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Just broken up but work together


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First off here is my previous thread

 

 

 

You guys did warn me but temptation became too much and so I caved in.

 

Had a fantastic nearly 3 months offical and 2 months seeing each other after I made that thread.

 

But over a week ago she ended it, and now we have to still work together.

 

I have just had the last week off so havnt seen her, but i have been getting the famous 'how are u?' txes.

 

Anyway I really need some experiences and tips in how to act at work the best I can? we sit about 10 yards from each other but cannot see each other while at our desks.

 

I basically feel gutted and down about the whole thing.

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pretend to be talking on your cell to your new gf...ok thats just the devils advocate in me talking but honestly, be nice, but dont go out of your way. If she did the breaking up then never initiate a convo, let her and keep it brief and on a semi regular basis use the well i better get back to work line. Basically you let her start any convos and you end them all.

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Thanks guys, thats very helpful indeed.

I am trying not to initate anything and infact its been all her since the day after we broke up.

I have had break ups before like everyone, just wish i remembered how long it took to feel 'happier' again.

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If you don't have a new gf...don't pretend to have one. Only thing your going to do with that bad suggestion is end up having a girl acting like a psycho at work...then what the stalking, rumors, and some type of sabotage!

 

Why did she break up with you and how old is she? Sometimes girls like to play games and see how you may try to win her back...apparently she is not allowing you to grieve or move on if she is texting you....why does she care if your okay or not she just ended it? What does she expect you to do sit in the corner like Lil' Jack Horner eating his Christmas pie"? Or perhaps "twiddle ya thumbs"!

 

But, for right now don't instigate her with fake gf's. Basically, be polite, do your job, and leave after work...go live your life, and take care of yourself!

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Why did she break up with you and how old is she? Sometimes girls like to play games and see how you may try to win her back...apparently she is not allowing you to grieve or move on if she is texting you....why does she care if your okay or not she just ended it?

 

Well she said it was because things were getting too serious and she had been recently thinking about what she wanted in life, and didnt know if a serious relationship was what she wanted.

She also said she didnt know who she was anymore.

 

Lets just say she is roughly 7 years my junior.

 

Im trying to give her space to figure it out, at the same time trying to move on.

 

I always think that if an ex has a change of heart, they will let you know!! no how ru txes in attempt to get you talking, they will just come out with it and say.

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Hon, just move on...give her all the space she needs and in the meantime enjoy being alive and not wasting it on someone who at this moment in life cannot even figure out their own life...it will only make you crazy!

 

If she is getting close to 30 then she is about at this point where people start to analyze their lives...not uncommon.....I am not saying she is lying or being wishy washy, but I understand where she is coming from....I am 44 as you can see and already been down that road and long past that now....at some point we all will go through that in very different ways. As I mentioned before being in your 20's is very confusing, 30's you start to analyze, and 40's you pretty much know what you want and what you don't.

 

And then there are a few who will never have a clue!

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Lets just say shes not quite 20 yet!!

I do understand to a certain degree as Im older and I thought I was ready for a serious rel, but when it came down to it she wasnt - otherwise she would never have ended it.

 

But the fun seeing each other stage could never have gone on forever anyway so this situation was always gona happen.

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Starting to get really nervous about tomorrow - havnt seen her in like 11 days and Im dredding it!!

 

I just hope I can get over someone im going to see at work each day... anyone been in this situation before?

 

The only way I can take positives is that the intimacy memories should fade as time goes by, so hopefully it will get easier?

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I have been in the exact same situation but only had to work with her 2 days a week but it killed the no contact rule, because after I worked with her I would have to start n/c all over again and then spend the rest of the week dealing with how I was going to deal with her when we worked together again. If you still have strong feelings for her you are going to have to do a great acting job and act as if things are ok with you. Dont initiate conversations and keep your answers brief the less contact the better. take a breather go outside take deep breaths. then go back in for some more its not going to be easy but you can do it my former g/f finally quit but it took 3 months of ****ing hell before she did the irony is we wound up getting back together a week before she quit.

 

Good luck with this keep strong. * * * * *

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Hey TypeII (must be a VW guy...as I"ve owned a few those myself). Sorry to hear about your breakup. I've done the at work relationship, then get dumped thing in the past. Even as it was only a few months, the intensity of the relationship is greater as you share every part of each other's worlds for that time, then they push you away and you're left, completely without a reference point as now work which used to likely feel like a relatively safe place emotionally, feels horrible.

 

I recall doing things like going out of my way to not have any contact with her...even as it was hard (we were both teachers in the same school). I would make sure I parked my car on the opposite side of the building from hers, avoid having lunch at the same place or time, make certain I stayed out of her way completely...not out of some prideful thing but for my own recovery from the relationship.

 

In those first few weeks and months, any contact I had with her put me right back down at the bottom of the hill. Even though we worked in the same space and I had every right to walk the same halls she did, I knew I couldn't see her initially at all without remaining stuck.

 

It's damn hard...but you can do it, a day at a time. If it's the sort of situation where you must interact, then do so without any eye contact if possible, at least until you are comfortable in her space again. It will take awhile, at least it did for me. It became an almost spiritual thing for me, as I would detach from those powerful emotions that I knew would prevent me from doing my job well. The payoff was that eventually (about 4 months out), I didn't care and could now ignore her without much effort. I moved on and she was gone within a year anyway. Good luck and hang in there! Are you doing all the right stuff for yourself (working out, sleeping, eating right)...it sounds silly, but that's what we have to do in the initial weeks and months of these breakups...and of course...No Contact is a huge key as well.

Coyote

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The best way to handle these things is to minimize contact as much as you can to get over it. Be polite, but avoid private conversations about anything other than work.

 

If she starts seeking you out to 'be friends', just tell it you think it's best to keep it strictly work related so that you both can get over it.

 

Go out on your lunch breaks and don't hang around work or socialize any more than necessary until you're fine with it... (i.e., if there's a work party, just stay a minute or two then leave so you don't have to see her/watch her).

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well an update on things....

 

Ok here goes - the first day back at work was awkward to say the least, I broke nc with a hello in passing and then a work related email, then that day we just emailed back and forth, she basicaly saying she cant not talk to me.

That week was the same and we grew a little closer, went to the pub for lunch that friday and shared many hugs and a kiss before we got back to the office.

 

Anyway you can prob guess what happened after that, we talked about what happened and concluded it shouldnt have happened as on her side its wrong timing (Major personal issue, part of the reason for ending things with me in first place as needed to be alone to deal with).

 

Says she likes me but thinks we should keep as friends (just about impossible when u like someone though).

 

So next week comes and shes ill and comes in friday (the days where she was off was alot easier i can tell you) but we were txing all the days.

 

So on to this week and monday she suggests going for a cig break and after flirting and getting on well that day we end up hugging and kissing before coming back into the office! I mean common what am I thinking!!

 

The next day we basically do the same thing and also leave work at the same time and share more kisses etc.

 

Yesterday we did the same we she was leaving (met downstairs and kiss goodbye etc).

 

Then today we were getting on well at work and back and forth at each other desks, work related chat and flirting etc and so i then ask her do you want to leave at the same time and she like well im going out a diff way today, So i say ok i understand you dont want anything today and she says well i like hugging you, but i dont want things to get complicated etc!!!!

 

I mean why the hell did she initiate kissing and hugging the last 3 days!!

 

I guess she likes me / has feelings for me but Im like I just wana be with her (I dont show this, I have just been going with the flow thinking we were starting things off slow and acting on our feelings).

 

She kept asking me if im ok with her as I was then about to leave off work. just before she did. I said yeah and we are meant to be having a talk tomo at lunch as we have arranged to have lunch together.

 

Anyone actually know what the hell she is thinking? this is doing me head in, i have strong feelings for her and obviously wana be with her.

 

It just seems we cant leave each other alone - it would be so much easier if we didnt work together

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Dude I was in the same situation you are in now. When we stopped seeing each other he did the same thing she is doing, kisses, hugs, going lunch together, leaving together so we could kiss goodbye and constant talking throughout the day via email. If I had known better I would have never let things continue. I am trying my hardest daily to deal with it and am finding it so difficult.

 

It is not only women who do that. If I come in a morning and I dont speak to him or look in his direction he would either email or call me to ask if I am in a mood with him and it pisses me off to no end. I would just like him to leave me alone.

 

I wish I had some words of advice for you but I am in the same boat as you, so please share any words of wisdom with a fellow sufferer.

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Well she said it was because things were getting too serious and she had been recently thinking about what she wanted in life, and didnt know if a serious relationship was what she wanted.

She also said she didnt know who she was anymore.

 

Lets just say she is roughly 7 years my junior.

 

Im trying to give her space to figure it out, at the same time trying to move on.

 

I always think that if an ex has a change of heart, they will let you know!! no how ru txes in attempt to get you talking, they will just come out with it and say.

 

That is very true and it sounds exactly like what I'm going through. My first ex and I used to work at the same place when we were younger. I remember the first day after we broke up he punch me on the arm and said whats up like i was one of his old buddies. It made me cry and run in the bathroom. Idk if ur ex is very sensitive, but if she is I wouldn't pretend like she's just another buddy. I would make sure she knows she's a little more special than that to u even if you aren't dating anymore. Idk if that makes sense but it's just coming from someone who's had it done to them.

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Thanks for your words - at the moment I feel like Im the idiot for getting involved with someone at work.

 

Another update - went to lunch on Friday, (agreed to go about tues or wed) after that txt on thurs we agreed to talk over a drink on friday at lunch - never happened, we just got on and flirted towards the end of it and went back to work and kissed and hugged on the stairs again!! obv we both know we still like each other, but i do want more, i want to be with this person.

 

Overtime on sat and i mentioned about going for a cig break - email back straight away saying il come with u let me know when ur going, as u can guess after the break we hug and kiss again!!

 

The thing is i understand the reason why she wouldnt want to get involved with anyone at the moment and im the only person she has told about her issue, but i find it so hard to resist any interaction! I go to work thinking things will be diff today and i wont email or talk to her, but she always comes over!!

 

Im thinking of leaving the job to be honest because i cant continue like this, as i know she wont be leaving anytime soon.

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