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Control Issues: OCD and Co-Dependency


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For some reason it just kind of hit me: I think I have Obessive-Compulsive Disorder!

 

I don't really take diagnostic labels seriously, mind you. But the symptoms do fit me. I always assumed people with this condition washed their hands a million times or did ritualistic things. I don't have ocd BEHAVIOR necessarily, but I definitely have obsessive thoughts. I always have.

 

Then I started thinking about how my ex and I were co-dependent. We seemed obsessed with each other to a certain extent. Even though I don't think that was the COMPLETE relationship, there were definitely elements of both of us being controlling/co-dependent and enabling.

 

I also think my ex has OCD---HE even told me he thought he had it a long time ago before I even saw any symptoms. I didn't think he seemed very obsessive but he is definitely obsessed with being "clean" down there to the point where he has to spend wayy too long in the bathroom trying to scrub and irriate his butt until it's raw.

 

I also think it's why he's so lazy/unmotivated. For him, everything needs to be PERFECT before he acts. He engages in distracting/avoidance behavior in order to avoid dealing with things he doesn't think he measures up to. That's why he had a hard time in college---he wanted to be perfect, but if he couldn't be, he'd give up or make excuses for all the other things he had to do. It explains so much. I even think it's why we broke up.

 

Perfect example: Every time he needed to complete an assignment for one of his college classes---he'd have to clean his room or do his laundry. He said it was because everything needed to be 'ready" for him to 'start." If only he could see that he did that to our relationship! That is EXACTLY what he did! I understand completely now why he broke up but don't know if he sees it at all.

 

He wants his life to be PERFECT before we get married...and since he KNOWS that his life is FAR from perfect, he became extremely anxious and pushed me away. He also dropped out of school because the thoughts of failure probably plagued him so much that he could literally no longer deal with it. So playing videogames all day might seem lazy, but it's because he's super scared.

 

It's not a justifcation though. I feel the same way!

 

I also tend to have perfectionistic streak. If things are out of my control, I tend to do things to get back that control. I can't live with uncertainty. It drives me nuts.

 

I eat too much, spend too much, think WAY too much about my ex, and often engage in my own avoidance behavior. I can always think of reasons for not doing things because I don't feel good enough. Even getting a job has taken me forever because I am REALLY PICKY. My ex is also REALLY PICKY. BUt we are both picky in different ways.

 

I don't think I am going to change until I cure my obsession/addictive thoughts and behavior. I obviously have anxiety/depression issues because I have this need to control.

 

I just went on Amazon and bought some books about obsession/addiction. It seems like this is REALLY the root of the problem.

 

Anyway, I could never get back with my ex (even if he wanted to) until I stop being addicted to him. And he would stop needing to be addicted to avoidance and perfection as well. My dad is an alcoholic. I am not an alcoholic but I defintely have obsessive tendancies along the same lines--except for me it's people and food addictions.

 

You guys might examine yourselves and see if you don't have addictions of your own.

 

I don't think my whole relationship was an addiction because there were many moments of confident, unconditional-type love. But there was enough addiction there to know that I NEED to change it or this is only going to happen again and I'm going to keep being unhealthy.

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i think almost every person on the planet has a form of OCD, they are just are not aware of it. In fact i will be willing to bet my house on it that most people have some form of OCD behaviour. Look at any of your friends relationships and you will be able to spot OCD behaviour. None of us grew up with perfect parents and hence, some from of OCD will be prevalent.

 

OCD behaviour stems from childhood. If your father was an alcoolic, then there lies the cause of your problem.

 

It is very difficult to change behaviour, but i started therapy 3 months ago and have started to change little things one at a time. I don't think you can ever overcome it, but being able to control or manage it should be your goal

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  • 1 year later...

I did a search on control issues..and read this thread. It is quite old now, but like all these threads on here, it may still apply as 'new' to some, like me My ex and I both have OCD. He is on permanent mental disability with it and doesn't work. Although I can honestly tell you that he does have obsessive negative thoughts and hand washing rituals, also a perfectionist which comes from his fathers negative comments in childhood and complete lack of praise. He was fired from upteen jobs due to fear of failure, perfectionism and asking too many questions. We spent 2 years together (not living) together, in different cities, but seeing each other on weekends. My OCD is negative thoughts (clinically diagnosed with BDD), of being unattractive. Oh boy ...heh..I know what a pair eh?

 

The real sad tale here is there was such a strong connection, emotionally I still choke up now just feeling the 'essence' of it. Its a shame because we both have points to prove. We are both with other people. I don't love my partner, and I don't know how he feels about his. I have 'heard' he apparently 'looks haggard' but that is all I've heard. It has been 6 months since we last saw each other. Every time I contacted him, (either by phone message/email) he dumped her...there was a point in the beginning of March of this year that we were going to arrange a meeting, but I played games.. and then the longer we continued in emails, the stronger he felt against 'getting back together' because those bad thoughts from the insults from the past came back to haunt him...

 

Now I am leaving him alone, I know we both check each others online activity (me wayyyyyy more than him) in fact I am more obsessed by him now than I was 6 months ago. I have a problem letting this go. Please some one help me because I don't want to do anything else...

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