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Is he just playing me until something better comes...and am I letting him?


MJ23

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My bf of 2 years broke up with me. I was DEVESTATED. Yes, we had a lot of issues during the relationship but I was very, very much in love with him. He was my first long term relationship and I was his first long term relationship as well.

 

Well, he called me up recently (a week since the breakup) and wants to hang out. I agree, since I wont be seeing him very much in the future and thought it might be nice to hang out one last time.

 

To make a long story short, we ended up making out for hours and having him telling me he loves me forever and wants to be with me, etc.

 

But he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me...and when he DOES find someone else he'll have to stop the making out, telling me he loves me, etc.

 

I mean, I see the writing on the wall. I'm just to satisfy him until he gets what he really wants, a new girl, right? But he REALLY doesn't seem like that kind of guy. I really love him and I believe him when he says he just needs a little bit of freedom before he can decide if he wants to come back to me forever.

 

Is he playing me? If he is, I know its because i'm letting him. But I really believe him that he loves me but needs time to "find himself".

 

What would be the best thing to do now? I'm so confused and love is blinding me.

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It being your first long term relationship, it's safe to assume it's also your first real love, so anybody here can tell you to run for the hills, but I think we both know that probably won't happen.

 

So all I can tell you is, persue with caution, as in, persue with an open mind, if a new found interest comes along and helps him "find himself" you can bet that your gonna be taken outta the picture, and it will leave you devastated once again.

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Is he really going to get rid of me COMPLETELY though once he meets a new girl? Not even want to be my friend?

 

there might be a chance of that.

 

He is acting completely selfish. He wants to continue the lovey-dovey part but not the commitment with you.

 

If he has actually said that he is looking for another girl and when he does he will stop telling you he loves you and making out - dont go there. I wouldn't continue the making out or spending time with him. Then where would you be if he found someone else? Your filling a gap temporary until he can find someone.

 

Maybe ask him, if he wants to be in a relationship with you - or its nothing - maybe friend ship if you can but no making out or 'relationship stuff'.

 

- as much as that would hurt now - it would hurt a 1000 times more if you do and he leaves for another girl he met. Even if you say your looking too, and HE is the first one to find someone, it will still hurt.

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Is he really going to get rid of me COMPLETELY though once he meets a new girl? Not even want to be my friend?

 

 

Do you really wanna wait around and find out? just the thought of knowing that someone I love so much wants to be with someone else would make me sick to my stomach.

 

if this does happen to you, and to answer your question, yes, there is a good possibility, then you can't say he didn't warn you, you are setting yourself up for heartache, but you know him better than we do, so just know, that it's a huge gamble to take the chance to stick around and find out.

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It would make me sick if he was with someone else.

 

But losing him entirely would be horrible too.

 

I don't know what to do. I know I'm setting myself up for MAJOR heartache I just don't know how to get out. If i cut him out now, I might lose him forever.

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Isn't it completely baffling when someone says they love you and want to be with you forever then they are looking towards being with someone else??

 

First bit = great, second bit = don't let him do this to you.

 

There are a few threads on here from people who have just got restless in their first real relationship and want to go off and 'see life' before settling down. Mostly though these have been honest about this.

 

If it's hurting to stay friends I think you have to let him go entirely. It's not friendship he's offering you, it's FWB and that usually ends in tears.

 

If it helps, letting him go will go some way towards healing you as you will take a step back and realise that he is not the person you fell in love with, or would want to be with if he is prepared to treat you with such a lack of respect. Good luck.

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It sounds like there is some fundamental problem he sees with staying with you forever. He may not want to hurt you, but you feel so hurt when he tells you he wants to find someone else. So it probably hurts him to see you like that. It is best if he doesn't keep seeing you so you can get over him.

 

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I wanted to break up and date more women and she was exactly like you are now. It turns out she got over me and started dating faster than I got over her.

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Men can be very selfish in this area. They, for the most part seem to have or display lesd emotion in these matters than we women do. I know it hurts to let a relationship like this go but I promise you will feel worse if he throws you over for someone else. I am 40 and have been through a couple of relationships like this in my time and I can tell you I was always sorry when I chose to let myself be used. If you really want to better your life and send a message to him. Do not make yourself avaiable to him very often act as if you have a million things better to do and then go out and start finding better things to do that will keep your mind and body busy and off him. You will feel better in time, may meet some nice people, and he will just be astounded that life is better for you without him. I think it is a reality check this boy/man could use.

 

Keep the faith

Things will get better

Butrfly

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  • 2 weeks later...
It would make me sick if he was with someone else.

 

But losing him entirely would be horrible too.

 

I don't know what to do. I know I'm setting myself up for MAJOR heartache I just don't know how to get out. If i cut him out now, I might lose him forever.

How is it going MJ? I just was reading this and wondering how this turned out for you in the past month. I know your pain and if he has found someone else you are probably on that hurtin road. If not, you may possibly be in the future.

 

I hope you are staying strong and loving yourself by not letting him take advantage of your naivety. You may believe he is all that but so are you!

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