Confused on what my bf said

[ConfusedKitty]

So, I have been with my bf for a little over 6 years now. Lived with for about 5. I'm currently searching for another job. I'm from another state originally and still have family there. My family has been trying to help me secure a job in that state. But I'm mainly looking where I live now.

 

Now, I tell my bf this, and he basically says, "you have to find what you want to do and go do it. I won't be necessarily going with you."

 

To me that means, "if you find a job in that other state, good luck out there, peace out". Am I taking too much from that, or am I not interpreting guy speak? I'm not sure how to ask him what he means about that...me just saying "so, if I find another job in another state we'd break up?" is a little too straightforward, isn't it?

[dreamwarrior]

You need to ask him what he means by, "necessarily".

[tulipsfav]

You need to ask him if he loves you, if i had found the love of life i would travel the world just to be with him.

[Ellie2006]

I think he means that you should decide what's best for YOU and not be hindered by other details -- like for example, will my bf be able to find a job? If not, should I take this job and move away OR should I find a job here so that I can stay?

 

How far away is this city that you're considering moving to?

Is it at a reasonable distance so that you and he can visit each other fairly regularly?

 

Anyways, I think you should consider asking him if you were to move, is he considering a LDR? If so, what's ultimately going to happen to end the LDR -- him moving there or you finding another job here?

[annie24]

do you two have any children together?

[annie24]

do you want to marry him and/or stay together with him? maybe you should talk to him about where you see your relationship headed.

[ConfusedKitty]

do you two have any children together?

 

No, no kids. I don't want kids nor a marraige (from him nor any man really, not into that kind of thing). I asked him later, in a "roundabout" kinda way, and he said that it's basically a situation of bills come first.

 

...is that something natural that a lot of people say or is this something I should be concerned about? I honestly don't know what to think about this.

[Batya33]

It's not "guy speak" - take it at face value. He wants you to prioritize your financial health over the relationship, and wants you to know that he is not sure he would relocate to be with you. I'm sorry if that is disappointing to you but it's better to know that now so you can make your plans. Good luck.

[ghost69]

relocating is a huge thing for some people.

[Maya_A]

My family has been trying to help me secure a job in that state. But I'm mainly looking where I live now. Now, I tell my bf this, and he basically says, "you have to find what you want to do and go do it. I won't be necessarily going with you."

 

It depends on the way you told him. Maybe he feels/felt like you do -- that you said you were moving & didn't ask how he felt or if he'd consider it (if that is so).

 

Or maybe just the fact that you are thinking of moving to another state has put him on the defensive about the relationship.

 

Again - it all comes down to how your initial communication with him on it was. Did you ask what he thought or just tell him you might be moving? Did you address anything about your relationship in a caring way at the time you told him or just talk about your plans, your move, etc.?

 

There are many reasons he may have reacted that way.

 

Would you wish him to go with you? If yes, I'd tell him that you apologize that you didn't broach the matter in a more inclusive manner & attempt to talk it out again... You are the one proposing the big change...

[drewciouS281]

after six years you would assume its a team effort and one of yous would move but it does also depend on his or her job. No marriage after that long eh? Maybe you guys are just one of those different couples that handle things differently. I dunno.

[jet_palero]

So you've been with this guy for six years, apparently happily. And now you're looking for a job somewhere he won't be at, and your family wants you to move away from him as well.

 

I'd be pretty pissed off if I was him too.

[Scorpion Fury]

There's no reason you can't be straight-up with someone you have been with for 6 years. Ask him flat-out what the hell he meant. Don't beat around the bush.