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Please give me your advise. I have to make a decision soon!!!


butrflyblue

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Hi Everyone,

 

I'm new to this forum but have somehow been involved with several alcoholics. To give you a little background. I married young and was married to and alcoholic/addict for 16 years. When I divorced I met who I thought was a nice man with no addictions only to find out that he was addicted to prescription drugs. I left that relationship after two years and for the past three months I have been seeing a man who I have become very attached to who I found out yesterday is being forced to attend an alcohol treatment program for a DUI he got while in the military. I really care for this man and just a couple of days ago he told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. A week ago we discussed our satus and agreed that we wanted a monogamous relationship with one another. I had no clue that he had a drinking problem but now I wonder. We see eachother a couple of times a week. But when we are not together he does not text or call me very much and this is different than any man I have ever dated. Even my last boyfriend called me daily. When I asked him about this he said that he was going through alot right now and was a bit distracted. He text and called me after that for a day and then stopped again. He was not like this when we first started dating. I am so confused. I really like and care for him and feel that I might be falling in love with him but now I am faced with the decision to continue the relationship or stop seeing him. At first I thought he might be seeing someone else but now I wonder if his other woman is a bottle. Recently I invitd him to do some things he wanted to on the weekend and he chose to go out bar hopping with his friend instead. He said that he gave up his male friends when he had relationships in the past and he did not want to do this. He introduced me to his mom and step dad last week and his friend this past week. But still I feel like just a compartmentalized part of his life. He had me meet the people he cares about and when I mentioned introducing him to my parents he acted like he was uncomfortable with the idea. He asks me if I am happy and when I say yes and asked him if he was happy he paused and said yes. All of this is having a huge impact on my self esteem. The fact that he chose to be with his male friend over me twice really hurt and at this point I don't know what to do. Please any of you that have advise I would greatly appreciate it.

 

Butrflyblue

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Alcholics are not reliable people because the bottle takes precedence. You haven't been with him that long and already there are warning signs about his behaviour. He may have wanted a committed relationship with you but now that he has you he is unpredictable with his contact. This will only get worse as time goes on. I would suggest re-thinking this relationship.

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Choosing his male friends over you usually means he is really choosing partying and drinking over you, because that is most likely what they do together, hang out in bars and each other's houses and drink.

 

You've been thru this before and know the drill, so don't get any more involved with this guy. There are plenty of guys who do not have a drinking problem and would be happy to have a normal life with you that doesn't have drinking at the center of it, so keep looking.

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You hit the nail on the head when you guessed that his other woman is the bottle. And he didn't choose his male friend over you; he chose the drinking over you, and his male friend was incidental. This is not a situation that is likely to change, and you certainly won't be changing his behaviour.

 

Given that you have a history of this kind of relationship, have you ever been in contact with Al-Anon, or any other kind of support group for the families and friends of alcoholics or addicts?

 

If I were you, I'd run like the wind. However, I'm NOT you, and appreciate that this is a step you may not be ready to take; I would strongly encourage you to do something for yourself, and learn the lesson that this relationship (and your previous ones) is trying to teach you.

 

I feel for you - it can't have been an easy life - and wish you all the very very best in resolving your situation.

 

(((HUGS)))

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