my own story

[aston]

All i can say is read the posts on these boards if they help you but take em with a pinch of salt.

 

For those of you that post on here and get the responses "don't look back" "it won't work" etc etc. Please don't be put off by this but make sure you know your situation well, what went wrong and how to resolve this and wheather the relationship had built up enough to create love in both parties. Please don't chase the comfort of a partner or the need, make sure you know what you love about them (unconditional love). Don't get involved in playing games wheather its yourself or the other party, if this is happening it's not meant to be, move on.

 

My story:

 

Me and partner together for many many years, for the last year of it i acted like a complete * * * * head chatting up other women but never cheating (although i now know this is cheating). Why did i do this, well i thought i'd missed out on something, havent had many sexual partners. Wow did i * * * * up.

Anyway cut a long story short, she had enough (rightly) so and found companionship in someone else. I busted her dec08 and did all the normal * * * * of begging pleading etc. We had a lot of stuff to sort after we'd been together so long and did it rather amicably apart from the little whingy * * * * * I was every time i saw her "please take me back" this infuriated her (You know that look i got---I'm sure you got the same).

 

So we went our separate ways, for weeks I would find any excuse to phone her, the smallest of things. She answered all of my calls but that tone of voice damn, never ever had i heard that tone.

 

Then after talking to friends family and trawlling through tons of webpages (keywords "get her back" etc etc). I went full on No Contact

 

Eventually I (you) found myself, started to get direction back, yes i had my bad days but resisted speaking to her, months down the line bang, my email box. I opened this with such excitement and also extemely scared.

 

I'd had a big change in my life and a friend had informed her and she wanted to check if I was ok. I caved and phoned her. "this might sound bitter but * * * is the point in that email". Her response "sorry, got it wrong". Phone call over. Ok back to square one but I was now in a better frame and knew the pain would die down quick.

 

3 days later i caved again but this time with reason. I did the one thing i keep reading not to do. I did not plead nor beg but asked "can we make a go of it". The response i got was not what i expected but was what i wanted to here "we should talk about it" OMG.

 

By this time i was prepared taking everything at face value and not getting my hopes up. We arranged to meet. The meeting was extremely emotional and we discussed all our fears, no blame was issued and we are currently making a go of things.

 

Please don't read to much into your own situation with this. Each is very individual.

 

Things to bear in mind

 

Make sure you want them back for the correct reasons.

Whatever caused the relationship to fail needs to be addressed and changed.

No contact for LTR's. I believe is a must it gives youthe time to recover and also for them to know what they missed (even if u were a D88K like me).

When you think you are ready, don't plead or beg or push just ask (took me 5 months to get to this position).

Don't listen to anyone else about your relationship (only you and your partner know the real answers)

If given the chance discuss the issues but don't hold grudges! if they do aginst you, my advice bail

 

Its still early days for me and the OH, If you never hear from me agian it worked, taking it one day at a time. Just thought i'd post a semi happy story here

 

Aston

[Ekips]

Aston,

 

Inspirational!! I love your story. I loved that you got yourself back first. I also loved that you admitted you were a D***. No one is perfect right? Because I wasn't perfect either. My bf and I parted ways about six weeks ago (13 days of NC). I am finding my way back to a healthier and happier me. I believe that's the only way I can move forward in my relationship (with or without him). I thought two weeks of NC was painful, but five months? I hope for only the best for you and pray that it was worth it. Keep us updated anyways. This inspired me... so I know this should inspire other people. I know every case is different. Best.

[brokenheart311]

Thanks for sharing that. I hope to be where you are in about 5 or 6 months. I pray the best for you.

[metafisics]

Happy for you Aston

To me your story proves that one needs a heart/mind balance in these things. Sometimes you have to be vulnerable a bit Especially is you acknowledge you were in the wrong.

 

I find your move very attractive BTW and and all the best going forward.

[Starlancer]

How old are the two of you?

 

And how long were you together?

 

Congrats!

[skreen23]

Great story, best of luck to you in the future.

[aston]

Thanks peeps, as said one day at a time

 

Starlancer both mid 30's been together for just over a decade, never married no kids. I hope to marry her now but not for a few years (she means that much to me, swore i would never marry, strange how love changes things. Fingers crossed).

 

As to Ekips yeah ur right we are not perfect, i now acknowledge my faults and i'm now very truthful, i just hope the same is reciprecated. At the time of the split i put her on a pedastal this is now not the case and i'm now more aware of her short commings and wrongs aswell.

 

Thanks to all for the messages of support.

 

I suppose what i'm trying to get accross which is said so many times before but is so true. I'f you've split from an Ltr (2yrs plus) give them the space, you need it more as hard as it seems. Find the true you and if you still love them do ur hardest to get them back without making them feel akward.

 

Again aimed at Ekips, i know the NC's hard damn she was the first and last thing on my mind during the days. Go on dates think i did 20+, I found this extremely hard,they didnt go anywhere for me but helped alot. Really really don't bug them or be part of their life it hurts but if they truly love you it hurts them just as much. I needed 5 months because by then I knew i could cope on my own and get on with things infact i had myself down for anothe 2 months so 7 in total before i was gonna phone her.

 

The fears that were takin out of my head when we first spoke were she would be attached to the other guy, was she no, she admitted I was the only thing on her mind. I have totally forgiven her cos i was the D88k who pushed her to him and everyones entitled to mistakes.

 

 

Why oh why is it that some of the posts I read on here sorta accept a man to sleep with others while in a relationship but if a woman does OMG. We all make mistakes.

 

Ps: don't chase something thats not worthwhile, really really do think about this. Make sure you know its not comfort or need. This is why u truly do need absolutley NC and date loads, I didn't date to meet someone else (well perhaps i did, never found it anyway). Whatit did do was teach me alot about myself and i got to meet some nice people.

 

I really do endorse FULL NC, you will know when the time is right if it is.

 

the things i realised in NC i hear u ask:

 

I missed her mind, we can sit for hours not talking and know truly what each is thinking (she is my best friend) and yes I did know my relationship was failing

her smile

her humour

how much of a d88k i was

my goals in life (completley lost track of these)

To get in touch with my emotions (not just the crying I did)

to not rely on peeps

and to live each day as it comes, S**t happens

 

quite a few others but hey this post is long enough

 

Aston

[Honey610]

Thank you for sharing your story. I just finished writing my own personal thoughts through my never ending journey and this past break up (though not my longest relationship) has taught me so much, more than all my other relationships combined.

 

He was a keeper and though I would love to reconcile I strongly believe that NC is the best route for now. I respect the fact that you are accepting your flaws and improving yourself. I think when you truly do this, is when things start to come full circle for everyone.

 

I really hope things work out well for you, and I'm sure they will either way. Keep us posted!