How do you feel about Confessing Crushes?

[gigglyfreedom]

Hello everyone. I was wondering what people's views are on confessing a crush, confessing crushes in general. any general ideas or views would be nice, I've just written down a lot of questions as an inspiration point, but they dont need to be all answered.

 

have you ever done it? has someone ever confessed a crush on you? what was the situation like afterwards? was it strange? or was it nice? was it flattering?

 

would you confess a crush if, for instance, the person you had a crush on wasn't married or in a relationship and wasn't in the same job (or was soon not going to be)... would you tell them?

what if you had really liked them and then you found out they were going to move to another city or country? would you tell them? then you wouldnt have to see them again and feel embarrassed...

 

how would you confess a crush to someone you dont know that well but are very physically attracted to? would you say it? write it down? ask them if you could talk to them? use humour? is confessing a crush something that actually gets done? or is it just something people speak about but that usually people dont really do?

thank you!

[SapphireNoir10]

I've only confessed when I was sure they felt the same way, normally the guy confesses first.

 

I've had awkward times where a guys confessed a crush to me and I had to turn them down.

[hers]

I confessed a crush to a guy friend recently. I confessed it only b/c I thought he'd respond positively b/c of the signals I thought he was sending. I got the "you're a great girl but" line back. I felt stupid and surprised. Rejected, sure, but mostly surprised.

 

Last night we hung out for the first time since I told him and I felt awkward but said screw it. I still had fun (we hung out in a group of people). I won't hang out one on one with him anymore. But I otherwise feel indifferent to him now. But I'm sure it helped that I pointed out many things about him to dislike to myself haha.

[COtuner]

Never once had anything good result from confessing a crush, or even longtime feelings. in every case, the guy either turned cold and started avoiding me (adulthood) or found it incredibly funny and told everyone he knew (college). In all cases, I was getting signals that seemed like the guy might be interested

 

When guys have confessed crushes on me, I've always tried to be as nice and possible and explain that I did not feel the same. But I never behaved the way guys have to me, which I think is cruel and immature.

[LemonCheesecak]

Mixed bag.

 

A friend once confessed a crush on me after trying to kiss me. This was after an emotional breakup when I thought she was being there as a friend, haven't really spoken to her since. It just made things weird.

 

Another girl got her friend to confess hers (oh to be that young again) and I shared the feelings so I asked her out, she decided after about two weeks of seeing each other she was over the crush (about the same time a friend of hers confessed a crush on her!)

 

Given all that, I don't mind people confessing, if I feel the same then fantastic, and if not I'd like to thing I'm considerate and sensitive enough not to hurt them (but it doesn't happen often so no worries there). But I'd never do it personally.

 

That was confusing to type.

[pinkelephant]

I've had guys confessing their crushes on me. I didn't think it was awkward, but some did. It's a pretty normal occurrence (having crushes) so I don't understand why people get weird over it. Some of the guys and I remain friends. Others stop talking to me. Some start spreading rumours about me. Eh.

 

On my end, I've never really confessed but I'm really obvious. I blush, stammer and get really weird around guys I like so it's not like I have to say it. I figure there's no need for me to make the first move since I'm already so obvious. If the guy likes me back, he'll ask me out. If not, I don't think confessing would change anything except ruin my ego for a week or two.

[TBE_1989]

I confessed a crush to a guy friend recently. I confessed it only b/c I thought he'd respond positively b/c of the signals I thought he was sending. I got the "you're a great girl but" line back. I felt stupid and surprised. Rejected, sure, but mostly surprised.

 

Last night we hung out for the first time since I told him and I felt awkward but said screw it. I still had fun (we hung out in a group of people). I won't hang out one on one with him anymore. But I otherwise feel indifferent to him now. But I'm sure it helped that I pointed out many things about him to dislike to myself haha.

 

 

Exactly my experience.

 

With my situation though, I actually felt a huge sense of pride after telling him, even though his reaction wasn't what I wanted. I felt proud of myself. I did something not many girls of my age - certainly not many I know - do - tell a guy you have feelings for them without playing the hard-to-get card. Now, granted, my hurt was made greatly less by the fact that a mutual friend of myself and the crush later told me that the crush guy has never had a girlfriend and never wants one, so I know it's nothing personal against me. He said he's never had feelings for ANYONE. But, still, my relative lack of pain in the aftermath of this situation was mostly down to the sense of accomplishment I felt. I'll no longer be afraid to confess my true feelings to someone in the future and this gives me a great sense of optimism.

[Raistlin]

I confessed a crush just last night, while I was at a party and had had some liquid courage. She reacted very, very positively and told me that she was interested in me as well - everything broke down to miscommunication.

 

However, she's been seeing a guy for a month. I don't feel bad that I told her since I got it out there. She seemed pretty distant from the guy anyhow, and she made sure she told me she' call me (doubt it, but still) and that she'd "see where things go" with this guy.

 

I expect nothing, but I did it. I feel better.

[blueeyedme]

Sure, why not? I don't think it can ever hurt to let someone know you care about them...as long as you don't expect anything in return.

[Severitis]

Here, I am going to post a portion of another post I wrote which sums up my experience:

 

Listen, I just went through the exact same thing. I fell for this guy at work HARD. I mean, it was borderline obsession. I couldn't get him off my mind. Every time I saw him my face would flush, my heart would pound, and I couldn't control it. This surprised me because I hadn't had an infatuation like that... ever. He had flirted with me big time when I first began working there, so much to the point that I felt it was a mutual attraction. So I went out on a limb and confessed to him that I had a crush on him. He was flattered, and the flirting went on for another week or two and then... nothing. He began ignoring me. Avoiding my gaze. It drove me crazy. The more I tried to get his attention, the further it pushed him away. I knew in my mind that he didn't want to take the next step, but my heart wouldn't listen. It is hell, isn't it? I read everything on the internet I could to help me get over it. I, too, read to stay away, but that doesn't work. However, I did read something that in the end DID. The article said to think about the negative things he has done - the things you overlook because you are so enamored.

 

That was the first and only time I will ever confess a crush. Warning sign right away is the fact that I felt the need to tell him - You really just know when someone likes you. But I felt the need to push it further because I wasn't getting the response from him that I wanted. I convinced myself that maybe he didn't realize, even after all the flirting. But alas, he knew but didn't want to take it to the next level. I do feel foolish now and wish I could take it back. If you are in this position, don't do it. If he hasn't asked you out yet, he probably won't. And you'll save yourself the embarassment.

 

I now have a new crush and boy the fireworks are going off - without any confessions of the sort. It only took two days of serious flirting for him to ask me out and it's been rock and roll ever since. I think a woman (and yeah this might sound sexist) should never have to tell a man she has a crush on him. It puts too much power in his hands. Even if he is not very interested in you, in the back of his mind he knows he can probably get sex out of you when he's bored because he can play on your emotions. It could also be the other way around for a guy to confess.

[Virgil]

I think a woman (and yeah this might sound sexist) should never have to tell a man she has a crush on him. It puts too much power in his hands. Even if he is not very interested in you, in the back of his mind he knows he can probably get sex out of you when he's bored because he can play on your emotions. It could also be the other way around for a guy to confess.

 

GASP! You mean to tell me that you are actually acknowledging that there is a difference between the sexes? Such archaic views...

 

Seriously, I agree with you on one count - confessing your feelings gives the other party an excessive amount of power. However I am tempted to argue that, because of the amount of power given to women if a guy confesses, no men should ever confess either. Believe me, women often have a huge amount of power over males to begin with - giving them more can lead to some seriously nasty mind games. As you said though, this really applies for both parties (we men just draw the short straw because society expects us to make our intentions clear first).

 

From my limited experience, I think confessing can be an excellent way of achieving closure - even if the other party is not interested. This being said, it can create some pretty awkward situations if you have to see each other regularly. That is why I would only do so if I could easily put myself in a position where I would not see them for quite a while if everything went badly.

 

But who am I to say - I have never worked up the courage to do so myself and nobody has ever been inclined to confess anything to me...

[Crush85]

I have never confessed a crush to anyone for the same the reasons that I wouldn't like someone to confess a crush to me- because it would put someone on the spot and it's a high-pressured moment. And if the reaction isn't good, then someone could end up getting hurt.

[somethngwrng]

I usually do it and go in for a kiss. It seems regardless of whether a girl is interested or not, they're too mortified by the situation to deny a makeout session with me. I have yet to have a woman push me away while doing it - only avoid me at later dates.

 

Noone wants to hurt the puppy dog's feelings!

[DaBladeRoden]

Yeah, it's a big risk. Sometimes I wonder if it gets to point where you have to confess it, it's already doomed. Case in point.

 

I've had guys confessing their crushes on me. I didn't think it was awkward, but some did. It's a pretty normal occurrence (having crushes) so I don't understand why people get weird over it. Some of the guys and I remain friends. Others stop talking to me. Some start spreading rumours about me. Eh.

 

Notice she never said that she actually tried dating any of them.

[Buttterfly]

I've done it twice. Once I ended up with him as bf( we had been before casual friends) and the second time, last night; it feels scary and awckwardness but I'd rather act than let thoughts nagg me uselessly without knowing; I told the guy I'm dating for 4 wks last night that I feel very very unexpectedly attracted to him and what I like abt him more than I should do ;-) but that doesn't mean I would b able to go down that road any soon just felt like gettin it off my chest; to which he reeplied he was in schock to hear I reciprocate his feelings and very excited abt it all and ... When shaall we hook up again asap lol. confessing my crushes made me feel I had guts to do whatever I need to do, whenever I need to.