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I found out I was pregnant by my ex. I had an IUD that had dislodged, so were using a contraceptive method - it just failed. When I told him he told me how he always wanted children how much he loved me but that he couldn't have children outside of the kind of relationship we could never have (he and I). Maybe that was honest and I should appreciate it. It still hurt to hear "I want all of this, just not with you." We talked about it and decided on a medical abortion, which basically means you take oral medication 24 hours apart and then have a miscarriage. So he acted considerate and as if he was trying to be there for me for this - he got a hotel room near the clinic and took me to the appointment, etc. He was there at the clinic when they gave me the first pills and we went to the hotel together. He was there when I took the second set of pills, but left early in the morning while I was still miscarrying. He had to go teach a class he teaches. I was hurt that he didn't cancel or get a substitute, because he knew I'd be in the middle of the worst part at that time. He had already told me that on that day (or rather evening) he "had to" go to a "birthday thing" for a friend. And so he did. He left that morning for his class, leaving me alone and bleeding at the hotel. He didn't return until 2 hours after I had to check out, and then he went with his "friends" to a drinking festival of sorts. He wasn't online or available by phone all night. He called twice, the second time to say he couldn't get off the couch so couldn't come be with me. I know he got off the couch to go out and stayed out all night. I don't know, we aren't dating anymore - but it really hurt because it feels like he stuck around just long enough to make sure I'd taken the second set of pills and was miscarrying, and then he split. Also, the first night at the hotel we had sex and he said all these mushy, sentimental things that gave me false hope, but afterwards he withdrew from me emotionally for the second night. I admit I wanted the sex - I was feeling alone and afraid and still had feelings for him. I guess for me it was about love and for him it was just sex. I felt hurt and used and so so sad. He's a jerk, right? What is wrong with me?

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Im so sorry you'v ebeen through all this.

 

As he was your ex, you cant expect him to act as a boyfriend would, taking care of you. He tried to be there for you but obviously its hard when the relationships over. Yes he seems like a jerk, especially for giving you false promises.

 

Concentrate on ignoring him and getting over this terrible time.

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The weird thing was he kept going on and on about how he can't stand men who try to use me for sex. Isn't that what he did too? He knew I was vulnerable and he knew that when we have sex I feel close to him and sad afterwards.

 

I guess I did expect him to act like a boyfriend, partly because he was acting like one by having sex with me and saying all that stuff. Maybe I wanted the false hope. But I did feel like he should have stuck around until it was over - and that going to some "scotch fest" should not have been the priority.

 

Anyway, this happened yesterday and today is mother's day and I am so sad.

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I have to agree with you, Render. It seems that he stayed with you to make sure you took the pills and then split. I can't imagine how horrible that is for you. The more we love someone, the more we stand to get hurt by them, even by the little things, though this is no little thing. "Jerk" is a much nicer word than I would use. Maybe its just the way I was brought up, but I believe it takes "two to tango", and if I were to get a woman pregnant, its my duty to see it through to the end, whether she decides to terminate or have the baby. Even if we decided we couldn't be together, my flesh and blood is my flesh and blood, and a real man takes care of his responsiblities. Find yourself a real man, hon.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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