or is it pride and fear that is getting in the way? Did the two of you discuss why he had broken up with you the last time and what has changed. People can successfully reconcile after being broken up a couple of years. How was your relationship with him when you were a couple? I think you need to sit down and really think about why you rejected him now. Reconciliation doesn't have to happen all in one shot. You could have taken things slowly dating each other and seeing how things go. Just make sure you rejected him for the right reasons so that there will be no regrets later on.

I felt the same way when I read her post. I make these kinda decisions slowly ... I feel as though something in my inner conscience makes them for me, and it doesn't happen all at once, and it doesn't necessarily happen consistently. Sometimes my feelings change before they come into focus.

 

Unless she's really busy or absolutely sure (and she doesn't sound so sure to me), I don't see why she wouldn't have taken the "let's move slowly and see where it goes ... no guarantees" tact.

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The thing is when an ex ends it out of the blue we're faced with quite a challenge to get over it.

 

It's only after we've healed that we realize we're a slightly different person than before. So really, getting back with an ex is like going backwards, when our heart is telling us to keep moving forward.

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I didnt see him 2 weeks prior to making the decision because i told him I needed some space to think. At first I was happy to just go with the flow and see how it turns out, but because I know him so well as a person and I senced he was getting attached to the idea of it I felt it was wrong to continue doing that when I have doubts.

 

Davetrump- That exactly how ive felt all along, that its going backwards. Especially after all the upset of getting over him the 1st time. I cant really explain the reason I dont want him back its just a gut feeling

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Describe an old friend you got in c...
Describe an old friend you got in contact with again

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