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How to let go of a girls past.


curious11
How To Say Goodbye To The Past And ...
How To Say Goodbye To The Past And Make A Fresh Start

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I read up on a thread started by someone who was talking about her b/f's past. She talked about the hard time she was having with it.

 

The thing that hurts me the most is I HAVE NO PART IN IT. I cannot say something about this girls past, because that is wrong. I dont have a say in her past. And there is nothing I can do about it. But how do you forget about that?

 

It doesnt bother me to the point where im losing my mind. But it bothers me to the point where im afraid to take our relationship to the next step. We have been seeing eachother for over 2 months now. I am faithful to her, but is she really faithful to me? Can I trust her?

 

These are all things that run through my mind when I tell myself "she is perfect for me".

 

Heres the story. Im 21, she is 19. I am fairly mature for my age, she is.. well lets say she acts her age. People always said.. "keep away from this girl she has slept with half of the town". BUT girls talk drama and love c**kblocking. She told a dear friend of mine she has cheated on every b/f shes ever had. She has slept with a 36 year old. And slept with her b/fs best friend. These are all things I try to ignore. They arnt good lol.

 

With her, we have a special bond. Im not controlling like her previous b/f's. I talk to her when she has time and I have time. We see eachother maybe once or twice a week. We are very loving with eachother. We kiss eachother goodbye, we hold hands. We hook up with eachother and then cuddle. These are all things that make me happy. And one part of me tells me its real, another part of me tells me to let her go because of her past.

 

How do i know if this is real or not? How can i forget about her past? I guess for now I will keep my distance.

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I have some of the exact same issues w/ my b/f. He's great and we're great together, but before we got together he was all over the place, cheating on his girlfriend, sleeping with his female friends (some of whom he's still friends with)...basically just acting pretty sketchy.

 

It's hard because you really can't hold something against somebody when they didn't do it to you. I can't get mad at him for how he acted in his past relationship. And so far, he's been so amazing in this one. But there's always that little voice that says..."If he could do it to her..."

 

I think the answer is that you have to talk to her. I know it's tempting to pretend that you're totally strong and secure, even when you're not, but the truth is that otherwise it'll just eat you up inside. Tell her what your worries are. Make it clear that you have no interest in being in the kind of relationship where stuff like that happens. And see what she says. Maybe ask her why she did that stuff before, and what's different now. Not in an accusatory way, just in a talking way.

 

I don't know...I think this is a tricky issue. And the reality is that time is probably the only thing that will really make you feel better. I mean, if six months passes and she's still acting totally trustworthy and everything's still great, I'm sure your worries will seem a lot farther away.

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This isn't so much about her past as it is about whether or not you can trust her. Just take the relationship slowly. Observe her and see if she's a trustworthy partner, like you would in any relationship. Over time, trust will develop.

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Ya it is tough, my mind always says well she did it then... she can do it to me. She is very difficult when it comes to talking about that stuff. If she were to ever be sketchy and do something I think she would be brutally honest. She says im a sweetheart and nothing like her ex's. That she really likes me a lot. Her friends even tell her that im really nice and sweet.

 

But sometimes thats not always a good thing. I have to make it clear that im not going to stand for that kind of stuff if she wants to keep moving forward with this. I will continue to take things slow. I dont want to get attatched and fall for this girl hard right away. Im playing it out slowly so if somethin were to happen then id have my answer before I get closer. Thanks for your input, its good to know someone else is going through the same issue.

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This is quite a situation.

Some say once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

But I say that if you really like her, maybe you should give her a chance. If you don't try, you'll never know.

 

I've cheated on 2 bf and done my share of fooling around with guys.

Sometimes girls who fool around/sleep around are simply acting out in inappropriate ways. When I was younger, I thought that's the only way to get a guy to really like you. Now I've learned that's not the case.

 

My husband knows about my past, hell, he was one of the guys I slept with when I was hooked up with someone else. I've asked him if he worries about me cheating on him. He did when we first started going out, mind you, he also had his share of cheating girlfriends but now he understands that I'm different and I've learned from my past.

 

Ultimately, I say ignore all the bull * * * * you're hearing and listen to your own instincts. Even if things don't turn out, at least you'll be able to say that you gave it a go and had a good time.

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I really do like her. With both our situations, we dont have much time to see eachother. But when we do its a great feeling. I make her laugh she makes me laugh, we can just look at eachother and smile. I know she really likes me, but she also trys to hide it. Just like I do. I think we both have fear and trust issues. But we are definitely a good match. For the most part I forget about her past. But every now and then i remember being told she slept with a 36 year old when she was 18. I mean thats pretty bad right? And that was only 5 months ago when she was cheating on her b/f with his best friend. So she was screwing around with 3 guys at once!

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I really do like her. With both our situations, we dont have much time to see eachother. But when we do its a great feeling. I make her laugh she makes me laugh, we can just look at eachother and smile. I know she really likes me, but she also trys to hide it. Just like I do. I think we both have fear and trust issues. But we are definitely a good match. For the most part I forget about her past. But every now and then i remember being told she slept with a 36 year old when she was 18. I mean thats pretty bad right? And that was only 5 months ago when she was cheating on her b/f with his best friend. So she was screwing around with 3 guys at once!

 

Behaviour shows what kind of values and character she has. 5 months ago she was screwing around with three men and cheating. I find it hard to believe that in 5 months she has changed so dramatically. You have only been with her for two months so she is happy in the honeymoon period. What happens when the relationship gets on firmer ground and she starts to get "bored"...her values are that there is nothing wrong with cheating, lying and sleeping with multiple men. You are right to be very cautious.

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Yeah, definitely take it slow and keep your eyes open. If she's not good at communicating and isn't mature, that's not a good sign given the past behavior.

 

If you can't find some way to get this out of your mind, there isn't really any hope for a healthy relationship though (assuming she remains faithful/trustworthy).

 

Also, for future gfs, don't talk about relationship history! That helps too.

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