Why did I do it?

[Laniez]

Backstory:

Friends for almost 8 years, dated for almost 4. Broke up 7 weeks ago after a huge fight. I moved out (because he told me to leave when we were fighting) and haven't initiated contact in 6 weeks. The only time he initiated contact was to talk about stuff I'd left there.

 

Today he graduated from college. I wasn't planning on contacting him, but I started feeling guilty. I mean, I've known him since he was a freshman in high school, I would feel terrible if I didn't extend my congratulations. So I sent him a simple text saying congrats.

 

Big mistake. He never texted back. I told myself not to expect him to, but I guess I was hoping for a thank you, at the very least.

 

I should have stuck with NC. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so sh***y right now. I was doing so well.

 

I still love him, and even when he was telling me it was over he was still saying he loved me, too. He has to know that him not saying thanks is going to upset me, right?

 

I miss him so much. And I know he misses me too. But I guess that's not enough.

 

Comments and advice most appreciated.

[bantusaya]

Move forward... with or without him

[AJEDrew7]

Honestly. To me, you got in a huge fight. But is the fight irreconcilable? You have NC, but to me it doesn't seem to me like you two tried to communicate and works through your problems. You're doing NC to try and calm yourself and not be mad at each other anymore. To be honest, I would be surprised if you didn't try and talk to him and work things out. If you both try and then things really don't work out...then I would say you should be mad at yourself about break NC because then you should really be working to get over your relationship. If you have already tried, then we all have our weak moments. Move on and continue grieving and living your life.

[journeynow]

You did fine, contacting with simple congratulations. I think it's good, a kindness, considering how long you've known him.

 

I know it still hurts, for you, though. Consider it's a busy time for him, full of celebration and family and distractions. And even if he is being a stinker on purpose (which might not be the case) by not replying, know that you are above that. You did a the noble thing by acting civil and sending congratulations. In the scheme of a lifetime it is a good thing you've done.

[Laniez]

Thanks to all of you who replied. I haven't spoken to him since the text, and even though it hurt not hearing back from him I am glad that I sent it now. If I hadn't sent it, I would have felt terrible, like I was trying to pretend that I didn't care. Well, the truth is, I do care. And I'm not going to be pathetic about it and I'm not going to beg and plead for him to change his mind. I am just going to be civil. And I think congratulating him was, in fact, the civil thing to do. And I am proud of myself for coming on here to complain about him not replying instead of complaining to him or someone he knows. We will both be at the same event next week and it will be the first time we've seen each other in 2 months. Cross your fingers it goes well.

[Laniez]

Honestly. To me, you got in a huge fight. But is the fight irreconcilable? You have NC, but to me it doesn't seem to me like you two tried to communicate and works through your problems. You're doing NC to try and calm yourself and not be mad at each other anymore. To be honest, I would be surprised if you didn't try and talk to him and work things out. If you both try and then things really don't work out...then I would say you should be mad at yourself about break NC because then you should really be working to get over your relationship. If you have already tried, then we all have our weak moments. Move on and continue grieving and living your life.

 

Well, he is stubborn. When I tried talking to him after the fight he said "ok, but just know I'm not going to change my mind...at least not right now." We've been through this several times before. I guess that was the big problem with our relationship. Whenever we had an issue he always felt it was much easier to call it quits than to just work it out. Based on past experiences, he'll be back. I want him to be back. But I have to be okay if it doesn't happen.