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Letter to my ex... need objective opinions please :)


Honey610
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Hi Everyone,

 

My (ex) boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago and I was of course very upset. He basically said that he thought I was making him pay for my exes mistakes and I was too impatient (according to him, I wasn't able to go with the flow). Whether his explanation is true or not, I believe that is how he felt because at the end of the day, I do trust him. He could secretly be seeing someone, cheated on me etc. but unless I know for sure I don't see the point of over analyzing it. So a few days after we broke up I wrote the following letter to him and just wanted to see what you guys thought of it. Of course, I may have exhibited some insecurity on my part and I am definitely not perfect but he was also emotionally distant. We're human and I accepted him for it but he obviously didn't accept me.

 

I appreciate all your advice in advance! If you need any clarification please feel free to ask.

 

Also, thank you to all of you cause I have done NC after I sent this letter and I feel sooooooo much better. Thank God for this forum!

 

 

"Good morning/afternoon,

 

How are you? I've been doing a lot of thinking since our break up and have realized a lot of things. I'm going to try to make this as short as I can to get to the point.

 

I know you said that you feel like I've made you pay for my exes mistake and initially, I didn't understand what you mean but now I do. The thing is, that was not my intention at all. I am DEFINITELY over my ex and I made sure that after we broke up that I took enough time to get over it because I didn't want to make someone go through what I went through. So I took 6 months to do and I was glad!

 

Anyway, during that time, I focused so much time on getting my mind right and making sure I remained positive that I didn't really pay attention to any other part of my behavior. So I believe that I was exhibiting insecure behavior to you even though I didn't feel insecure at all! And because no concerns were brought up in regards to my behavior I thought everything was fine. So when you were distancing yourself a bit, I failed to recognize that I may have been doing/saying something to warrant that. Instead, I thought it was you...so little by little you started to distance yourself and then that's why I began to ask you about it. It wasn't because I was nagging you it was because I was concerned and wanted to make sure we communicated since we said at the beginning that that was important.

 

I honestly believe if this was brought to my attention that this would not be an issue. It's not fair that the first I was hearing about the situation was right before we broke up. And at that time, I didn't even know what to say cause I was in shock.

 

As for me being impatient, well I guess that kinda went hand in hand with the behavior lol Though I have to say, when I ask you to meet up 5 days before, its only because I want to be considerate of your time and I'm not going to just assume you're available to see me whenever I may think you are. And its only cause I want to see you since we don't talk/see each other too much during the week.

 

So that pretty much sums it up.

 

If I recognized it earlier then I know it wouldn't have been an issue. I believe this was all a misunderstanding that just needed to be communicated better.

 

I would like to give things another try and hopefully work on this together. "

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As for me being impatient, well I guess that kinda went hand in hand with the behavior lol Though I have to say,Though I have to say, when I ask you to meet up 5 days before, its only because I want to be considerate of your time and I'm not going to just assume you're available to see me whenever I may think you are.

 

Was he calling it impatient that you'd say 5 days ahead for example, you would like to see him on a certain day?

 

And its only cause I want to see you since we don't talk/see each other too much during the week
.

 

How long were you dating? If you didn't see each other or even talk much during the week there may have been other issues?

 

Your letter is really good. You take responsibility for your part well, though be careful not to take on all of the blame for things.

 

If you discuss reconciling he needs to be equally able to see his part in your communications and how to improve on his end just as you do/are.

 

Good luck

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Thanks CranberryMuffin.

 

Well he said I was impatient because I would call him on a Tuesday to make plans for Friday or Saturday. He was like, ookay why are we making plans so early I don't know what I'm doing on the weekend. Weird huh?

 

Well he's studying for his boards (he finished med school) so he was studying A LOT during the week and I was looking for a job which took up a lot of time for me as well. So we would talk for like maybe 30-45 minutes on average a day, though not everyday.

 

We were only dating a couple of months.

 

Thanks for your post

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Well he said I was impatient because I would call him on a Tuesday to make plans for Friday or Saturday. He was like, ookay why are we making plans so early I don't know what I'm doing on the weekend.

 

Weird huh?

 

It depends on whether he meant he didn't know what he was doing in terms of the timing of your & his plans that were assumed (time together). For instance if you wanted to go to a movie at 1 p.m. & he may want to go to a movie or spend time with you but has to do xyz before.

 

Orrrr...... if he meant he didn't know what he was doing in terms of seeing you at all or where you & he together would fit into his weekend plans. If that is so then yes, I don't consider it very caring nor nice. Especially since you don't see one another or talk a lot during the week. You would think he would be as interested in making plans as you are.

 

I am dating someone and we often make plans for the weekend on a Tues. or even a Monday if we want to do something but know we won't have the time in our schedules until the weekend.

 

If you feel like it I would love to know if he responds and how.

 

All the best.

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I mean, I don't know exactly what he meant...but I think he meant, that I liked kinda having an idea of what we're going to do for the day we meet up like "oh, why don't we go to the Guggenheim..." or something like that. Which to be honest, when I go back and read the posts from this thread, I don't really see what the problem is/was.

 

He actually did write back. He said that he thinks its the best decision (that we're not together) and that he's trying to do this as amicably as he can because he thinks I'm a very good person. He also said he hopes I understand.

 

So I wrote back, "I understand. Take care of yourself

 

And that was the last words said.

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Thanks Cranberry

 

It's been about 3 weeks and I definitely feel soooooo much better since I've been doing NC after sending that email (3 days after we broke up). I mean I think about him, but I am definitely not waiting for his phone call or email or anything. I have accepted the break up Also, he's a great guy but I don't even know if I want him back in my life as a boyfriend, but maybe a friend 4 or 5 months later. Who knows?

 

Whatever is meant to be, will be!

 

I was just trying to get an opinion about the letter cause I wanted to know if there was anything rude or condescending in the email. But since you guys have told me otherwise, I feel even better

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By the way, NC really does work! I feel sooo much better giving myself space from the situation that it has allowed me to really take responsibility for whatever I did wrong in the relationship and make sure it doesn't happen in my next relationship. Plus, I feel more confident that I was able to handle the break up with such grace.

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