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Need some help/advice......

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Hi all.... 24 year old here and have been in a relationship near on three years with a girl I love to bits. About 6 or 7 weeks a go she told me she wanted a bit of space to think about things. My first reaction was thinking that there was something wrong I tried to solve the problem by talking to her, seeing her and not giving her that space.


Things seemed to get a little better and last weekend we saw each other and had what I thought was three good nights together. She lives a two hour drive for me, I drive I had been making every weekend for the three years.


Then the following day she sent me a text message saying that it was over. I tried to respond to talk to her and find out why and put my side accross to her. Her phone was off for the rest of the night and the next day. Because my head was in such a mess, I drove down to see her the following day. I managed to talk to her for about 15 minutes before I headed back home again. She said that she still wanted space from me, but didn't give an indication as to if we still had a chance.


I then sent her a text and said I would leave her until Sunday. It has been so hard, because we always used to talk all the time etc... But it is now Sunday morning. I haven't text or tried to call her since and I haven't heard anything from her. I plan to text her this afternoon to ask her how she is etc... and see if I have the chance to talk to her.


The problem is - I don't want this relationship to end, I know we can still be good together. I have so much to say to her and I'm just so scared that I will text her today and she either won't reply or will say she doesn't want to talk to me. Then I just won't know what to do in that situation. Any advice would be great.

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My advice: Whatever the emotional, panicked part of your brain is telling you to do, DON'T DO IT!


It sounds like things are over between the two of you, at least at this point. I would try your best to calm down and relax. This is not the end of the world. The fact that you are reacting so emotionally is a pretty strong indicator that you have been relying too much on the relationship for that "I'm ok. Everything's ok." feeling. Unfortunately, this is typically the position that the dumper is always in...emotional dependance on the relationship. You just need to accept that you may not get to say everything you want to say to her, and it is highly likely that even if you did, it wouldn't make a bit of difference. As you will soon find, no amount of rationalizing, bargaining, or pleading will effectively change her mind.


Instead of letting your emotions run wild, I would suggest finding some close friends to lean on, and come and post here when you are feeling compelled to contact your ex. She has requested space, so you should gave her 100% space. Don't reach out or contact her in anyway. She has broken things off (and in a distasteful way, I might add) and you don't owe her anything. Just try to stay busy, and surround yourself with people who love you.


I'm really sorry you're going through this. We've all been there, and we're here to help.


Welcome to the journey.

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Thankyou for that, I have been told today that she does plan to contact me at some point. That has made me feel a bit better. But I still have this hurting feeling within my heart wanting to talk to her so much.


I know I have to do my best to wait for and try and get through it. It's just so hard not knowing what she is thinking and how long she plan's on leaving it.


It would make me that much happier even if she text me to say she was ok and just wanted some more space still

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You're feeling that way because you feel like you have no control over the situation. You feel like she has all the power, and that you can't feel ok or content without knowing what she's doing every moment of everyday.


Emotional dependance often makes otherwise well-balanced people become a bit controlling, and it makes sense. If you are basing you happiness solely on what she does and how she responds to and acts towards you, then that is definitely a scary situation to be in!! Why depend so much on something that is so unpredictable?


Focus on you. Focus on finding happiness and contentment within yourself, regardless of whether she ever contacts you again, because you're the only thing in this world that you actually have control over. I know that many of these things you'll just have to learn over time, but I figure it can't hurt for you to hear them now.

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