Moving too fast?!?

[HockeyFan]

Ladies - have you ever met a guy you truly were into, cared deeply for - but things moved too fast and so you had to end it and purge that person from your life completely? Be mean to them? Hurtful? Push them away???

 

My now ex was married before, and we first met - we went on 1 date and then she vanished. She called me 3 weeks later to explain that her ex husband showed up at her doorstep, coming from far out of town, begging for her back. She insisted it was over - divorced...explained that to him. He kept coming back though - even after we started dating.

 

Now, she has pushed me away very meanly/cruely and just like that. I thought I was a lot more to her than that - I thought we had a lot more - obviously I was wrong.

 

So now she's gone - and I'm left trying to make sense of everything. She's simply not ready, she thought she was - but she's not - things moved extremely fast with us and that freaked her out.

 

I don't get it. How am I supposed to feel right now? I feel like garbage....

[BriarRose]

Well, this may sound crazy, but at least she does not sound indifferent towards you. When they are indifferent about you, that means there is nothing there - nada. She is obviously conflicted. That is not indifference.

[HockeyFan]

I don't understand the being cold/mean to me part though. She tells me "it has nothing to do with you - my concern is that i can't give you what you want now - and that everything you've done has been perfect, actually". When she asked me if I was angry with her - I said I didn't know how to answer that. She never talked to me about this - she basically did things and said things that made me question her, until I brought it up and basically had to intiatate a converation to break up with myself. What is that all about?!?

 

She had to purge me - gone. She made sure to end it that night - I wanted us to have some space, but she text messaged me that night, going to drop off my stuff at my place and I could just put her stuff through the mail slot at her house whenever. So ice cold - and I don't get it.

 

I've just gone into absolutely no contact mode. Let her do what she wnats - needs, etc. She wanted me out of her life - all I could do was leave. I know only her and her mother or friends know the answer to what is going through her head - what she is thinking and feeling - but I guess I'm here to get some idea from anybody who might have done this same sort of thing.

 

Every one of my friends is in shock - and says good riddance because it's such a childing and immature way to behave. Regardless of what everyone says - I'm the one who hurts, and I'm the one who cared about her.

[HeartGoesOn]

Did you only go on one date with her? Not sure if I read that correctly.

[HockeyFan]

No, we went on one date - then after 2 days, we stopped talking. Three weeks after that, she e-mailed me to apologize, explaining how her ex came and surprised her and she had to deal with all that - hoped I might still be interested in getting together again.

 

I understood - and we did get together again - and things too off over the next 3 months, up until this past week when it all fell apart. It's over - gone - done. Just like that.

 

I'm trying to tell myself that she wasn't the right one anyway - she was so negative and jaded about love and relationships, which became very depressing to hear all the time. She balanced that with being close and sweet - so it was confusing.

[Pixiedoc]

Do you know if she actually went back to her ex? It's a possibility because she has been so cold and refused to really talk to you about the reasons. When there is someone else it's easier to just cut someone off.

 

I do agree with your friends though, if she can behave like this and display those unpleasant character traits it would have come to an end sooner rather than later - only it would probably been you that ended it.

 

You're best out of it mate and take care.

[HockeyFan]

That's what I keep trying to tell myself....but the sting is still there.

There were a lot of negatives - and her attitude was negative....my friends saw that...and it would become tiresome. I know I"m better off - that it happened now, and it's over - and she's gone - but it's dealing with these feelings again.

 

When someone puts you 'up there' - and you believe you mean something special to someone, and then get treated like this - it's hard to recover from.