the oppoite problem, how to increase my sex drive?

[mandyc]

So I just read a post that seems to sum up my current situation with my bf. We don't have sex very often, maybe once or twice every 3 weeks. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just lazy? But it feels like so much work sometimes, and when we do have it I just want him to get off as quickly as possible. I love him with all my heart, and it is nothing about him physically or emotionally, so whats wrong? I all still get horny and all that, I just would prefer masterbating to having sex. And I know sex is an important part of a relationship. Is there anything I can do to make me want it more? I feel like somethings wrong with me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Cardinal]

You don't sound like you are getting any pleasure from sexual intercourse.

 

As a simple mental exercise, see if you can answer this. What do you get out of sex that you don' t get from bating by yourself? What do you want to get from it and how can you get there? Moreover, what about your sexual interactions with this man needs to change that would make you happier?

 

Your libido is fine. You don't need to increase your sex drive. You need to work on the mutual attraction that you feel for one another on a very basic level.

[Sparchitecht]

Increasing your drive wouldn't necessarily help if you aren't lacking completely. It may, but it sounds more like sex is just generally not what it's supposed to be for you two, and hence you're settling in for a life without it.

 

You can lack actual drive for a plethora of physical or physiological reasons, but yours sounds more like it's originating -or failing to originate- in the psyche. You're maybe not attracted to him; you're maybe put off by the fact that he doesn't pay that kind of attention to you anymore; you're maybe more willing to settle for less than raise hell trying to make sex a fulfilling experience for you both (or perhaps you've not readily considered this as feasible and always accepted your sex life as 'is what it is' without giving it a second thought). Perhaps you're uncomfortable about your body or he doesn't make you feel beautiful or wanted or like anything other than a piece of meat with a conveniently-located hole in it, I could go on looking for variables, but let's hope you can continue this search on your own if you need to. If not, let me know, I'll continue being articulate.

 

Lastly, imo, I'm old-fashioned and still think that a lot of it is up to the male to initiate via attention and intimacy shown to his lover on a regular basis. This paves the way for erotic exchanges, and the more regular and common-place they are the more seamlessly they will lead to foreplay and more passionate sex without feeling like some sort of weird, off-the-cuff routine we're both going through just to keep it all together. At least I thought that's how it was supposed to work.

[TBE_1989]

This sounds rather bizaare, but I'm convinced having acupuncture has increased my sex-drive. I'm being treated for gynocological, so maybe those girly hormones are being moved around a bit.

 

I've heard zinc can increase your sex drive.

 

other than that, are you stressed at all? External stress always decreases my sex drive. When I've other things on my mind, sex gets boring and I can become almost detached from what's going on in bed.