Talked again, i can't help but love her... yet i dont know

[j44]

we have been broken up for 6-7 months, got very close very quick and remained that way for awhile, we were long distance, so a large part of our communicating was through the phone, which made us even closer in a weird way because we talked about everything... unfortunately we created a relationship that was very hard, not intentionally, but being young, in college, with not a lot of money, along with difficulties with parents added to the frustrations, in the end we broke up, towards the end she was up and down and really pushing away and i kept on trying, but there was no way to do it anymore, especially without her on the same page as me..

 

well i went nc right away, she tried contacting me a few weeks later, i didn't answer and didn't for the first 3 months, i would be lieing if i told you i didn't think about her, but i wasn't going to let her know that..... i was deeply hurt, she was the first person i think i loved, iv dated others but none like her.

 

she persistently tried to contact me and i finally answered, she went on and on how she finally appreciated me and blah blah and that she wants to be with me someday and all this other crap, i didn't say much, though when we talked again i did.

 

she had been dating someone so i said lets not even go there, now she is single, and she has been calling again, yet it is impossible with the distance i think, and it's like she is so different, or maybe im just seeing the side of her she never let me see, the more partier type of girl, piercings, stuff that turns me off, i can't stop her, i just don't think thats who she really is, but maybe i don't know.

 

maybe enough time hasn't passed, because i know i probably think about her more than she thinks of me, i just don't call her or message her. it's really tough because i thought that would help me get over her, but after nearly 6 months, i still feel the same about her, i just wish she would be consistent, not so up and down.

 

i would like to get close to her again someday, rebuild all that was lost, is it possible i really want to think it is......

 

i don't want to ignore everything she says but i don't want to talk to her too much either.

 

anyone with any advice....

 

Thanks

[Lionel Hutz]

I can relate.

 

First you have to look out for you. One of the things I learned with these push pull types of relationships, is that they will call when they are alone, bored, or rejected. She may really want to work it out, but in some cases this could be for her benefit and not a mutual attempt to make things okay.

 

If you are ready for it, and can come to a type of agreement as to where you see yourselves in the future, it may work. One thing to remember, is to let the past be the past. One may tactfully try to explain and apologize for the bad things from the past, but sometimes that can do more harm than good.

 

Then you think, "Is it worth it?" Since in many cases people hardly ever change.

[j44]

yeah i guess its just hard to hear about things girls do when single and not act jealous, cause the feelings are still there, for both of us, she does 2, its bad but we still have feelings i know.... i dont want to be avoiding her, i either need to go full out nc or maintain limited contact, i just don't want the drama

 

i want to get to know her again, but maybe its too soon.

 

is it weird to be disappointed she got a belly button ring, it like makes me see her differently

like who is she ??!?!? even though i know its just a piercing, im just wondering is it the new group of people or w/e, i don't want to control her, but if she has become this new person, then i really don't want to be with her, if that makes sense at all

[j44]

anyone with any advice?? , i am so confused on what to do, she called me again, i don't want to be the bad guy but friends wouldn't work.

[justletgo07]

I think you just need to be straight with her. If being friends is not something you're interested in, then you need to stand your ground and tell her. Just tell her that you're not in a position to be friends right now and you'd appreciate it if she would give you some space.

[j44]

im just confused if she wants to be more or... what not, she keeps calling and obviously wants me in her life in some way, she acts cute and even blows kisses on the phone, the problem is we aren't close, we are far apart so doesn't it seem kind of impossible... to do anything

[justletgo07]

im just confused if she wants to be more or... what not, she keeps calling and obviously wants me in her life in some way, she acts cute and even blows kisses on the phone, the problem is we aren't close, we are far apart so doesn't it seem kind of impossible... to do anything

 

This is just one of those hard truths: If she wanted to be with you, you'd know. She'd make it abundantly clear. Until she says that she wants to give it enough go, just assume that nothing has changed, because in reality nothing has.

 

Don't let her play with your feelings. Stand your ground.

[j44]

so even if i barely answer her calls and messages i would know... i mean is it worth it to still talk.... its been about 6-7 months

[justletgo07]

Yeah, it's been about 8 months for me bud. It doesn't matter if they hug you, kiss you, tell you they love you, sleep with you, etc. If they don't say "I want you back" then it's fair to say that they probably don't.

 

If you're ready for it, then I'd say you should try to initiate some light contact with her. Just make sure you're at a point where you won't form expectations, because that is where you're going to get hurt.

[j44]

i want to but im not ready to hear about other guys, anything like that.......

[justletgo07]

Well then you're probably not ready. Just being honest.

[j44]

what would be the best way to go about it, i want her back, but im really not desperate for it, it is just something i think of all the time...

[justletgo07]

Just take your time. Go with the flow. For now, don't initiate contact. Just let her make the moves. It'll help level the playing field and will help rid the situation of that pressuring feeling, like everything you are saying or doing is to get her back. Zero pressure is the key, plus having absolutely no expectations.

[insecurefool]

maybe you need to find some "other girls." insecurity about stuff like that will absolutely kill your chances of reconciling. it's a crappy part of a breakup but it happens.

[j44]

talked for the first time well im'd, we had a good talk, all light and funny, then thing started getting slow and she wasn't answering so i said i was going to get some sleep, she wondered why and told me sweet dreams. i think it went well and i feel good, i joked around was funny, the me she remembers.