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Getting inside a woman's "bed" head


oldenoughtoknow

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behaviors that attract men the most...
behaviors that attract men the most [Understand your man]

Maybe I've been reading too many threads on mismatched libidos, but it got me to thinking.

 

Much of our popular media, and modern day psychologists, thread moderators, you name it, advocate that in a mature, stable, healthy relationship, initiating sex should be an equally shared experience. I have rarely experienced that. There were a couple women in my past that seemed very close to shared. There were a couple where she was more often the initiator. But in the vast majority of my relationships, I have usually been the initiator, to either a slight or very large degree.

 

Is this generally true? I'm using some blatantly non-PC stereotypes here: Boys will be boys, and tend to want to pursue, and have sex more often (I know, I know, I've read those threads too). And women tend to enjoy being pursued and being, well, more passive. Terms that come to mind are "give him some," "let him take me," "make love to me." (That last one always gets me...I guess that's why she just laid there motionless).

 

Are most women more comfortable having the man be more aggressive in initiation, so they can be passively in control?

 

I think you know the underlying position with this one: if the guy does most of the asking and receives most of the rejections, that works its way towards the woman being able to have sex whenever she wants. Pretty nice deal for you gals. (I know this can go both directions, but this is my thread).

 

Do most women feel more sexy, or desirable (to whatever degree) when they feel they're "being taken" by a (to whatever degree) more aggressive man?

 

I have always noticed, even with the most aggressive of my past partners, that women tend to enjoy passivity during sex. They enjoy having their arms pinned over their head in the missionary position (they feel like they're being taken). They tend to ask me to choose the position after foreplay - "how do you want me?" They generally like me to be in charge and be a passive recipient.

 

So tell me what you think, ladies (guys opinions are fine as well). I know everyone is different, and it swings both ways. But I thought it would be interesting to get some anonymous opinions on this subject.

 

Is there really equality of the sexes on the area of sex initiation? Or are our genders still in charge between the sheets?

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The fact is that societal impressions weigh very heavily on a womans "bed head". That is, if she initiates, if shes is the dominant,not simply a game but a standard and if shes is the one leading then society deems her as a * * * * / * * * * * . Its a double standard that should be phased out and i think it is slowly to some degree seeing there are more and more women out there who dont care and ultimately that will change social stigma of the aggressive woman but until then its up to us men to in most cases be the sole leader when it comes to sex.

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women have hormones. talking seperately from healthy relationships and etc we respond to one more cue. ovulation and if the girl is on it--birth control.

we cant change the fact we have a specific time where our sex drive peaks, and the cost of safer sex to avoid pregnancy is sometimes a completely murdered or faded libido.

men have neither of these variables.

except.. in some studies its proven that men desire women more when they are ovulating. as that would make sense.

 

i initiate a good deal of sex in my current relationship. but honestly the parts of the month where i am least receptive or interested is post ovulation. i cant help this. and im certain it has something to do with it.

because of this i can say that my SO initiates or is interested slightly more than i am.

 

when i was on bc i didnt ovulate. as a result i was completely disinterested in sex. i was also in a turbulent relationship with an idiot.

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. i was also in a turbulent relationship with an idiot.

 

that may have had more to do with it although i have heard that different pills effect women differently but i still think there is something primal instilled for men to "take" the woman and for her to be taken.

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that may have had more to do with it although i have heard that different pills effect women differently but i still think there is something primal instilled for men to "take" the woman and for her to be taken.

 

if you want to say that then yeah.

but i think more credit needs to be given to the fact that like dogs we go into heat.

A stallion breeds all year, a mare has cycles where she is receptive.

being in a socially healthy relationship cant mend the difference.

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Even before reaching the stage of sex women make it very very clear that they want men to do all the pursuing and initiating things right? Even now the norm is for the man to go after the woman and ask her for a date and face potential rejection, not the other way round. Not trying to sound negative but women do like to be passive for the most of the game. Not just sex.

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I think this is all a load of crap. In the beginning, some women may hold back for fear that he will think she is "easy" or a "nympho". But once you get past those first impressions, men and women should be initiative (somewhat) equally. Even if sex drives differ, a couple would do well to agree that the partner with a lower sex drive deliberately takes more initiative while the partner with a higher sex drive holds back.

 

Regarding preferences regarding domination, that's a different story. But I think generally we like variety. Sometimes she can control and sometimes he can.

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Just my two cents, but I feel like you can't put all of the women in one basket. Not ALL girls out there are going to like being a bit submissive, no matter where they are in their cycle.

 

Call me niave, but I still feel like the best way to figure out what is going on in a girl's head is to ask her? If she likes you to be the rough caveman type in bed, she'll tell you. My problem is that my girls seem to like rough caveman one minute and soft, gentle, respectful lover the next. Arrgh! Still living and learning on that one, but it is fun trying to find out

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Even before reaching the stage of sex women make it very very clear that they want men to do all the pursuing and initiating things right? Even now the norm is for the man to go after the woman and ask her for a date and face potential rejection, not the other way round. Not trying to sound negative but women do like to be passive for the most of the game. Not just sex.

 

women can tend to be more insecure when it comes to attraction. alot of second guessing. and we are lazy and selfish. what other stereotypes can we slap on that one?

grymoire, a woman who initiates sex isnt an anomaly. but dont expect every woman to want sex more than an average man. we are programmed for the difference.

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Just my two cents, but I feel like you can't put all of the women in one basket. Not ALL girls out there are going to like being a bit submissive, no matter where they are in their cycle.

 

 

 

actually it makes more sense for a woman to be dominate while ovulating

 

but yes, i agree you cant stick everyone in the same category. some women have extremely high libidos that their men cant keep up with.

i still have to stick with hormonal reasons being the main factor here.

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women can tend to be more insecure when it comes to attraction. alot of second guessing. and we are lazy and selfish. what other stereotypes can we slap on that one?

grymoire, a woman who initiates sex isnt an anomaly. but dont expect every woman to want sex more than an average man. we are programmed for the difference.

 

ooh EqD... why so serious?

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Is this generally true? I'm using some blatantly non-PC stereotypes here: Boys will be boys, and tend to want to pursue, and have sex more often. And women tend to enjoy being pursued and being, well, more passive. Terms that come to mind are "give him some," "let him take me," "make love to me." (That last one always gets me...I guess that's why she just laid there motionless).

 

In the 3 men I've been with: No, not true. I've always been the one that wanted more sex. That doesn't mean I enjoy persuing more, it just means I have to in order to get what I want.

 

As for your make love to me, it's more the type of sex we want to engage in, not the actaul actions (or lack of actions as this case may be). We want sweet, passionate sex. Not F me baby, oh yeah, harder- sex.

 

Are most women more comfortable having the man be more aggressive in initiation, so they can be passively in control?

 

If the guy does most of the asking and receives most of the rejections, that works its way towards the woman being able to have sex whenever she wants.

 

This only occurs if the girl (or guy in my case) rejects. Even if I had a lower sex drive, 98% of the time I wouldn't reject advances, I just wouldn't initiate it.

 

I think women don't initiate sex not because they want the man to so that the woman can be in control. I think it's more to do with wanting/ craving or it less often. Unless she's the type of person to use sex against you.

 

Do most women feel more sexy, or desirable (to whatever degree) when they feel they're "being taken" by a (to whatever degree) more aggressive man?

 

I have always noticed, even with the most aggressive of my past partners, that women tend to enjoy passivity during sex. They enjoy having their arms pinned over their head in the missionary position (they feel like they're being taken). They tend to ask me to choose the position after foreplay - "how do you want me?" They generally like me to be in charge and be a passive recipient.

 

Uhh yes, think about it... when you can't keep your hand off us and need us SOOOO bad... Um of COURSE that makes me feel sexy DUH. If a women just wanted to rip your shirt off and feel your throbbing member inside her... does that not make YOU feel undeniably sexy and irrestiable? We all want to be loved, and wanted... and this is a way of showing it.

 

Some women have a fanstasy of seducing, and having a man anyway they want... and men have fantasies of women taking control and dominating. I think you're making too many very general assumptions.

 

It does go both ways, you say so yourself!

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I agree that hormones will make you want to be more dominant on some days, but I also think that some women are just more dominant than others.

 

i dont like that word "dominant" to desribe it.

interested i think is the proper word.

like i said yes some women can and do desire it more, hypersexual women, but in general i think it hinges more on ovulation phases than anything (excluding social reasons)

personally when i am at my most receptive i initiate most of the time. i'll play with him, grab him, say things to turn him on, etc. not to be crude but i'll take down his pants. But after my time comes and goes it drops off. So a better part of the month i'm instigating and the last small part i'm much more uninterested. i dont instigate as much or as seriously as i did say a week ago.

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