I have no one to depend on. ENA, please be here for me.

[pg13]

I can't pretend anymore. At the same time I can't depend on my friends/family anymore. Today, I was suppose to go on a date but it got cancelled for the 3rd time. I haven't done anything or hung out with anyone in the past couple of weeks. I've just been eating, TONS of sleeping, spending time on ENA, watching tv, smoking about a pack a day, and doing my homework right before its due.

 

I haven't even gone to the gym the whole week, and I have two gym memberships. I've been in my home clothes for the longest time. Still haven't found a job. Can't really afford to go out much. My days have been the same every single day. I'm looking forward to something, but I don't know what that is. I am being really pathetic right now and I don't want my friends or family to know how much of a loser mentality I have right now.

 

I don't know why I want to get back together with my ex. She most likely has emotionally cheated on me, she doesn't make time for me but can see her friends whenever they ask her, she lied to me plenty of times and has only strung me along. I don't think she really loved me. She only used me for comfort because she didn't have much friends. Now that she has a bunch, I'm nothing but trash.

 

I have plenty of school loans, credit card debt, no job, no group of friends, I have a rare disease that should kick in again soon (can't afford another $30,000 surgery). I have emotional problems, and I have no drive to wake up each day anymore. Even my only passion, bodybuilding, is neglected. I can't afford the therapist anymore, I can't afford the prescription medication. I can never keep my faith in God, I don't have faith for anything.

 

I am so pathetic that I depend on my motivation and my mood on what people post in these forums. I can't turn to anyone else but you guys/girls. I'm really so sad right now that I am starting to think that my life is not worth it, and I am just a waste of oxygen and space.

[canali]

your life IS worth it...contact your local mental health association for some referrals to free intake clinics or support groups...or call your local university's psychiatry or psychology dept asking for such, too.

 

you NEED to reach out and keep connected...depression cuts down all forms of creative thinking and makes us myopic...have a good cry, too...that alone (with a walk and a shower and a good cry) and do wonders to let off the steam building up inside....what simple things can you do to feel some goodness?

[IMAbadman]

Take a breath buddy. You CAN get through this. You need to chill out and relax. Think your way through it and focus on one day at a time.

[dhjjessel]

Get the hell back to the gym. Endorphines is what you need. From there, get a book that will keep your mind occupied. Take up a healthy past time like painting, or listen to all the music you should have been listening to. Listen to it intently. Find a hobby where you have to engage with others, eg dance classes, church, whatever

[pg13]

your life IS worth it...contact your local mental health association for some referrals to free intake clinics or support groups...or call your local university's psychiatry or psychology dept asking for such, too.

 

you NEED to reach out and keep connected...depression cuts down all forms of creative thinking and makes us myopic...have a good cry, too...that alone (with a walk and a shower and a good cry) and do wonders to let off the steam building up inside....what simple things can you do to feel some goodness?

 

I can't reach out anymore. Last time I reached out I had 2 different professionals call the police on me. They went to the house, searched my room, and handcuffed me in front of my family. My mom and my whole family cried the whole night even my brother and my dad. The police took away my handgun. I cannot put my family in that situation again, they will never forgive me for not having my head straight. My family had a talk with me and they said they would kick me out if I wasn't able to get my head straight, and I would stay in an institution.

[Elsewhere]

I have been there for the past weeks too. It takes strength to set yourself into a different mode: mode that keps you going 24/7 and you can't stop - it helps you forget and brings new people in. Not mentioning $ and school will get better. I'm trying to pull it off too right now.

[KG]

pg13,

Get to the gym...improve yourself. See the results in the mirror, this is you getting stronger, better. Whenever I am bummed, I lift more, stretch more, get stronger.

[pg13]

Get the hell back to the gym. Endorphines is what you need. From there, get a book that will keep your mind occupied. Take up a healthy past time like painting, or listen to all the music you should have been listening to. Listen to it intently. Find a hobby where you have to engage with others, eg dance classes, church, whatever

 

I wish it was that easy. I can pick up a book, but my mind wanders while I read. I tried to contact a couple of church's I use to go to but they never responded to my message. I am really afraid to reach out to someone, I don't ever want to go back to the psychiatric hospital! I would rather die and painful death.

[pg13]

pg13,

Get to the gym...improve yourself. See the results in the mirror, this is you getting stronger, better. Whenever I am bummed, I lift more, stretch more, get stronger.

 

Going to the gym was a way for me to cope with my problems. I've always used it as motivation to better myself. I just cannot go right now, I'm what you consider a 'gym rat' and I know pretty much all the regulars. Last time someone asked me if I was ok, I had to say I had to go because I was about to breakdown right then and there. Imagine seeing a 190 lb, 8% body fat guy with a tan and pearl white teeth breaking down at the gym... That would be a sad sight.

[pg13]

I have been there for the past weeks too. It takes strength to set yourself into a different mode: mode that keps you going 24/7 and you can't stop - it helps you forget and brings new people in. Not mentioning $ and school will get better. I'm trying to pull it off too right now.

 

I have so many problems in my life. I thought I was going to pass away last year after the doctors could not find out what the cause of my sickness was. I was not able to eat real food for about 3 months. In and out of hospitals every week. I don't even know how much I owe in medical bills, and my parents are working 6-7 days a week just to keep the house and get by.

[canali]

Then walk into your local hospital's emergency ward and ask to be committed...you'll at least get some immediate psychiatric help and TLC.

 

what is driving you so badly downwards?... ie, what is real and what are only fear based thoughts that may or may not happen?...you need to use your head, too.

 

I have so many problems in my life. I thought I was going to pass away last year after the doctors could not find out what the cause of my sickness was. I was not able to eat real food for about 3 months. In and out of hospitals every week. I don't even know how much I owe in medical bills, and my parents are working 6-7 days a week just to keep the house and get by.

[pg13]

then walk into your local hospital's emergency ward and ask to be committed...you'll at least get some immediate psychiatric help and TLC.

 

what is driving you so badly downwards?...try to separate the truth from the fears ie, what is real and what is only fear based thoughts that may or may not happen?...you need to use your head, too.

 

I cannot go to the hospital. I know they will just send me back to the institution. I can't afford the treatment, and my family will not understand. I'm currently texting my friend who is a social worker, and a pastor from the gym. I fear my depression that I tried to hide has come back full force. But I can't let people know too much, I don't want my family and friends to see me as a nut job.

[Elsewhere]

I have so many problems in my life. I thought I was going to pass away last year after the doctors could not find out what the cause of my sickness was. I was not able to eat real food for about 3 months. In and out of hospitals every week. I don't even know how much I owe in medical bills, and my parents are working 6-7 days a week just to keep the house and get by.

 

Are you sure you don't qualify for any health plan? Go to the hospital and talk to financial advisor - act poor, a lot of times they are willing to help. You are young so they have to at least give you a payment pan - stretch it for 20 years or so... there's always a way to work things out if you talk - be respectful and honest about your bad situation, they'll show a human face

 

I don't know much about your life but maybe your health problems are result of what's going on inside of your head. Try reading "The power of subconscious mind" and other books like that - I know you can't focus on reading but these books may actually interest you deeply cause they give insight into what you're going through. Turn your motivating song on, shake it off and "run", be busy, do it every morning as long as you have to

 

 

 

Oh if it's depression your chemical imbalance is killng you - gym will definitely help, listen to others - go back to the gym!!!

[ironman]

wazup pg. listen if u need a friend i am here for you man. i know how u feel.i

had a storm of problems and still do,but iam still here.for example i had my own construction business but with the recession i lost all my contracts,i owe money to the irs,i owe money to friends and my mother has arthritis and my older brother its diabetic and doesnt take care of himself.plus i used to pay myself around 90,000.00 a year ,now i am working in a store for 10 bucks and hour during and security guard at night part time.so u see i know what u feeling....because on top of that my ex broke up with me also. But all this hardship really made me realize what i am made of..god's plan for me..he loves me and no matter how hard the situation he is always with me,i always land on my feet.after i started having problems with the company and everything else,i asked for a student loan and enrolled in a university and iam getting straight A and doing my best effort to learn.i stop thinking and started doing....make it happen, i am applying to get a job as a cop, which offer great pay and i started woring out in my house,doing push ups and pull ups and light dumbells, since like u i cant afford a gym right now.the situation on my girl, i got down and depressed like u about it,but the last thing i told her that i was sorry i cause ,any problems in her life,that i am going thru some rough times right now but iam ok, i am managing.told her that she could call me whenever she wants.and said bye..

my point is buddy get up,and do something different.think about it ,how do u expect to change if u keep doin the same stuff.try to get any job , motivate yourself,your parents are busting their but,do the same dont let them down.how do u think they feel when they see their son like this.

forget about your girl right know,no girl wants to be with a man for pity....if pity is the reason to be together u gonna be unhappy.pity is not love,,,concentrate on u, its ok to think about her, because thats the way its gonna be, but put yourself in a better position bro,u can do it ,i believe in u...if she comes back and your r single, use your previous experience and apply your knowledge,dont fall on the same mistakes.

if somebody new comes along, welcome it and give yourself a chance.

so come on get up and make it happen,u can do it .start by doubling your efforts to find a job, and take of u and your family first. forget about your bills right, when u in a better position u will tackle that. remember its no gonna be easy, but be strong ,if iam doing it u can to, so lets go!.....your friend ironman

[pg13]

Thank you very much. I admire your strength and your courage. I do not know what is going on in my head. I pity myself so much, yet I know I don't have it that bad. I am confusing reality with fantasy. This chemical imbalance in my head is really preventing me from having a positive outlook.

 

I want to find God, just like you. I thought I had it all together, the second time I tried to end my life. I saw a vision of myself with a child and a beautiful wife, and for the first time in a long time, I felt His presence in my life.

 

I feel a bit better now, but I know I can't just shrug this off. It will most likely come back sooner or later.

[justletgo07]

Hey buddy.

 

Try to set small, daily goals. Take baby steps, and focus on one thing at a time. If you try to wrap your brain around everything all at once, your head is going to keep spinning.

 

Remember, you don't have to be a victim of your life's circumstances unless you chose to be. There are plenty of people (here and elsewhere) who'd be happy to let you know that they care about you.

 

Have you thought about joining a 12-step program? They aren't just for alcoholics. They are for everyone and everything you can think of. It is essentially like ENA, only real-life people telling you that they support you. They are usually free, and from what I've heard, they really help when you're going through a rough spell.

 

Don't be afraid to admit that you need help, or to do what is necessary to get the help you need.

[rocio]

Can you get on anti depressants? You remind me of a friend of mine. He's been doing so much better since getting on the meds.

[canali]

link removed

 

try that blog/weblink and spend some positive time there examining, researching/reading the many links, ideas and other links journalling, humour, meditation, music, exercise, cognitive reframing etc....etc etc....try them all even and are what works .

 

see the 'feel better now' link (2nd down on page i think)

 

**you need to shake things up (in your thinking and emotions) to get some perspective : you've got very narrow tunnel vision right now.**

[annie24]

hi. ((HUGS)) hang in there!

 

first off, try to get some things in your life under control again. try to do what makes you happy. go work out and go to the gym, go running. alcohol is a depressant, as is sitting around the house all day doing nothing. i would try to stop drinking, that will just make you feel worse. and try to set for yourself one or two simple goals a day that are easily achieved so you can feel good about yourself. like, "organize the kitchen, and send out 1 job application." do this every day. make some steps that will get you closer to your goals.

 

if you cannot afford counseling, consider going to a church and talking to a priest. even if you aren't religious, maybe having a warm community around you can make you feel better and having a priest you can talk to about your problems.

 

hang in there!!!!

[pg13]

Ok, so I communicated with my social worker friend and a pastor that I met at the gym. I could not directly tell them what was in my head, like I said earlier the last time I did that I ended up in hand cuffs and sleeping next to someone at the hospital who kept talking about being Jesus and the White Wizard.

 

I'm trying to focus on what I need to do, but the thoughts of what happened in my life is killing me. I have plenty of dark secrets from the past that I tried to put behind me. I've made many mistakes as a young teenager, many things I have done in my life that I feel guilty for. At times I feel as if I deserve what I'm going through.

 

I have a rare disease called achalasia. I've had it since I was young, but I didn't think anything of it. There is no cure for the disorder, I've gone through all types of treatment for it last year. I'm starting to feel it again, and another surgery is not an option. If it gets worse, the doctor believes I have five years *tops*, as my internal organs will start to suffer; I will have to be kept alive with IV tubes. I can no longer see my specialist because they don't cover my insurance anymore. At the end of this year, I will no longer have health insurance.

 

I have been diagnosed with severe depression. I don't even remember how many times I have thought of ending my life, but actually TRYING to do it... Twice. No wait, actually three times. Overdose, handgun, hanging.

 

If you look at me, you will never be able to tell. When I am not depressed, I am a confident *almost cocky* person with a shy/reserved side. My friends are confident alpha males and females, but I wasn't really in to the whole partying every weekend thing. All of my ex's are the party hard/look good all the time/"i love being in pictures"/center of attention type girls. They were the high maintenance, selfish, "gets bored easily" type of females.

 

For the past few weeks, I have tried to stay away from binge drinking, partying and being around the alpha male buddies. Most of them would likely leave me hanging when a cute/drunk girl is within the proximity. If you have watched the movie "Swingers", my character is like Mike (but not that bad...).

 

My mind is playing tricks on me right now. Whether that be a chemical imbalance, guilt, karma, or self-pity... I just need to surround myself with good people; good buddies and good ladies. Kind of hard to find when you live in an affluent part of Southern California where most young people only think of 3 things: 1) money, 2) parties, 3) how they look.

[journeynow]

pg13,

 

Hang in there. Take life one breath at a time; remember to breathe. Try not to get too far from the present moment with your thoughts. Talking more to the pastor sounds like a good idea. Tell him/her you need confidentiality because of your family's reactions. Reaching out is good.

 

If you can't get to the gym, that's understandable, but sounds like you need something physical to direct your energy to. Talk to the pastor about volunteering for his parishners. (Mowing someone else's lawn, or weeding their garden is good for clearing the head. I've found it is free "therapy", or in one case, a woman hired me, so I got paid AND it was theraputic.) I understand about health concerns also.

 

Even getting out for a walk would help, maybe in small bits, 15 minutes every 2 hours, something manageable. Try some simple QiGong exercises, to help stabilize your energy....

 

Tell us how and what you are doing. Take care.