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Reinforcement (I'm not really a bookworm)


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Ok were you good at something but at the same time either that was not your passion or you didn't like it that much. However you only did it because of constant reinforcement on it while what you like the most was either ignored or what taken very serious.

 

Ok well see I had almost everyone fooled (even my parents) into thinking I was the bookworm studious girl that loved math. Errr I realized I don't like long careers that all you have to focus is studying too hard and that by the time you get the highest degree you're like what about 30 years old?? Plus besides reading books what else have you accomplished in life?? And in the future I imagine traveling a lot.

 

This is so ironic as I was a top 10% graduate student in my high school graduation did got mainly A's in math but no it was boring going geometry and graphs. Plus many times I couldn't study without music. It had to be on else I couldn't concentrate with too much silence so being in the library for hours on just reading would kinda bored me.

 

Apart from that it was never math, no most of my course that I like most, it was ''Martial Arts'' and things having to do with traveling and meeting people the whole time yet it was ignored. Or I was often told ''Study first, be a professional then go for your martial arts''. By the time I finished that I would be what in my late 20's or 30. Plus I find myself that if I were to study for a long career (doctor for example) I would mainly and solely do it for the money. Also would be focusing on finishing the courses already and on my way to the degree, I really have no patience for long professions such as those.

 

So has any of this happened to you? Just because you're good at something and comes out naturally doesn't mean you like it or gonna do that in the future.

 

Really come to think about almost all my life it was me getting known as the bookworm geeky girl (yeah got teased a lot in ele. and middle too) and books, great professions, that's all it was talked about. I felt, that I could not explore elsewhere beyond that. Now lol I want my marial arts I always wanted so badly.

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Follow your heart, and dont live for other peoples expectations. Just do what you love. You have all the time in the world to change peoples perceptions and to be you.

 

You're right thus why I'm saving my work money. With that I can enroll myself on martial arts.

 

In my view the way I see long term careers such as doctor, lawyer, or any of those that requires too much hard work is the following:

 

First you are given a list of course (the basic ones and in a way it's like high school) that you have to take having really little to do with what you're studying. Then by the time you finished and are now taking the career oriented classes, guess what it's 2-4 years later.

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Seriously, do what you want to do. Live your own life, not your parents'.

This spring, I switched my major from social work (my dad is a SW and desperately wanted me to follow suit) to art history. I've epically disappointed my parents but it's what I love and they'll get over it.

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Seriously, do what you want to do. Live your own life, not your parents'.

 

Yes that is what I'm doing, no more fullfilling expectations as I long being doing. No more the bookworm (nerdy girl) everyone (even the teachers at school) long thought.

 

Now it's my way. I took an online test and I was told I was not a bookworm but at the same time nor a lazy bum either, but did have my talents and good qualities.

 

Yeah I still don't get the part on why many confuse you for the bookworm on your way of getting a long term career just because you always did well at school with a good GPA. I come to think some like that might have secretly like something else that was long ignored. Maybe I'm not the only one. Now screw expectations, I'm going my way.

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Yes that is what I'm doing, no more fullfilling expectations as I long being doing. No more the bookworm (nerdy girl) everyone (even the teachers at school) long thought.

 

Now it's my way. I took an online test and I was told I was not a bookworm but at the same time nor a lazy bum either, but did have my talents and good qualities.

 

Yeah I still don't get the part on why many confuse you for the bookworm on your way of getting a long term career just because you always did well at school with a good GPA. I come to think some like that might have secretly like something else that was long ignored. Maybe I'm not the only one. Now screw expectations, I'm going my way.

 

be what you want to be, and who you want to be. don't let others tell you who you are. be free, and always remember, they don't own you.

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People who made fun of me for being smart seem to have turned out to lead boring, typical lives. I on the other hand have done a lot in my life because I wasn't narrow minded and worried about being popular and getting rich. Not one of my high school classmates ever left their neighborhood. The women all were married after attending a local college and just had babies and do what all their parents did before them. The men all pursued careers on Wall Street, except the one other rebel in my class, who ironically pursued aerospace like me and even went to law school (also as I wanted to do). The two of us were the only ones who escaped and we get sniped at constantly because the others are jealous. i don't give a damn, and I don't go to the reunions, participate in the alumni gossip chains, etc.

 

Also turned down both my parents wishes for what they wanted me to do. I even dropped out of college and started over again 4 years later. (parents were furious over that too, although they weren't paying for any of it) To this day, neither of my parents agree with anything I do, but somehow they both are proud of me. They just don't like me, LOL

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I was pre-med in college, because I was told I "could do anything" with the grades, etc. that I had earned. Problem was, I really had no desire to go to medical school...and in my mind, medical school is grueling and next to impossible for the people who truly DO want to be there. I don't think it would be survivable for the half-hearted.

 

I dropped the pre-med thing, and sort of panicked because it was senior year and I had no clue what I wanted to do. Ended up finding my way into journalism, and LOVED it. Had a great 8-year run in my journalism career after earning my degree, and would have continued if it was a viable way to help support a family in the long run (and if newspapers weren't crashing and burning all over the place).

 

When I was told my whole life that I "could do anything I put my mind to," I naturally assumed this meant I was "supposed to" go into engineering, medicine, the corporate world--something high-powered, high-paying and challenging. But I would have absolutely HATED any and all of those things. Now, even though I left journalism, I am still paid to write, take photographs and talk to people. Very rarely does work feel like work. It's challenging, fun, and I love it.

 

If you are truly good at something and love to do it, THAT is what you should pursue. Not only do you want to love your work (because it is at least 1/3 of your life, if not more), but I think that to truly excel and be good at what you do, you've got to love it. I poured my heart and soul into journalism, and now school PR, not because I have to, or even because I feel like I have to. I love it, and so it comes naturally--which led to me doing a good job.

 

I think that parents want to see us happy, settled and self-sufficient. If you choose to follow your passion, I truly believe you will get to be/have all of those things. Even the professions that don't pay that well to begin with, still allow you to get by and pay the bills--and I'd rather live paycheck to paycheck and love going to work, than have bunches of money in the bank and dread every day.

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P.S. I'm kind of the opposite of you. I was also made fun of for being a complete and total bookworm in el. school and middle school...but it was true. I absolutely LOVED to read, still do. In high school and college, I was completely and totally a social butterfly, but often not comfortable with it...so took up drinking to facilitate the lifestyle I felt I needed to have. I continued those social patterns after college, including the drinking to feel comfortable around people, until it started to cause many more problems than it solved.

 

Since meeting my husband, he's helped me to get back in touch with the parts of myself I had buried in order to feel more "socially acceptable"--bookworm, musician, etc.--and now I maintain a balance. I spend time with friends, but I also honor and accommodate the part of me that sometimes wants nothing more on a Friday night than to stay home and read a book. I don't drink anymore, either. I feel much more at peace.

 

I guess my point is--you've got to be yourself, and not force yourself into a mold other people have come up with for you. There is only one you, and you'd be doing yourself a grave disservice. As a poster hanging up at my office says: "Make the most of yourself, for you are the only you the world will ever have."

 

I sometimes muse about people who are so obviously in the right place, because they are/were not only fantastic at what they chose to do, but seem(ed) so true to themselves with their life pattern--people like Ellen DeGeneres, Stephen Hawking, Neil Armstrong, Paul Simon, Jack Black--and wonder: What would have happened if they had decided to take a desk job because they felt they had to? Impossible to imagine.

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I feel I had that too... not with regards to a particular profession... I have switched my ideas of what I want to be many times in my life (at 26 I'm still switching) but not so much because of reinforcement.

 

What I did have though was the general feeling at school that I was a geek, and therefore had to spend my evenings studying and had to see socialising as a waste of time, perhaps fit for less intelligent people. And now I'm older I realise this totally wasn't me, it was never who I wanted to be and it was never in my personality to act that way... I acted that way purely because people told me I was part of a particular social sub-group that should behave in a particular way.

 

I wanted to change, I wanted to be one of the more fun-loving, less restrained people... but it never occurred to me at the time that I could do that... at the time I just thought that once a label had been given to you, you had no option but to go along with it.

 

And as a result I wasted so much of my life between the ages of 7 and 18, something from which I still haven't recovered and which still engenders a great feeling of shame in me. It's taken me until 26 to even start to fix my issues.

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Sometimes, those people who are boring, like doctors, lawyers, etc... ARE doing what they love. Every person who follows the straight and narrow is not boring or trying to please someone. Nor is every person who follows a different path a loser. Stereotypes are most often wrong.

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I don't think the OP suggested that lawyers and doctors are boring... just that she didn't want to be one.

 

You hear so many stories about kids being pressured to become doctors and lawyers when they want to be an artist or politician... but you rarely hear of kids being pressured into being artists or politicians when they want to be a doctor or lawyers.

 

I think it's more about prestige jobs which are seen as being good money and good job security being unnecesarily placed above the job the person actually wants to do.

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