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What should i do?


hulk7280
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Ok.. here is the summary..

 

i dated this girl for 6 months. We broke up in september and im still head over heals for her. We broke up because she said she wasnt in love with me and felt that should be after 6 months. She contacts me mostly and we occasionaly hang out once a week or so and workout also about once a week. We both still has feelings for each other, but she isnt ready to try again and says she needs time to make a decision.

 

Well this past weekend she admitted to me that she has been talking to a guy in las vegas, we live in florida. he is 25 and a bartender. She is 32 with a child.

 

She was in vegas a couple weeks ago working a convention(she is a model) and the last three days of her trips she stayed with him.

 

I was hurt when she told me this. I told her that this is immature what your doing.. meeting a guy off myspace who is 25 year old bartender?? * * * are u thinkin.. ur 32 with a child..

 

but anyway i proceeded to tell her how much i cared for her and all.. bascially want to give it another shot.. she keeps telling me she needs time, blah blah.. I told her we are basically perfect each other and have great chemistry together.. she agrees.. but she feels there is something missing and doenst knwo what it is.. she says she thinks one day she will just wake up and be in love with me.. but i tell her its not that easy love is hard work and you have to work at it and try, its not just going to happen when u wake up..

 

so basically we end the convo.. i say when i get back in town lets go on a "date" she replies with "let me think about it" and she tells me she well talk to me when she gets back.. i tell her i dont think thats a good idea unless u want to work things out again.

 

so the next day she text me..

 

"im sorry i couldnt talk more last night, hope you have a good day"

 

i didnt respond..

 

ok.. so here comes were i need advice.. my friends tell me i need to talk to her in person.. and spill my guts out?

 

I was thinkin of just going cold turkey NC.. just ignore any all contact from her unless she wants to try again. This so I just heal and get over this situation.. i mean we have been broken up for over 6 months now.. I shouldnt be feeling this way anymore..

 

so what do u guys think? one last tak in person.. or just complety disappear from her life?

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I think your idea is better than your friends, the whole ignoring her unless she wants to try again.

 

She is your ex, so really, you cant tell her how to live her life and who she can see which is why getting out of her life for a bit is probably the best thing.

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Ditch her. If she's not in love with you by now, she probably won't ever be and is just using the whole "maybe one day I'll wake up and be in love with you" thing to keep you around. Stop chasing her and drop off her radar completely. Either she will start to miss you and realize her feelings and come after you, or she won't. Either way you'll know her real feelings on the matter.

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Ditch her. If she's not in love with you by now, she probably won't ever be and is just using the whole "maybe one day I'll wake up and be in love with you" thing to keep you around. Stop chasing her and drop off her radar completely. Either she will start to miss you and realize her feelings and come after you, or she won't. Either way you'll know her real feelings on the matter.

 

I agree..

 

they feel like i need to talk to her one last time and get it out there so i have no regrets..

 

in my heart i just dont feel like it will change anything..

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I think your idea is better than your friends, the whole ignoring her unless she wants to try again.

 

She is your ex, so really, you cant tell her how to live her life and who she can see which is why getting out of her life for a bit is probably the best thing.[/QUOTE]

 

yes i know, but i still care about her a lot and i sitll have that attitude as if she is my girl.. and seeing her do that is complety heartbreaking..

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I understand but even if it hurts you, you cant tell her how to live her life. This is more likely to drive her away.

 

It depends whether you can wait around for IF she changes her mind or whether you should go NC?

 

I have been "waiting" for 6 months.. honeslty i dont mind.. i love her to death.. but im not going to be "waiting" while she is hooking up with some guy in vegas..

 

he doesnt deserve her like i do.. She even agreed i was the best thing that ever happened to her after her divorce.. I helped get her back on her feet..

 

if i go complete nc i will have to join a new gym, because i know she will start to come to the gym when i normally do .. just to "run" into me..

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It's not a question of who deserves her - that is a choice for her to make and she clearly isn't choosing you in any meaningful way.

 

She already knows how you feel about her and doesn't need to be told in person. If she reciprocated she would say so and it is obvious that she doesn't feel that way. At the moment you are just someone to hang-out with when it is convenient for her.

 

Move on and find someone who both loves and respects you. She doesn't do either.

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ITs like she doesnt want to be with you but doesnt want to let you go. Dont let her hold that power over you why she moves on with her life.

 

that is exactly how i feel!

 

She always is contacting me not the other way around..

 

i think you guys are right and i need to just move on and go NC until im healed..

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that is exactly how i feel!

 

She always is contacting me not the other way around..

 

i think you guys are right and i need to just move on and go NC until im healed..

 

I think this is a good plan, hulk. I think she is keeping you on a string because she's not sure of what she wants. That is totally unfair to you. You deserve to have someone who knows what she wants.

 

I speak from experience. My ex is currently pulling the same thing on me. He wants me around, but... he is doing too much back-and-forth "maybe" stuff with me. He isn't currently seeing anyone else, but he did just get out of a relationship a short time ago, and he is still wrecked over her, so I know the best thing for me to do is just back off. I think the same thing would be good for you...just go NC, let her figure herself out, and if she realizes she wants you, fine, but if she doesn't, you're moving on, living your life and doing your own thing.

 

I agree too with those who said that telling her how you feel is probably not going to help. I think she already knows how you feel, and in order for anything to happen between you two, she needs to make the decision to pursue it.

 

Hang in there. It sounds like you have your head on straight about this, and that you will handle it well.

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You know for once.. she needs to win ME back.. i have always stood by her and been her rock and have bent over backwards for her.. she should be BLESSED to have me in her life.. and fight for ME to be in it..

 

All she has done is string me along.. with her "maybe's" and give me "time" .. im done with it.. im tired of feeling like i need her to be happy.. i need to focus on myself to be happy..

 

the hard part is going to be ignoring her contact.. but i will manage, i have too..

 

I am also going to join a new gym.. which SUCKS, because i have already paid 3 years upfront at my gym.. but an extra 30 dollars a month is worth not feeling the anxiety of seeing my ex..

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have you ever been in a sitation with an ex where you have just talked and talked about it?? and it kinda lingers on just becuase you keep talking about it?

 

i think i just need some companionship through times like these and ill be fine..

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