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she broke nc


ellie999

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so my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago. for a month i kind of begged and pushed her away. she had the most typical GIGS ever. new guy and everything. so yesterday she texted me after a month of NC

 

....said like hey i was wondering if its a good idea to see you. im leaving town tomorrow. have some of your stuff you may want. and we can talk some but im busy.

 

....i just responded no im busy the rest of the afternoon dont worry about the stuff.

 

....so she texts back saying well we havent seen each other in a while and i was wondering if you need more closure. what are your thoughts

 

.....i said back no i dont need more closure im doing fine.

 

 

i know i said the right things. i just dont get why shes contacting me. is she feeling guilty? miss me? looking for an ego boost?

 

i really love this girl and miss her and dont get whats going on

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ya...but like all she could tlak about was giving my stuff back and giving me more closure. its the first time ive been able to show her im strong and trying to move on since we broke up.

 

but maybe im looking into it too much and she just wants to be able to move on. but then i dont think shed be contacting me at all. i just cant make sense of it

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Guilt must be eating her alive, or maybe she seriously didn't want to leave you, but felt like she had to. Maybe she has some leftover feelings for you, and wants to have closeure as well to move on.

 

Of course, if this hurts you too much, then just ignore her attempts of contact. I'm sure she'll find closeure in some other way or another.

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I think you hit the nail ont he head with all your points. She probably feels guilty, or maybe her new guy isnt as great she she thought. But you said the right things, just try and stick to them and mean them

 

I agree, good responses. You did well young Jedi. Keep going with the No Contact. It'll eventually flush out her 'real' intentions, if any.

 

Next... Quit reading into this pointless conversation.

 

Your post indicates your desperation and that'll ultimately lead to you projecting your fantasy as to what you think she was after by contacting you. Patience young Jedi... let it go for now.

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ya i know i shouldnt think to hard about it, it was just out of nowhere after a month of nc. and truth be told i want her back more than anything in the world. guess ill continue nc, just not sure what to do next time she contacts

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ya i know i shouldnt think to hard about it, it was just out of nowhere after a month of nc. and truth be told i want her back more than anything in the world. guess ill continue nc, just not sure what to do next time she contacts

 

 

 

Feel her out... based on what she says. If it's just petty crap again play it smooth and cool as you did. You don't need her pity or sympathy.

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new guy is treating her as well and by knowing your hurting which is what she expected would have made her feel better about herself you did the right thing and was absoultely perfect in your texts.

 

i just dont see this being the case, and i feel like if it was she wouldnt be talking to me at all. i treated her like an absolute queen. and from what i hear stuff with this guy isnt that serious (like she kissed some other guy too, so she cant be emotionally attached, though either way it hurts me because i was so in love with her). i dont know. i know she was looking for me to be like ya i miss you. but i know that would only push her away more. i honestly wasnt lookin for her to break no contact so soon. i just cant read her. like i want her to miss me. ive learned so much about myself and life in these past months and grown so much as a person and have been improving myself. im just not sure what to do....im trying to move on and handle it right (like the text replies were the right thing to say)....but from the bottom of my heart i miss her and love her, despite what happened after 3 years. just not sure what to do next.

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yea man i feel your pain! I am pretty much where you are. I must say well played, you handled that like a champ! The last 2 attempts of contact on her part i ignored, because she knows how i feel and they were not important. My ex seems to not know what she wants, and is acting tough like nothing bothers her, selfish..etc. I agree with the other posters, the guilt probably eating at her, and shes curious about what your doing, checking in on you? Seeing if you still care, are you still around... Keep doing what your doing. I am trying to move on, though like you the thought of working it out sometimes sounds good.

 

People make it seem easier then it is...oh jsut move on, dont dwell or analyze things too much, its pretty challenging to say the least! Some days are better then others, some days reading into things eats at me! Guess were making progress in some way or another, stay strong man! And good responses.

 

I like how the poster said, show her your doing fine without her and you dont need her and not pinning on her. Our exes need to figure out what there doing, what they want and where they want to go. some of our exes jumping into relationships, or living it up, maybe because thats what they want, or just hiding from the void, pain. We on the other hand our soul searching and finding out were stronger then we orginally thought with a lot to offer, if they dont want it, someone else will.

 

I try to tell myself, why do i put so much effort and thought into her, she doesnt want to be with me, shes not the same, shes all mixed up, who wants that? I want someone steady, and doesnt question wanting to be with me.

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I try to tell myself, why do i put so much effort and thought into her, she doesnt want to be with me, shes not the same, shes all mixed up, who wants that? I want someone steady, and doesnt question wanting to be with me.

 

This exactly sums up my feelings right now. She is not displaying the characteristics nor being the person I fell in love with so it makes it a little easier to not contact her. It seems to me like my ex is trying to decide if she wants to be a real grownup before becoming a teacher next fall, she is spending all of her spare time with her pot-smoking friends from high school. She denies that any other stresses that are going on in her life right now could be affecting the way is feeling, or not feeling towards me at all. If she starts to become the person i knew over the last few years she will have regrets and want to come back. in the meantime I'm doing things in life that I've always wanted to do but couldn't with a live-in fiance and being dad to her four year old son.

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so people i need some help. im at the point where ive learned just so much and grown and improved myself. i realized everything that was wrong in our relationship now and know how to fix it. im very confident in myself and just feel great. i feel like im ready for that second chance. im just not sure how to get it. yall read how she texted me. but i dont know what to do next. like should i keep nc and wait for her to call me? im ready to show her how great my life is and how much is going for me. but im still worried shes going to shut me out still, and keep leaning on this new guy. i am moving on and trying to let go, but this is still in my mind. im not prolonging the agony of losing her, as shes already gone and i feel i have nothing left to lose. its been well over a month of nc and i to be honest, it would take a huge effort on her part to even have me consider getting back together with her after all shes done to end this relationship. but she was the love of my life and my best friend and i feel like its worth pursuing and i know im capable of forgiving her if she wants to be forgiven. i guess i have to just keep on living and growing and learning and move on with out her until i hear from her again and be patient.

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kinda having a tough day just need to vent. missing her a lot. she really was my best friend and i was always so crazy about her. i just really miss having her in my life, and its tough continuing nc, though i know if i break it it wont do me any good. we were together for so long and things were always amazing, its still tough waking up everyday and knowing shes gone...especially when shes just a few minutes away. been 6 days since she texted me that stuff, dont know whats going to happen next. im trying to move on and just not think about it but its tough. really loved her a lot.

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kinda having a tough day just need to vent. missing her a lot. she really was my best friend and i was always so crazy about her. i just really miss having her in my life, and its tough continuing nc, though i know if i break it it wont do me any good. we were together for so long and things were always amazing, its still tough waking up everyday and knowing shes gone...especially when shes just a few minutes away. been 6 days since she texted me that stuff, dont know whats going to happen next. im trying to move on and just not think about it but its tough. really loved her a lot.

 

Sorry you are having a rough day. I can relate to all of your feelings. It feels helpless to sit back and doing nothing. That is what we need to do though. For a good chance at getting back with our exes or to heal, the answer is to stay NC. Easier said then done. This is hard when it is something that is so important to us and we need to let go and accept we do not have control over what happens. The only thing we do have control over is our actions. That has been a big lesson for me in this. Hang in there. Don't contact her. I think her text was about seeing where you were at and maybe get some assurance you haven't gone anywhere. I love how you handled it and hope I will handle it the same if my ex ever makes contact.

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so she did it again!

 

just tried to instant message me. said 'hey'

 

i never responded. i dont want her to think im blatantly ignoring her but what good could come of us talking online right now. god i miss her but i just dont get whats going through her brain

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so she did it again!

 

just tried to instant message me. said 'hey'

 

i never responded. i dont want her to think im blatantly ignoring her but what good could come of us talking online right now. god i miss her but i just dont get whats going through her brain

 

I dont knowbut you could just respond cool and polite like your text messages.....Idont know if this is good advice or not.

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Here's a thought...if you aren't willing to completely ignore her, you could flat out ask her what she wants when she contacts you. Put the impetus on her to explain her unusual contact. But remember, if she says anything other than, "I'm sorry/I want to get back together" turn her down flat and pull back into NC again.

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so she broke no contact again, in a big way

 

facebook chatted me again. she said hey, and then 'so are we just never going to talk? i was just wondering how youve been doing'. i decided i couldnt ignore her. so just said hey whats up. we chit chatted for like ten minutes. i kept the conversation mostly on her. and when she asked about me just said like 'my summer has been good, very spontaneous' and 'im doing really well'. no details really. she did most of the talking. then i just said i have to run and said glad shes having a good summer. and she said i hope yours is going great too.

 

so i dont know if i handled that right or would it have been better to tell her its best if we dont talk or ignore it alltogther, i didnt want to like give her too much or have to deep of a conversation and like be too available to her. i just dont understand whats going on in her brain, dont know what to think about this. guess it doesnt really matter.

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I think your response was good. I don't see anything wrong with responding to her in a cool manner like you did. If you want to get back together, evenually you have to be in contact with one another.

 

Let her continue to initiate future contact. If she starts to take you down the friend route or starts talking about her bf, just go silently back into NC.

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I think your response was good. I don't see anything wrong with responding to her in a cool manner like you did. If you want to get back together, evenually you have to be in contact with one another.

 

Let her continue to initiate future contact. If she starts to take you down the friend route or starts talking about her bf, just go silently back into NC.

 

ya im definitely going to let her initiate all contact. but i just dont get her intentions. your advice is spot on and ill take it. these situations suck.

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ellie999,

 

I think you did well. You seemed calm, collected and polite. Great job! She attempted a couple times to contact you, and she may initiate again. The conversation wasn't too deep. And you are right: you ARE doing well!

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