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destroyed at 18


02cramac

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hey everyone! at the end of 2008 my life pretty much began a downwards spiral which has nearly reached the bottom. I'm in a lot of trouble and need help quickly or I am going to have to take things into my own hands and end my life.

 

Ok heres the deal, im 18, single and live in the UK. At the end of 2008 i went onto some medication which has side effects of depression and in exceptional cases suicide. In the space of two weeks my long term gf i was with for 3yrs ended things, my dad had a heart attack, I was told that I was soon to be removed from 6th form (further education) and found myself with very few friends. I began drinking heavily, first of all on the night that my ex gf ended things, when i nearly OD'd by mistake. I then began taking various drugs starting with cannabis occasionally, then beans (ecstasy), then coke.

 

I never attempted suicide during this period however it was always on my mind. I now only study art and work part time in retail. However Iv fallen behind with my work and have an impossible deadline. I think that the drug takings becoming alot more regular and I'm moving onto heavier drugs, but Idk what to do. It just seemed like an alternative to suicide for a sense of escapism.

 

Anyway last night i got stoned because some girl had messed me about and I was on a low. During this time my ex spoke to me on msn because we have began talking alot more lately, but only as friends. However I got angry with everything and pretty much blamed her for ruining my life. I told her that at the beginning of october 2008 before she ended things with me, that if she asked me where I saw myself in 10yrs time I would have said as a headteacher in a primary school. I told her that if she asked me now i could only say homeless, in the army or dead. I then said that if she asked me if i would have joined the army previously I would have laughed, but now its the best option I have, since further education has been thrown out of the window for me due to a number of complications. I've lost everything.

 

No matter what happens atm, if someone doesn't help me I will be committing suicide. I have previously ran knives up and down my arms in hope that i will brave it. However if I can't bring myself to do it physically, then I will be signing up to the army where death will come to me much quicker and easier.

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Im so sorry you feel this way.

 

You are the only one that can help you. You have to help yourself sweetie. The first thing you need to do is ween yourself off of drugs. Even pot for a while. If you need to go to NA or rehab, then do it. That will be your first step.

 

Next, regain control of your life and research some schools you can go too. Im not sure how the educational system works over there but maybe you can go to community college for a while? If the Army is something you really want to do (pls think about it cause once your in its hard to change your mind and get out), then go for it!

 

I was/am just like you. Sad, crying about how horrible my life is, smokin pot to get thru the ruff days (Im still working on that)...I felt like a loser cause I lost my job, I was failing school, in addition to breaking up with my bf. My mom and sister were both sick, my sister almost died. She lived with me and screwed me over (she moved out with a 3 day notice after letting her stay in my house for almost a yr for free) All within a 5-6 month period. Im still dealing with the break up but this semester I made sure I got all A's, I found a great new job (two of them), and Im working on my self esteem and self worth. If I can do it, so can you!

 

Try volunteering at a charity. That may help you feel a lil better helping other ppl. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

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First of all i want to say, please dont think suicide will be the answer. It isnt the answer. Second of all, you have a head full of drugs. I know, i have been there. I am a recovering addict now and been clean for 6 months. I know how you feel because i have been there. 08 was also when i hit rockbottom. Everything hit me at once. I ended a very long term relationship, my career was started to fall apart, my family is 3000 miles away and i am all alone in the city where i live, i lost my friends and the one person that i had found support and comfort in died unexpectidly from an accidental overdose. I am alot older than 18 but i am still alive and thank god for that. You honestly have your whole life ahead of you. Your first step needs to be cleaning up and getting off the drugs. that will bring you more clarity mentally. Secondly, no matter what relationship you were in, or who you were with, they are not worth you ending your life over. Your young and you will move on and love again. I cant stress that enough. It sounds like you need to figure out what you enjoy doing, and making postitive changes toward being happy. I wouldnt worry about dating right now. it sounds like you need to worry about you for a while and get your own head together before you can participate in a relationship.

 

just realize that you arent alone and you do have options. Life gets better. trust me. i have been to rockbottom and i know, it does get better.

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I don't know if i can get completely off the drugs because I didn't think they were a problem until it was too late, I just thought that I was only taking them because I was out at a party, clubbing or w/e, but then they became more regular...i'v taken drugs 5 out of the last 7 days and two days they were class A's, and on all five days i got stoned.

How do I get into rehab i don't know anything about it and im not sure if my family would aprove since they don't know much about what I'v been doing?

As for education theres been alot of unlucky, misfortunes come my way and the only option left is a foundation degree to get me onto a full degree, however I need to research this more as it could be too expensive.

Also I do voluntary work at a local primary school because my dream is to teach. Thanks for replying, I wasn't sure if i would get much of a response and btw how do you PM?

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Also I think I have commitment problems now, this is one of the things me and my ex wer talking about last night, because since we've split up I've regretably been using girls for sex, which she had a go at me for, not that i blame her because I really do need to sort it out, as I think that I rely on girls to talk out my problems, alot more than any of my friends...

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you are using the drugs to escape.. been there done that. but if you have an addictive personality like myself then it can become a dependence. Too using chemicals that you are using, like Ecstasy can alter your brain chemistry and not give you the proper in sight to things. If you told your parents you needed rehab, wouldnt they want to help you get better.... what about seeing a mental health professional. that could also get you help in the right direction. As far as the girls, like drugs you are trying to get comfort from the sex. I think you should take a break from all contact from girls. You may either hurt someone or yourself from that. Its not healthy.

 

oh and you pm by going to the person you want to send a private message to and under their profile pic, there is a way to send a message.

 

feel free to pm me as well if you need to talk more too.

 

we are all here for you.

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I smoke pot everyday. Im a 27 yr old pothead. Does that sound like something you want to be? I think you can easily stop doing drugs with a little help. E is not like pot, if you take a bad dose that is it, thats your life.

You have a lot of years left ahead of you. Lets work on making those good years, no great years to come. Everyone has issues and we just have a few issues to work out, no big deal. You can get thru it.

Im not sure how rehab works because I live in the states. I know here, you can check into one as a welfare patient and all medical records are confidential. Is it the same in Europe?

 

I am gonna check up on you every now and then to make sure you are on track.

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I smoke pot everyday. Im a 27 yr old pothead. Does that sound like something you want to be? I think you can easily stop doing drugs with a little help. E is not like pot, if you take a bad dose that is it, thats your life.

You have a lot of years left ahead of you. Lets work on making those good years, no great years to come. Everyone has issues and we just have a few issues to work out, no big deal. You can get thru it.

Im not sure how rehab works because I live in the states. I know here, you can check into one as a welfare patient and all medical records are confidential. Is it the same in Europe?

 

I am gonna check up on you every now and then to make sure you are on track.

 

good advice girlie....

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I dnt av a clue about rehab until this aftanoon i thought it was only for celebrities but ye thanks alot im gna try taking your advice and see how I get on, just hope I don't get any more obsticles thrown in my way!

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everything has got really bad again and I don't think it's going to get any better, it's been going on for 6 months now and tomorrow is the day I've been planning to do this for so long. It is a date of significance to me and it would make my suicide much clearer to those who know me, I've got to do it, sorry, thank you for trying to help! x

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everything has got really bad again and I don't think it's going to get any better, it's been going on for 6 months now and tomorrow is the day I've been planning to do this for so long. It is a date of significance to me and it would make my suicide much clearer to those who know me, I've got to do it, sorry, thank you for trying to help! x

 

You do not have to do it! You are taking the easy way out. What if you die and your soul is still miserable? Please dont do this!!!!!

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