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Gay guys..need your advice.


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I'd prefer a gay male to answer, but any insight would be nice!

 

I've had this male friend for YEARS. 7 to be exact. We have always been extremely close, and the best of friends. (were 18 by the way, so we pretty much grew up together)

 

Anyway...Over the years, I always knew he was different than the other boys I knew. And to make a long story short, I figured out he was gay...just still in the closet. He's made comments about how the female genitals freak him out and he's grossed out by it...I've caught him off guard commenting on males, or looking at them longer than a straight man would..and the big finale. I've found gay porn on his computer. SO! Needless to say, he's gay. Which is totally cool! I'm very accepting of the gay community, and I will love him no matter what as a person and a friend.

 

But my question is...when we hang out...he does things that just confuse the hell out of me. He does things a straight guy would do... He'll make comments about my body or something along the lines.. He will be extremely jealous of my boyfriends or guys that I talk to.. He's even tried stealing my phone from me multiple times to see who I'm talking to when he's around..

 

But the huge thing that gets me...is sometimes he will wind up staying over...after all he's like one of my girlfriends if you know what I mean, so I don't think twice about the guy staying over! But during the night, when he thinks I'm sleeping, he will try and do things. NOT WHEN IM AWAKE! But when he thinks I'm sleeping. Sometimes I'm woken up by things he does. Not to get too graphic here, but he will put my hands on his private parts, or he will start humping my leg, or grab my breasts......it's things like that, that just freak me out and make me question.

 

It's been like that ever since we've been friends. He's not had a single relationship...he's dated girls..but..no girlfriends.

I don't ask him about his sexuality, because I'm afraid it may upset him since he's not willing to accept it himself and then not be my friend anymore.

It's just so obvious that he is, I just don't know why he's still trying to hide it.

 

So any input would be awesome! I'd like to hear advice or just commentary from you guys... Especially gay males to see where he might be coming from! I don't understand it! lol Thanks

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Just because you are totally cool with him being gay, doesn't mean he is totally cool with you knowing and being out with you.

 

Gay or straight his behavior when you're sleeping together as "friends", and him making moves on you is at very best bizarre and unacceptable. I guess you've known him for a long time and see things in a different light but if I were you, I would stop sleeping in the same bed as your friend. If you're feeling that this is no big deal you might need to examine why you are comfortable with him doing that.

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thanks for the replies.

 

I guess I never noticed how strange his behavior was because...like lukeb said, I've known this guy for 7 years and I just don't feel weird around him. If it were a new guy....I would probably call the cops lol

 

Although this last time we went to a concert with a group of our friends and he actually came and got in the hotel bed with me and proceeded to do those strange things and it really bothered me because...our friends were right next to us! It made me feel dirty, and it made me lose respect for him.

 

In the morning he acts as if nothing happens! Every single time! But it's still awkward between us after he does that.

 

Again..the initial reason why I posted here was because I'm certain he's gay, yet he still has this weird behavior with me during the night...but now I guess I can understand, despite anything, his behavior is not right.

 

 

I'm still lost...lol

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I want to confront him about both his sexuality and why he's doing those things to me.

 

I'm just afraid that I'll lose his friendship cause I know him....and I KNOW he will be upset if I bring that subject up...always has.

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I want to confront him about both his sexuality and why he's doing those things to me.

 

I'm just afraid that I'll lose his friendship cause I know him....and I KNOW he will be upset if I bring that subject up...always has.

 

Tell him you love him as a friend, and that you will always be there for him, and get him to promise the same. Then tell him there's something you want to talk about, but also tell him what you have told us, that you don't want to lose his friendship. Proceed from there.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, as everyone has said, you should probably say something about him molesting you in your sleep.

 

However, I don't think its fair for you to expect him to tell you about being gay. As bizarre as this may seem to you, since you are certain he is gay, he may not be completely sure himself yet. Everything points to him being uncomfortable with that idea, even him humping your leg. Listen, this may just be me, but its harder to come out to people you've known for a long time and/or the people who you are closest to. You say that you will love him no matter what but it isn't about you. His sexuality is his problem to deal with, and if he is uncomfortable telling you that you need to deal with it. Expecting him to come out to you or questioning him about it is pretty rude. I think if you are really his friend, you would wait until he is comfortable enough to tell you himself.

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