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Sister never had female guidance. Help? Self estem?


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My "little" sister (who is actually 20 in a few months) never had much female guidance. Neither did I since our mom passed away when I was 9 and she was 5.

Thing which has been worrying me more and more, is that she just doesn't seem like the girls her age. She doesn't care about socializing, doesn't go out with friends, doesn't want to go out with me, she only really goes out with our dad or her aunt and their older friends, doesn't care much how she dresses, doesn't care much about taking care of her self/beauty care, etc.

 

I only became aware of our situation at home after spending alot of time at my bf's house. I look at the way his 14 yr old sister has a mom to watch over her, and bring her up, tending to her every need, teach her stuff.. I really wish my sister could have grown up with that.. but I guess there's no sense in thinking that type of stuff, right?

 

I get worried as I'll be turning 24 soon and the way things are going with my bf, I'm pretty sure we'll be moving in together in a year or 2. So I won't be there for her as much. My dad's never been as involved, and I don't blame him. He's always had his plate full with work and other things since our mom died.

 

Now some may say who cares? I care everytime I hear someone comment "oh... You both don't look like sisters.." "You're so much prettier". I don't want my sister growing up with more self esteem issues but I just don't know what's the right way to help out. I can tell from the way she carries herself and little things she does, that she doesn't feel she is pretty. She's even told me that and it breaks my heart.

 

The problem is...](*,) Everytime I tell her "let's doll you up" "we need to get you dressing more stylish! she gives excuses like "oh... I'm too busy and have too much on my mind!"

 

 

What am I to do? Any ideas? Please please help!!](*,)

Or am I worrying too much??

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You mentioned that she's not much for being social, but does she have any close friends that you can turn to for their support in helping your sister out of this funk? 99% of the time I don't listen to a word my family says, but when a friend says the same thing I've been told already, it just seems to click.

 

You sound like you've been very supportive of your sister, and I can only encourage you to keep it up =)

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Thanks for replying!

 

Actually me having friends is what helped me grow up more feminine, and I guess in someways not missing a motherfigure as much. Lately I've been wondering and asking myself over and over what it would be like. It's just when I see my bf's sis and her mom together, it really brings up these feelings which I was never aware of.

 

But I don't really see that my sister has any close friends. Not like I did at that age to help me "grow up". So I kind of only see it as something I can help out with. KInd of be a "mother figure" to her even though it's so late. I wish I'd been there for her when she was younger to kind of guide her. We just never got along as well.

 

My dad doesn't see it as a problem. And she doesn't either.

I guess I just feel lost. I don't think anyone can help. Not even me. And it's worrying me.

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This might be one of those things in life that people need to sort out on their own. She might be battling some self image issues for a multitude of reasons no one but her would ever understand, regardless of the effort or reassurances given to her by loved ones.

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Thing which has been worrying me more and more, is that she just doesn't seem like the girls her age. She doesn't care about socializing, doesn't go out with friends, doesn't want to go out with me, she only really goes out with our dad or her aunt and their older friends, doesn't care much how she dresses, doesn't care much about taking care of her self/beauty care, etc.

 

She sounds like me and I'm doing ok. Oh, and people tell me my little sis is prettier all the time. It doesn't really bother me either.

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skydiving... not a bad idea for other people to do. but

1. i wouldnt want to lol.

2. she can be so stubborn. if she says no... no means no.

 

I guess she took Nancy Reagan's "Just say NO!" slogan seriously? LOL

 

well, you can start by maybe spending more time with her, even if it is in the house, and just do things together. To get her to open back up to you.

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You might need to bring her along slowly. Buy her something she might like. Have a girls night at home were you goof around and try new hair styles and stuff. Let her work on you a little and then it is your turn. If you aren't going anywhere she might be more prone to allow you to try new things. Take it slow though. It needs to be her idea in the end.

 

Remember that she isn't you. She has her own desires but may be afraid of trying them out.

 

Good luck big sis!

 

Lost

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I grew up with a mother and I still did not turn out to be "girlie". I absolutely hate having to do makeup and fix my hair, loathe wearing dresses and high heels... I do it because society expects it of me (but I still attempt to wear jeans as often as I possibly can).

 

I learned by watching other people, looking at photographs and trying to emulate them etc. Took me into my mid-20s before I really got it right, I think. There are some good makeup instruction books out there, and it's best to get a simple hairstyle to avoid getting frustrated about not being able to do much . (At 38 I still cannot use a curling iron or straightening iron, and I don't know how to braid my hair, but I do well with long sexy layered styles and ponytails or hair clips on the bad hair days)

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Thank you so much for responding.

I was really hoping people would respond so I could get different points of views and ideas.

 

I feel a bit better today about it all. Yesterday I don't know why but I really panicked.

 

 

I'll try all these ideas. Spending more time with her so we get closer, doing girly nights, buying her stuff.

I specially love the idea of us trying new hairstyles or me buying her something (she'll be comfy wearing and trying) since those will be very subtle changes.

 

And it's even more calming to be reminded that not every woman/girl out there likes getting dressed (like I do). I guess I was comparing her to me, and my bf's little sis who I see is like me, from such a young age.

I need to ease up on my sis too and not get panicky just b/c she isn't turning out like me or other girls. I guess I just want her to not stick out (in a bad way).

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66+ Little Sister Quotes
66+ Little Sister Quotes

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