Thinking, forming opinions, etc.

[Celadon]

I've hit a low point. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I have become a person who has lost her curiosity, her spark, her interest.

 

I think I know why -- not that it helps move me forward. I've focused a lot on my job over the years, so I've become good at getting things done efficiently and being organized. I also have had a lot of friends with problems, so I've gotten good at listening and counseling and dealing with their emotions. And when I get stressed, I escape by watching TV or movies or some other passive entertainment. (I get stressed a lot.)

 

Now I find myself without much to say, no opinions on issues or events, nothing that I am deeply interested in, and struggling socially. I feel I'm boring and can't hold my own in a conversation. And no, I do NOT want to spend an entire conversation asking someone else lots and lots of questions. I want to have fun, have things I want to share, etc.

 

So what to do?

 

Today I decided to "follow my curiosity" and see what happened. I don't want to simply consume information that I'm not inherently interested in. After sitting there for 10 minutes, blank, I finally looked up what causes a heat wave, since my area is due for one this weekend. Eh, it was a start.

 

Anyone have ideas on how to nurture my inner life, my thought life -- how to be the kind of person who has things I find interesting and want to share with other people? (For background, I am intuitive person who has a hard time remembering facts and information, but that's another thread...)

 

Thanks.

[waveseer]

Wonderment was the answer for me. I wonder about a lot of things. Sometimes I look up information but it usually just feeds my wonder rather than fulfilling it and that's okay. I like to figure things out so I come up with more theories than I could ever hope to test. I enjoy discussing these with people who also enjoy that sort of thing and have a few theories of their own for us to chew on. I also go on as many adventures as I can so I always have those to talk about.

[nimisaj]

try a new hobby? you're working, so you can probably afford to join a pottery class or an art class... do you enjoy reading? go to the library... there's always stuff going on there.

[Celadon]

Thanks for replying, both of you.

 

Wonderment was the answer for me. I wonder about a lot of things. Sometimes I look up information but it usually just feeds my wonder rather than fulfilling it and that's okay. I like to figure things out so I come up with more theories than I could ever hope to test. I enjoy discussing these with people who also enjoy that sort of thing and have a few theories of their own for us to chew on. I also go on as many adventures as I can so I always have those to talk about.

Wonderment - huh, that's good. When I read your post I thought, Yeah, my work and even my conversations with friends is often all about "getting to the bottom of things." Figuring something out. Driving towards certainty and clarity. In a way, it's the opposite of wonderment.

 

I always have this feeling of not having time to indulge in "what ifs." In fact, there's part of me (the work-trained part of me) that doesn't value uncertainty or things that are merely speculative. But I see now that I've probably swung waaaaay too far in that direction, to the sorrow of my soul.

 

I'm like one of those stones that's skipping along the surface of the lake, never having time to get in deep. I have no idea what I am afraid of if I stop and wonder. Maybe I'm afraid of missing out or I'm afraid I'll run into a situation for which I am not prepared -- I don't know. It's ironic, 'cause I feel right now that I am missing out on life, in a way.

 

Anyway, thanks for the insight. Much appreciated!