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I think he's pulling away...please help.


power-c

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My boyfriend and I were close friends for two years before we got together. We were both seeing other people during that time, so it was platonic, but there was probably always a little something there. Then our relationships ended, and we got together. We've been together for 6 months now -- both in our late 20s -- and up until a few weeks ago, it's been amazing. We get along so well, and have so much in common. It felt like the perfect combination of friendship and romance and passion. I should mention that we are currently in a long distance relationship that will be ending in a few months when he moves to my city.

 

A few weeks ago, during a visit, we got in a fight. It was probably mainly my fault. I overreacted to something and it just spiralled into a big mess. We both apologized and patched things up, but since then things have just felt....off. It's been about two weeks now, and I can just tell when I talk to him that there's less enthusiasm. It feels like he's emotionally retreated. He also started talking about doing something that would mean we'd have to be long-distance for much longer. Just a few weeks ago, he was talking about how excited he is about us finally being together in the same place, and now suddenly he's thinking of ways to stay apart.

 

Also, I noticed the other day that he was looking through pictures of him and his ex on facebook. I know because he tagged himself in a few of them. These are old pictures from their vacations over 2 years ago.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep nagging him about how things feel weird, but it's torture just sitting here and feeling like something's wrong but not saying anything. Just a few weeks ago, he seemed so completely smitten and committed. I never for a second doubted how he felt about me or about us. But now we've had this one bump in the road and suddenly it's like he's just not all there anymore. What do I do? Do I talk to him about it? This is really killing me...

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my 2 cents..... sure, when things are great and nice, everyone is happy and in love. but i think it's at the hard times that the relationship is tested. my guess is that he's stepped back because he is evaluating if this relationship is right for him or not. i think the best course of action you can do is to be back to your nice, fun loving, pre-fight self. i wouldn't confront him negatively about it. nagging about it won't help. but maybe why don't you plan a fun date for the both of you and have a nice weekend together. i bet that will help patch things up.

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crazyaboutdogs, we got together about four months after his relationship ended. They broke up for a lot of reasons, but I'm pretty sure one of them was that he realized he had feelings for me. Anyway, he definitely broke up with her. But nothing actually happened until about four months later.

 

annie, i think you're right. that's what I think's happening too. The thing is...if one fight can make him go from practically naming our children to being totally distant. Well, what does that really say about him? i don't know...I thought we had more than this.

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The thing is...if one fight can make him go from practically naming our children to being totally distant. Well, what does that really say about him? i don't know...I thought we had more than this.

 

You are right..one fight should not spell doom and gloom for the relationship. I wonder what he was like in his previous relationship...did things get rough there and that is why he started developing feelings for you and then bailed on that relationship. Is he the type who thinks that relationships should be all fun all the time and then he can't handle the rough times? You just have to sit tight and see what happens. Hopefully he comes around..if not then you have spared yourself someone who is rather fickle.

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He's probably just taken back like you are. If this is the first big fight you've had in your 6 months of being together, maybe he doesn't know how to deal with that.

 

The first fight, first signs of trouble, and first obstacles always bring up the doubts and the hard questions about whether the relationship is right.

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What was the fight about? This could be the reason he has become more distant.

 

I don't think there should be fights in a relationship. If you never had a fight, then one day you got angry, then from that point on he will never know if that will happen again. Basically, he lost that trust in you.

 

I think anger is often overlooked as a very unattractive quality. Some people just figure "everyone gets angry once in a while" to justify their own anger.

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Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

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