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Are all girls insane!? or just the ones that I date.


troubbble

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Ok. I've posted here a few times but its been a while since my last post. so here's a brief backstory.

 

Ex broke up with me in Dec. gave all sorts of reason, none of which held water. Said she wanted to be friends. I told her I couldn't do that and if she were in that position she would probably just use me as an emotional crutch and I would end up getting hurt.

Next couple of weeks I begged and begged for her to come back. She said she needed space. I backed off. Went about 2 months NC. Then I see her randomly. We make small talk. go our separate ways. She calls a few days later because she thinks she has a personal problem which i won't share here. I comfort her. Ask her if we can try again. She says she can't right now. Go NC again.

2 weeks later she calls again. Same story. I go NC.

I see her randomly in a bar and she just walks past me and leaves without talking. She calls the next day and says she doesn't want to treat me like a stranger, she wants us to be friends, and that it hurts her everytime she sees me and that she feels like she made a mistake (breaking up with me) but that I seem like I'm doing better without her so she'll leave me alone.

 

So of course I try to take this opportunity to rekindle something. I ask her if she'd like to go out and get a drink. We meet up, talk, catch up, no talk of the relationship. the night wen't well and we went our separate ways. a week goes by, and I ask her if she'd like to go out and get some coffee. We meet up everything goes great. talking, laughing. no talk of the relationship.

So the next day I call her and tell her I can't do friendship. Everytime I have to say goodbye my heart breaks. She is cold and says fine and hangs up.

So I call her back and ask her why she called me and told me she felt like she made a mistake if she didn't want to try again. She says, "That was like a month ago"(2weeks ago) I express my feelings for her and she says she thought I just wanted to be friends. I said I can't do that. Ended the call.

 

What the hell is wrong with girls!

I don't know what my question is. Just help me out. Some insight? I feel like I did right after the break up. I'm incredibly hurt.

I went NC at her request. Then she contacts me, I reestablish NC, she contacts me, I reestablish NC. Then she contacts me with a glimmer of hope. And then shuts me down. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!

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I wouldn't say girl(s)...it's your ex. Something is going on with her...and she is very very confused. How long were you together?

 

Not all girls are like this. You need to strict NC and stop trying to hang out with her or allowing her to continue calling you or your life is going to be nothing but a big raw sore time after time...your never going to heal and move on if you keep allowing yourself to be in contact with her............go NC and stay NC.

 

Right now she is just playing games with you and stringing you along...your NOT a yo-yo or a merry go round that you jump on and off. No more BS...either she is going to be with you or she can hit the road.

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together for 3 years.

i don't want to get over her. I want her back. I realize that in order to heal i have to stick to NC which i did. But shouldn't I try to reconcile when an attempt, or at least what I thought was an attempt, on her part to do the same is made?

When do you break NC?

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If she continues to sense how hurt you are then she won't be able to reconcile with you. That's close to a fact. It's only when she see with her own two eyes, ears, and heart that you absolutely don't require her in your life not to be miserable that she'd consider dating you again.

 

Right now, she can see how hurt you are, and yet you will still engage her and get hurt again. This gives her the power that she craves, but at the same time it gives her so much power that she can't look at you romantically. It also means that, in her subconscious mind, you are not capable of truly standing up for yourself, and you may be put at her mercy if she so chooses.

 

In a nutshell, she loses respect for you when she acts up and treats you poorly and you let her. And likely, she will keep testing you this way for as long as you let her, or just until she finds another guy that she falls in love with so that she doesn't require your ego-massage services. So, how to break that cycle? Two ways:

 

1) Don't ever speak to her again. This is by far the easier of the two ways, makes the most sense, will end up the likely outcome of your story, and is probably the best decision for all involved.

 

2) Get in a mindset where you can be around her, and be around her in every way possible without the need to feel hurt, or let down, or put off. This means that you could actually stomach yourself in the same room with her while she's making out with another guy. This means that if she doesn't call or text back that you legitimately aren't put off by it. This means that you could volunteer to set her up with one of your friends, and tell her "I think you two would hit it off." If you can get to this point, you'll have her respect back, and there's a fair to great chance that you'd get her back.

 

That said, how many guys do you think that are currently hurt by an ex exist that can actually pull that off? Not too freaking many, let me tell you. So, you either go the way of the Jedi, and engage your mind tricks, or else you walk away, no looking back, and you're a modern day David Caradine.

 

p.s. Yes, yes they are. All girls are crazy, and if you press them enough then they'll almost certainly admit it to you!!

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After a break up, a lot of dumpers go through a cycle of missing their ex and regretting their decision. This is usually a result of a renewed sense of loneliness. They can no longer rely on your company as a boyfriend, so they call you and play out these wishy washy conversations in order to alleviate some of their loneliness and reassure themselves that you are still there if they might want you back (to further alleviate said loneliness). Most of these people are not missing their exes, per se, but the RELATIONSHIP that they had with their ex. It is often hard to tell the difference, so you always have to be cautious when you hear the person who dumped you say "I made a mistake". Why is it a mistake? Because she lost you? Or because she lost a relationship and now has no one to cuddle with on a Sunday night?

 

And, fyi, all genders are equally prone to insanity, especially post-breakup.

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I don't see entirely see what you're complaining about here. She broke up with you, she made no attempt to get back together with you, and she dropped one remark about regretting breaking up with you, probably as a morale booster for you given that it was followed by a comment about how much better you seem now, during a random encounter (without which she probably wouldn't have mentioned it at all). That doesn't exactly seem a committed reconciliation desire on her part.

 

You say that you then wanted to rekindle things, so what did you do? Arranged a couple of dates where there was no mention of the relationship, and only two weeks later get round to mentioning any desire to get back together again. That doesn't exactly seem a committed reconciliation desire on your part either.

 

Then when you finally do it, she says no, predictably enough, and you're confused. What's to be confused about? At best she had one minor moment of regret, where there may have been a tiny window of opportunity, though I'm not even sure that's true, and that was it. You didn't act during that window, and to save your "what ifs", if you had, it almost certainly would have come to nothing one way or the other pretty soon anyway given her lack of commitment to the idea, and so now she is back where she was before, which is against continuing the relationship.

 

In terms of doing the right thing after the breakup, I would say that you did the normal thing, and there is no easy answer to the NC vs reconciliation contact question, but I would observe that the usual compromise doesn't seem to work for most people. When I have successfully reconciled after a breakup, it's always been soon, and because I struck as soon as an opportunity presented itself. I didn't play games, I made my position clear: I wanted to reconcile, but if that wasn't possible, then I wanted no friendship as a substitute. That puts the question constantly to the other person, it eliminates the possibility of them not realising you want to reconcile still, and it eliminates the need for further contact to keep making that point. Some people feel that it puts them in a vulnerable position to say that, but my argument would be if you're in a vulnerable position, and both sides know you are, then there isn't much point pretending otherwise. Simply telling the truth works far more often than people think.

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From a mans perspective here, insane is a little to harsh. Obviously men and women have there diffrences, I think it is that usually women because they are more fueled by emotions can be confusing to us men, sometimes our clean cut logical approach just cannot fathom how women feel or why they act the way the do. However, I am sure vice versa, women find it hard to understand our ways, but I am not a women and thats just my take on it.

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