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I really need a change, I need to be on my own but its not easy


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This is definitely venting, I don't know what advice can be given to me (but I would appreciate any!)

This is kind of something that I have to accept will need time before anything can happen...

I am just becoming so depressed with living at home, I am so held back and my family drives me up the wall. I mean its absolutely RIDICULOUS but I won't get into it because it's all very typical with the conflicts. My situation is not unique but that doesn't make me feel any better.


I don't know, there's not much I can do, I want to be on my own but I can't afford it now because of what I owe for school. But I can afford it in a year from now as long as I keep overpaying at the rate I am now, which is actually easy and it's about 80% of my income, sometimes 90% (...just a guess). The rest of my income goes towards stuff I NEED like gas, food, etc.


But anyway, I have got to get out of here... a problem I have with my "in a year plan" is I really could not live with roommates, I just can't. I really don't want a roommate! I stared at this box wanting to express why but let me leave it at that, much simpler. I want to be on my own, I need the privacy to a certain extent. But THEN.. I don't think I could really live by myself... I think I would panic if I were alone all of the time. I would be fine for a week alone, or maybe a couple weeks, but not "permanently". I hope my boyfriend will come around and want to make the move with me, he lives at home also. In a year from now we will be together for 10 1/2 years! But he doesn't seem to be for moving in together at all, he doesn't want to spend the money and is 110% comfortable at home, has a great relationship with his family, etc. If I had what he has, I wouldn't feel compelled to move out so fast and just take it easy. Or maybe not, maybe I'd still want to move out. But after this long I feel really upset that he is not all for doing this with me..


So... that's my venting, that is what has me upset, triggered by family stuff. It's not just that though... I want my own home, I want to spread my wings... I am depressed that it will take even longer than a year and that alone is unbearable to wait for, seriously..

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Living alone was never scary for me. I guess because I was alone so much growing up. The only times I get spooked is when I get that freaky feeling that someone is in the house - I hate that. But it only happens maybe once a year or so.


I find it peaceful to live alone. I think I will have a hard time if I ever get married and we can't afford a large house!!

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hmmm I don't know if I could do that, live at his house with his family... If things at home were really a lot worse I would hope to be able to consider something like that.

But the biggest reason for me feeling kind of depressed and feeling this need to get out is to have my "own," just my own place, my own peace and quiet. Even though his house is a really comfortable environment with everyone my priority is still to have my own place and all the perks of it so to speak.


I used to think I could live completely alone until recently, I realized I am just too prone to anxiety, it would get the best of me if I were alone. I would think all these things. I can stay at my house alone any time they all go away and I really welcome it but for an extended period of time I know I'd have panic issues..

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How about getting a room mate or a couple of room mates? Moving in with your boyfriend certainly isn't the only option, especially if he's not interested. I think it might be good for you to move in with some room mates and have a life outside your home, work and boyfriend, as if I remember correctly you don't have a lot of close relationships outside your relationship with your boyfriend, and having some is important for balance. Perhaps than if he saw you were having your own life and not waiting around endlessly for him it make be a wake up call for him.

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That is true, very true... but the biggest part of roommates is I'd be desperately wanting to get away from that too, I just hate a lack of privacy. Even just having siblings I can't stand the lack of privacy with people coming over at all hours, its just not something I like at all. With my boyfriend he would not do that, we are a lot alike in that way liking the quiet during the week, etc. Although no I wouldn't mind it from time to time, it bothers me tremendously to have a face mask on at night and stammering out to the kitchen for water and there's a room full of people, it's just not something I've ever liked... I have thought of so many things like even if I could have a roommate or roommates like me, it wouldn't be the same.. I just want my own things, I want everything to be mine, I want to clean up after only me and only worry about me. I wouldn't worry about him however, I wouldn't mind, it's really different. Like I say I want to worry about only me but I wouldn't mind picking up after him, he's a relationship different from a roommate/friend which is I think why.


I feel like I have this certain thing I want and if I can't have it all it is nothing.. but that's impossible because things can't always work out exactly how someone wants it, I know... and I think that makes me really upset most of the time, because I may not be able to be so picky in moving out in general : (

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Well it seems you have a few options- stay at home and continue to be miserable, move out on your own (which you say makes you anxious as you don't want to live alone) or move out with a room mate or two. I have friends that lived with room mates and they interviewed each other first and found someone that was compatible with them and didn't intrude on their privacy. The trick is finding someone who has similar views and lifestyle (i.e. quiet vs. party type).

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