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Hey everyone... I've just joined this forum and it looks great. I'm having some issues that I need help with and I have no where else to turn. I'm hoping you guys could give me some advice.

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for what will be 3 years in August. We are soon going to be 17 and 18. I can say that our relationship has been close to a fairytale.

 

Recently he decided we need a break because we both should look at what our relationship is like on the outside. That sounds a little dumb... to me and probably to you too but when we "broke up" it became easier to talk to each other about our problems. It helped us both loosen up and see what we have to work out. He said he's going into this with optimism and definitely does want to get back together. He also told me he doesn't want to put me through this again. Either way the situation is devastating to me.

 

I now feel like I will be making many sacrifices to keep him happy but I don't want to be miserable either. I tried telling him that I need something too. Simple things... like sweet text messages every so often... or making more of an effort to call me like he used to. I feel like I'm putting in all the work to put a smile on his face. I attempted telling him this and he tells me that he feels no need to do things like that because I should know he loves me. I do know he loves me...but having reassurance makes me happy. I don't know if it's the male gender that makes him like that. If it is something he can't help, what is a way to deal with that? Because I feel horrible if he doesn't text me back after sending a message that's pouring my heart out, or call me back when he says so. I don't know if I should feel bad about things like that, I might be crazy...but for some reason it's really important to me.

 

I'll appreciate any help, thank you so much!!

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welcome to enotalone. why should you 'believe that he loves you' if he just broke up with you?!?!? that seems very illogical to me. that makes no sense at all. i would honestly.... try to move on. i wouldn't try to keep in close contact with him. if he wants to try to work things out, then he can reach you. but in the meantime, no i wouldn't go out of my way to make things 50/50 or anywhere close to that. i would focus on yourself, your school, your friends, your family, and doing your own thing.

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Taking a break can do wonders for a relationship, like you said, it becomes much easier to talk about things when the pressure is off.

 

I think that you need to find a way to feel more secure in this relationship, without the constant reassurance from him. That can be exhausting for someone, if it is not the way they are used to expressing love. It should be even keel between you, but perhaps he feels that it is already 50-50 between you two because he is more secure in this relationship than you.

 

If he doesn't respond right away, he could be in the bathroom, he could be in class, he could be at work, maybe he didn't hear it, maybe his phone was off, etc. There are a million legitimate reasons why he might not respond to a text till later. Another idea is maybe keep text messages simple and straightforward, using them to communicate where you are and where you're meeting. Things like that. Using text messages to pour your heart out never works too well and you shouldn't take offence if he doesn't respond right away, because maybe he can't. Leave the heart pouring for face to face: he'll get a much clearer sense of what you are trying to say.

 

You want him to love in your way, while he is loving you in his way. Be aware that the way people express love depends very much on how they were brought up, and is often very different.

 

As for the not calling back when he says so, that is a bigger deal. If he says he is going to call, then you are going to expect that he is going to call, and he should do as he says!

 

congrats on three years, by the way! That's a long time for high school. You both sound pretty mature for 17 year olds.

 

I think the best thing for you to do is to try and trust him, and trust his love, and learn how it is he expresses his love.

 

------------

 

P.S. I wrote this thinking that you'd already gotten back together.

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Oh ok I thank you very much Whes. We haven't gotten back together yet, should have clarified that. What you said made me realize a whole lot. I do need to be more trusting...he hasn't truly given me a reason not to trust him, so that's definitely my problem. I feel happier already, that knocked some sense into my head. And you're right...breaks can do wonders.

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