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Reasons


corvidae

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Our nature as human's means that we always seek reasons for things. As a 30 year old man who has never had a girlfriend I think about the reasons behind this all the time. Looking at myself, I've had a successful life with a good career, good prospects, a PhD, an interesting social life with good friends and good times. I try to work out what is different about me that keeps women away, and it's very difficult.

 

The fact is, it's just very very very rare that anyone ever has, or shows, any interest in me. I've often attributed it to my looks as, while I'm not ugly, I'm not good-looking either. Having said that, I've seen men uglier than me have success with women.

 

In the end I just don't really get it. I don't go clubbing or to singles bars, but I also don't believe that every man who is in a relationship did it through the clubbing scene. I like theate, I like music and I pursue my hobbies. I go to the gym three times a week and I try to dress well.

 

Is it possible that there simply are no reasons? That with a world of 6 billion people, simply through probability, you get guys like me who are, basically, just unlucky. No reason, no explanations - it just is the way it is.

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How is your attitude about this? You seem fairly balanced about it from your post, ie. not crazy and ranting about how girls are all evil * * * * * es who won't give a decent guy a chance... but is there any of that simmering under the surface?

 

I only ask because men who don't have much luck with women sometimes get very bitter, which creates a vicious circle of bitter attitude drives women away, which produces further bitterness etc etc.

 

I think it's hard to say what your reason for this is without meeting you? Have you tried things like internet dating? Often it's easier to meet someone like-minded over the net if you're not confident in person because it's less scary than trying to approach a girl in a bar

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Well, if there are any reasons, I don't think they are reasons such as: you are doing 'this' wrong, or you are missing 'this'.. etc.

I think it's possible that you just haven't met the right person yet; you haven't felt that connection yet. It's important to also consider that some people jump into relationships very quickly, while others are a lot more cautious about becoming involved with someone. It doesn't mean that the person who has had more relationships is doing something better than others.

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there is your problem. are you waiting for girls to show interest? guess what bub, rarely do girls approach...even if they think the guy is smoking hot. also, chipper up that confidence in the way you look man. be content with what you have. some guy you consider good looking might not have the wit that you have. maybe you are more charming. time to show that stuff off man. really, push yourself and stop letting it come to you. it's easy to achieve academically, but socially, whole other ball game bro. gotta learn those skills and start approaching girls YOU think are attractive. stop waiting for signals and crap like that.

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I;ve never rejected a relationship or been cautious; my problem is no-one ever offers.

 

Am I rare? I'm a person that goes through life and almost every member of the opposite sex simply shows no interest in. I just don't 'meet' people. I meet women, and sometimes we're friends, but I never meet anyone and there's interest.

 

It's like, with me, women suddenly become completely asexual. It's very odd. I suppose I am resentful, but I also have a lot of women friends, so I can't be that crazy.

 

 

Well, if there are any reasons, I don't think they are reasons such as: you are doing 'this' wrong, or you are missing 'this', etc.

I think it's possible that you just haven't met the right person yet; you haven't felt that connection yet. It's important to also consider that some people jump into relationships very quickly, while others are a lot more cautious about becoming involved with someone. It doesn't mean that the person who has had more relationships is doing something better than others.

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I;ve never rejected a relationship or been cautious; my problem is no-one ever offers.

 

Am I rare? I'm a person that goes through life and almost every member of the opposite sex simply shows no interest in. I just don't 'meet' people. I meet women, and sometimes we're friends, but I never meet anyone and there's interest.

 

It's like, with me, women suddenly become completely asexual. It's very odd. I suppose I am resentful, but I also have a lot of women friends, so I can't be that crazy.

 

there it is again. yes, i'm pointing it out.

 

women friends don't count.

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OK, I see your point. I'm not sure I can just walk up to a women that has a moody face and is ignoring me. I'm just not that kind of guy. I'm not a player. When I see women, particularly those I find attractive, they always look kind of angry. I just think that women will be 1. surprised I approached them 2. annoyed 3. reject me. That's not because I lack confidence, I actually think a lot of myself, it's just that...well, base on my previous experience, women just aren't interested.

 

there it is again. yes, i'm pointing it out.

 

women friends don't count.

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I've asked women out over the course of my life. The most recent was last Christmas.

 

Wait, you're social, you have lots of friends, and based on this, you average asking 2-3 girls a year, that's it? You're average looking, you better be asking more girls out than that. That is the main problem. I don't think you need to necessarily be hitting on women left and right, but shoot for 5-10 a year at least, wow.

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Wait, you're social, you have lots of friends, and based on this, you average asking 2-3 girls a year, that's it? You're average looking, you better be asking more girls out than that. That is the main problem. I don't think you need to necessarily be hitting on women left and right, but shoot for 5-10 a year at least, wow.

 

Wow I was about to post the same thing.

 

Corvidae, you are obviously reasonably intelligent, seem well adjusted and an ENA regular. But wow, if you are seriously looking then you should be asking at least 1-2 girls per week out. The more you ask the more you will learn and the more chances you have.

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The simple reason is that you lack skill in interacting with women on a romantic level. This is done by your body language, the way you speak, the specific things you say, the way you dress, the choices you make as they pertain to her. And what you lack in skill, you fail to make up for in persistence. To sum up, at your current skill level you'd have to go up to a high number of women to find some that are interested in you.

 

Now there is information out there to help you with your skill in attracting women, if you ever want the help I'll be happy to recommend sources. But the only way you will see different results is if you decide to make changes. That is unless this thread is simply a rant...

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I've asked women out over the course of my life. The most recent was last Christmas.

 

if you ask one girl out every 5-6+ months, don't expect much activity in your social life. sometimes, it's a numbers game and you need to meet more people.

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OK, I see your point. I'm not sure I can just walk up to a women that has a moody face and is ignoring me. I'm just not that kind of guy. I'm not a player. When I see women, particularly those I find attractive, they always look kind of angry. I just think that women will be 1. surprised I approached them 2. annoyed 3. reject me. That's not because I lack confidence, I actually think a lot of myself, it's just that...well, base on my previous experience, women just aren't interested.

 

asking a girl out isn't being a player. i think your perception of dating is all messed.

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But wow, if you are seriously looking then you should be asking at least 1-2 girls per week out. The more you ask the more you will learn and the more chances you have.

 

Ok, LOL, I don't know about that, man. I averaged in the 5-10 range per year and was fine getting dates, but an average looking guy needs to ask out maybe 10-20 a year? 50+ is way too much, my gosh, who has time or energy for that.

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Let me ask you this, if you waited at home for that degree to arrive in the mail, how long would you have been waiting? See where I'm going with this? The fact that you have friends says that you are not a total hermit. Your just not asking for the sale! Don't over analyze!!! Simply care less about the mechanics of it all... put yourself out there, online dating sites, weddings, parties, whatever.

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Agreed. Asking out a girl doesn't make you a player. But approaching random women on the street/in bars does. Or at least, it makes you the kind of guy I'm not. I don't walk up to random women and say 'hey baby...etc.'. I just don't. Just like you probably don't read about quatum physics for fun.

 

So are you saying that that is the reason? That men who have dates do so because they ask out lots of women?

 

I'd like to know...really like to know, why women are so cold towards me. I don't have much condifidence with women because of this.

 

asking a girl out isn't being a player. i think your perception of dating is all messed.
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Agreed. Asking out a girl doesn't make you a player. But approaching random women on the street/in bars does. Or at least, it makes you the kind of guy I'm not. I don't walk up to random women and say 'hey baby...etc.'. I just don't. Just like you probably don't read about quatum physics for fun.

 

So are you saying that that is the reason? That men who have dates do so because they ask out lots of women?

 

I'd like to know...really like to know, why women are so cold towards me. I don't have much condifidence with women because of this.

 

dude, you're inexperienced. that's really it. you need to try. ask out lots? it might be the first one today or tomorrow. who knows? you aren't making moves so your definitely a nil result.

 

who says 'hey baby..' where did you get that notion?

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No I didn't mean literally 'hey baby...", I used that a generic indication of the kind of "I'm a man coming onto a woman and I'm trying to use my smooth man moves to get me some" sort of things. You see it in clubs a lot, the opening line, the hook...I hate it. I hate seeing it and I hate the idea of doing it. I hate games.

 

So...who in your opinion should I ask out? People on the street? Wait until I meet people through friends? Here in the UK people don't tend to ask out strangers - you almost never see it. In fact, I've never seen it.

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Ok, LOL, I don't know about that, man. I averaged in the 5-10 range per year and was fine getting dates, but an average looking guy needs to ask out maybe 10-20 a year? 50+ is way too much, my gosh, who has time or energy for that.

 

Well, I mean ask 1-2 out a week this doesn't mean they all will say yes. At my level 5-10 per year was not getting me enough dates.

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