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I have been thinking, does this mean I have intimacy issues you think? hmm


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I have been thinking that almost all of my past boyfriends started out by telling me that they wanted to be with me because they wanted to show me that there are good guys out there. Then the start treating me bad and then dumping me, does that mean I have some type of intimacy issues. It turns out that I start to get annoyed by them and maybe I start treating them not so good? They dump me by saying they thought they could change me but it didn't work so they are dumping me basically.

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I don't think you shoudl question it. You were what, 20, when you started dating your ex? You were pretty much still a teenager then. You've aged 7 years, leaving time for maturing and growing and developing different thought processes, values, beliefs, etc.

 

I'm 6 months shy of 27 and I am so different from how I was at 20, which was the age I was engaged and couldn't wait to start popping out babies. Since then, I've learned so much and matured so much, but I know I still have some growing to do.

 

So don't focus on things guys in the past told you. Focus on changing yourself now and developing your own thoughts and conclusions about YOURSELF and NOT what others have told you.

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I guess but even my ex told me that I was bitter and he wanted to be with me and change me but I didn't change and thats why he left, he said I was spoiled and negative. I am changing but not fast enough I guess. I just feel bad I guess. Why get in a relationship with someone to change them and then when they don't change you hurt them and dump them? Thats so hurtful. I though he would accept me for who I was and would allow me to grow into a better person, not just dump me.

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No one should try to change anyone in a realtionship. If that was his motivation to be with you, then good riddance to him! You can't change overnight. Don't even try b/c you'll fail. Just take it one day at a time and do what you can. Start wiht being grateful for small things--a sunny day, a nice breeze, a funny TV show (Golden Girls!). Then expand it--be grateful for indoor plumbing, refridgerators, hot showers. Then be grateful for even bigger things--legs to walk on, lungs to breathe with. It'll make you much more positive and not take things for granted as much. I used to be SOOOO negative. I could find fault in anything. I started being grateful for small things and it's helped so much. I feel much happier and healthier and rich in my heart.

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Do you believe that b/c he had such a hold on you or do you believe that b/c you know it to be true in yourself, not just b/c of what he said?

 

Just b/c someone says something about you doesn't make it true.

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Then work on that. Don't assume you have intimacy issues b/c someone said that about you. Focus on being grateful and seeing good things in people. Try to change areas of yourself you're not too happy with.

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You didn't lose him. You guys just weren't a good fit. You need to stop blaming yourself. He was probably just as much at fault. No matter what you did, you two probably wouldve broken up eventually. Better now than later.

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I don't think either of you had respect for the other. Yea it hurts that it ended but one day it'll stop hurting. You can start working on yourself and build the respect you have for yourself and eventually carry that on into another relationship.

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