Am having a really bad day!!

[tulipsfav]

Thought that i was dealing well with my breakup, although being diagnosed with depression it has been tough. I have cried most of the day thanks to my friend. Basically she told me to get over it, move on, and pull myself together and that there are other people who are worse of. I know all of this but i cant help the way i am feeling.

 

Dont get me wrong, i am not looking sympathy from her, but while she was being so blunt with me i felt as though she was kicking the life out of me. Should i be this annoyed with her? Does she not understand how i am feeling?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Your friend is a prime example of why sites like this forum exist. I have been burned by friends who have taken the "just get over it" approach because they are not interested. This forum really helped me sort through my feelings because there was nobody in my real life I could talk to about it. The old standby "there are people worse off than you" is one of the most annoying phrases that people like to spew out whenever someone is going through a difficult time. It just invalidates the pain that person is going through. You know what, there usually is someone worse off..but that really doesn't help the person in pain deal with what they are going through. So now you have to realize that this friend is not someone you can talk to regarding your heartache...but you don't need her for that...you can get lots of support here.

[imjgh]

some of my friends gave me awful examples. i finally realized that not a single one of those people know my gf like i do and nobody has a clue about what we have/had together.

 

i may need comfort but advice .... hmmm...i'll get back to ya on that one.

 

at least it's safe here, i can be myself...

 

hang in there...time makes all better but the pain is so VERY VERY real....

[tulipsfav]

Thankyou Crazyaboutdogs and imjgh. I just feel it is easy for her to say these things, she does not see me everyday to see how well i actually am doing, but her words today really hurt me. When any of my other friends went through break ups, i listened, gave them a shoulder to cry on. I now feel that i will not be discussing my feelings with her again.

[journeynow]

Thankyou Crazyaboutdogs and imjgh. I just feel it is easy for her to say these things, she does not see me everyday to see how well i actually am doing, but her words today really hurt me. When any of my other friends went through break ups, i listened, gave them a shoulder to cry on. I now feel that i will not be discussing my feelings with her again.

 

Those were hurting words, she was discounting your feelings, not offering the compassion needed. Same if someone is grieving a death, there is no right way or length of time to grieve. It is a process. Of course we all want to get over what is painful, but stuffing the feelings or discounting the pain is now the way. Hugs, and take care, be gentle with yourself.

[tulipsfav]

Those were hurting words, she was discounting your feelings, not offering the compassion needed. Same if someone is grieving a death, there is no right way or length of time to grieve. It is a process. Of course we all want to get over what is painful, but stuffing the feelings or discounting the pain is now the way. Hugs, and take care, be gentle with yourself.

 

Thankyou Journeynow, am beginning to think that she has no compassion in her. Its not like i see her everday, cry, talk about him constantly. I definitely do feel that it is a grieving process,. i lost someone that i loved. She has put that doubt in my head that maybe im actually not dealing with it all that well.

[InRecovery]

You're going to have bad days. And friends who haven't gone through it won't realise it because they'll see you on good days and then when they see you on bad days they'll think you're regressing, so will be worried and this might see them drop some tough love on you, thinking they're helping in the long term.

 

Maybe they are, maybe they aren't.

 

In any case its alright to have bad days. It just means not every day is a bad day, and I'm sure when this horrible stuff first went down every day was a bad day.

 

So you've made progress. Which is excellent.

[tulipsfav]

You're going to have bad days. And friends who haven't gone through it won't realise it because they'll see you on good days and then when they see you on bad days they'll think you're regressing, so will be worried and this might see them drop some tough love on you, thinking they're helping in the long term.

 

Maybe they are, maybe they aren't.

 

In any case its alright to have bad days. It just means not every day is a bad day, and I'm sure when this horrible stuff first went down every day was a bad day.

 

So you've made progress. Which is excellent.

 

Thankyou InRecovery, i really do feel that i have made progress. Maybe im too sensitive because tough love definitely does not work for me. Thankyou for your comments.