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sigh, how long will this last


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For about 5years now i have been broken up with my ex-gf, we stayed close friends even though i really would have rather been left alone. I hate that i still love her because it hurts so much, every waking moment i think about her. everytime i hear her voice/see her face i feel happy for that short time.

 

What makes this worse is the job i have, its an hour from home and i work second shift so im basically not around my family much and rarely see me friends.

 

So my daily grind is wake up stare at ground and wish i was still with my ex, go online check my email/messages hopeing my ex sent me a message. if im still really depressed ill try and get more sleep as im not in the mood to do anything else. then i have to get ready for work, drive an hour in my car all the time wishing i wasnt alone. Get to work look happy while at the same time wishing i had someone by my side, I finish the day feeling that i accomplished nothing and drive back home half asleep with my head swirling around and a paint in my stomache. I get home, moms asleep i feel hungry but i dont feel like eating. so i just goto bed, sometimes cry and fall asleep.

 

I dont know how long this can last, its effecting my personal life and i hate it. I have no one to lean on as all my friends are the type that dont get into serious relationships so its there opinions that either i should get drunk or need to get laid. I try to get drunk but just cant keep more than two shots down without almost throwing up (and for me thats hard to believe as usually i can hold my liquor better than most of my friends). And well the second suggestion only works if i could find someone but with my crazy life i dont have time.

 

All i want in life is someone to be by my side. to hold me when im sad. someone that i feel is worth fighting for.

 

If anything not only do i still love my ex i feel jealous because she as all the time in the world (no job), if she looses her boyfriend she has another in a few days (they just line up for her), and all her friends support her more than i ever could get (shes never alone). She lives a life i wish i had, even though she has a kid she still is able to go out have fun, while im always stuck working and going to school and not getting anywhere but deeper in depression.

 

I fell in love with this girl 8 years ago and my life has never been the same. She was the only girl i know that accepted me for me instead of what i looked like. I have not met a girl yet in person that usually didnt want to run aways screeming from the fat guy. People say that i should just forget about my depression and just loose weight and better myself when all i feel like is unless i have someone to better myself for there is no reason to do it.

 

 

Sorry if i ramble, Havent been in a good enough mood to play CoD4 anymoore so yeah.

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I fell in love with this girl 8 years ago and my life has never been the same.

 

so its time to move on and forget her

 

She was the only girl i know that accepted me for me instead of what i looked like.

 

but it didnt work out? So whats that mean? she pretended your looks didnt matter but realized she cant be with you, or your not a good catch?

 

People say that i should just forget about my depression and just loose weight and better myself when all i feel like is unless i have someone to better myself for there is no reason to do it.

 

If you better yourself and your body, what would prevent you from finding someone to be at your side? you said girls run from the fat guy, so make it they run to the fit/in shape guy.

 

It will get your mind off of your ex, it will bring new women into your life, you will feel better, look better, and be healthier.

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i know, when i posted that message i had too much time on my hand and thought about things too much. After work my ex called and we talked since one of our friends that we havent seen in years might come down to see us and after talking abit im less depressed, i guest its not so much that im still in love with her its just that im so busy in my life that i dont get time to see my friends very often or talk to them, she was always my support but with the way things have been going recently that support hasnt been there and ive been falling into some deep depression. now that im more clear of mind and my logical side of my brain is working again, i dont really care if me in my ex ever get back together, i value our friendship and i would never want to loose that.

 

Note to self and others, give a mind time to think and it will make you go crazy, keep yourself working, hang out with friends, go read a book.

 

I will think about trying to hang out with friends more and maybe i wont get so depressed and bored that i try to post here again lol,

 

p.s. btw thanks at least someone besides the voice in my head talks to me .

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p.s. btw thanks at least someone besides the voice in my head talks to me .

 

thats what we are here for, even if we cant help maybe we can get you thinking and you can figure it out on your own, just as you done.

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