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is my ex and his wife making me feel guilty because I wont let my son go to his half-brothers birthday party tomorrow even though it is Mother's Day of all days. If it was any other time, i'd go or atleast send my son but nooo they had to choose Mother's Day to have the party and now they are trying to say I keep my son from him and all this bullcrap. Keep in mind he maybe sees my son once a month for a couple of hours, if that. Doesn't attempt to call or anything any other time even when he is sick or in the hospital.

 

So am I really that bad of a person because I won't send my son to his father's for a birthday party on Mother's Day?

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is my ex and his wife making me feel guilty because I want let my son go to his half-brothers birthday party tomorrow even though it is Mother's Day of all days. If it was any other time, i'd go or atleast send my son but nooo they had to choose Mother's Day to have the party and now they are trying to say I keep my son from him and all this bullcrap. Keep in mind he maybe sees my son once a month for a couple of hours, if that. Doesn't attempt to call or anything any other time even when he is sick or in the hospital.

 

So am I really that bad of a person because I won't send my son to his father's for a birthday party on Mother's Day?

 

If he is barely taking an interest in your sons life as it is, then DO NOT let him play a guilt trip on you.

 

You're his mother, it is your decision.

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I think if you have him all other days, then maybe it'd be nice for your son to go to this birthday party. Spend mother's day with him and do something special on another day. Mother's day is just a made-up holiday. You and your son can have special time together the next day. Don't let your son suffer b/c you and your ex aren't on good terms.

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It isn't we aren't on good terms. He just doesn't want to see him any other day why does he want him on Mother's Day? He already knew I do something EVERY Mother's Day and my son is involved in all of that. If he would actually make an effort to see him any other time I probably wouldn't have much of a problem with him going for a couple of hours but truth of the matter is , he is a piece of *you know what* any other time, it's only when his family is involved that he wants to step up and make an effort. IMO, that is making my son suffer more than me not letting him go to a birthday party. Hell, he doesn't even make an effort to see him on Father's Day even though I offer.

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Maybe a little self centered. I would never refuse my child a party over hanging around with me on Mother's Day.

 

It's not that I am choosing my child to hang around with me over going to a birthday party (the kids birthday isn't even until June, why they are having his party now is beyond me!) ... I would love for him to go I just think it is unfair that his father only wants to get him because his family is going to be around. I guess that makes me a bad , self-centered mom. So be it.

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There is always more to a story... You said it isn't that you don't get along with your ex., and then he is a piece of ***....

 

In the past I had worked in counseling for many years & have seen that sometimes when men stay away it is because the female just makes any contact sheer h*ll in every aspect. From the toxic energy during planning phone calls, to being difficult about time arrangements & the activity they are going to do together, constant lecturing, negative things being said or rehashed, etc...

 

Important: I am not saying you are doing this but only that there is so often more to a story than one parent being totally angelic & the the being totally demonic. I don't mean it literally - hopefully you get what I mean.

 

Anyway- that would color my reply. So I'd say he is only 4 & has no idea in the world what Mother's Day even means. I'd let him go with his dad. You say you are always pushing for his dad to see him & it bothers you that he doesn't -- so now he wants to, so I'd let him see him.

 

Let go of the whatever is bugging you about "why does he choose Mother's Day of all days" which is between you & your ex, and just consider you son here. It would be great for him to spend the day with his dad. I'm sure he would like going with his dad (you say he doesn't) if he got to know him more.

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Also it isn't like I Knew about this party in advance.. I just got the message yesterday from them.. I have had plans since the beginning of the year with my family that involves my son.

 

 

Then it's the Dad's own fault for leaving it so late.

 

I'm sure they didn't decide to have the party yesterday.

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You're leaving out parts of the story. If you just heard yesterday and your son doesn't know his dad well enouh to say he wants to go with him, then tell your ex you had plans already for the day and tell him to give you more notice next time. Frankly it's none of your concern when they decide to have the party if the real bday isn't till june--that's their business and you don't need to focus on it. But let your son make the decision and if he wants to stay with you, tell your ex to give you more notice next time. That's the best you can do.

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The timing issue (which you mentioned after my reply) was not good for sure.

 

That is the only mitigating factor IMHO... Then it's your call. You can let him go & tell your ex that you can't promise you can make any "spur of the moment" things happen in the future & that you need X amount of notice..

 

Or... You can say it is not enough notice & have him stay with you..

 

But... what seemed to bother you originally was that he wanted him on Mother's Day & not the short notice. You did not mention the time at the outset at all... Only when there were some replies stating to let your son go...

 

Only point I'm getting at is to not, not let your son go because you have negative feelings... Poor time factor considered you could still let him go with the caveat that without more notice it can't be the case most of the time.

 

Maybe it was something that came up last minute on his part with this family gathering, etc...

 

Anyway - given the time... Your call...

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Also it isn't like I Knew about this party in advance.. I just got the message yesterday from them.. I have had plans since the beginning of the year with my family that involves my son.

 

Then you can blow it off. You've made plans, the kid's B-day isn't till June.

 

Sounds like a power trip to me.

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