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Birthday is today. Time for a new approach

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Well my Birthday has arrived.


Bring on some needed TLC.


For those wondering if I have heard from my ex no I have not ...she is overseas in Ireland with her daughter....maybe she will

contact me ...and maybe she won't....who knows.


The really important thing that I DO know is that for my own continued healing its time to kick things up a few notches.


One of the themes in my recovery is trying to find more balance in areas of my life currently lacking...to take more chances...to open my heart more....to get more love I have to first give more love: both to myself and to others.


And also having goals and plans to get me these healthier and empowering places.


Emotionally it means that while feeling naturally sad and angry (while healing) it is also vital for me to try to reach out equally to the other side of my emotional spectrum to discover a lot of healing in joyful and happiness bearing activities.


Trying new things/reading new subjects and going out of my comfort zone for instance to expand who I am etc . Looking intentionally for activities that will bring me some joy and happiness.


In addition hopefully I will gain more confidence at the same time to face my fears and attempt to understand them and eventually to overcome them.


And this leads into trying to find balance more socially too as I want more social support in my life (a lot of my friends and all of my family are back East). I am going to continue to get my ass out there (and come on here less) but will also try to adopt some leadership positions in clubs or hobbies I enjoy/wish to explore (ie helping with planning & organizing as a way to have more impact etc).


And who knows maybe I will even want to start to date again.


Ah romance the more tricky area. I am trying to find some middle ground between being passionately romantic (which I am) alongside being more realistic.


Hopefully by being more socially and emotionally balanced if a relationship does fall apart I then won't be so devastated.


My time healing has found me rexamining many romantic notions that IMO merely anchored me with unrealistic and inflexible expectations and beliefs.

Thinking too much "is she the one" or in future based "happily ever after" gets in the way with just enjoying a relationship as it is right now --despite my wanting more in the future.


So diversifying my energies and goals and finding love in a multitude of areas in other words is key .


Put another way you don't put all of your investment eggs into one basket do you? Any stockbroker will tell you to diversify should that "darling stock" suddenly go south under a market correction and thus not be so darling any longer.


Balance balance balance.


Lastly I'm just coming to realize how important it is to be on much more loving terms with myself ...lovers may come and go but I am always interacting with myself and thus taking better care of me should continue to be a priority. So I am trying to make good this time of singlehood to be more responsible for my own happiness validation and acceptance .


Will check back later.


Peace and happiness!

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Happy birthday canali, hope you have a wonderful day!


I really like how you compared it to a stock portfolio, that's definitely a good idea. Many people are left devastated after a breakup because they have no identity to fall back on. Their relationship was their identity (I am also a victim of this).

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Hey There Canali!




You are definitely an inspiration to us and you sound like you are certainly on the right track. I agree with you whole-heartedly that you have to love yourself and others in order to get love. I think that's even how we experience love...by we, ourselves, actively loving others.


And I think there are lot of people out there who could use our love too.


Anyway, great to see this positive post, Canali.


Take care!!


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