On the subject of attractiveness

[thefireisoutanyway]

I know that I have a rather negative self-image, but I do know for a fact that in general a lot of people find me... unattractive, at least at the level of physical attractiveness. The weight gain didn't help much either, probably.

 

There has been at least 3 girls who's told me otherwise, though their comments seem to vary, and the assertiveness of that statement varies as well, going from moderate to very strong.

 

While I'm very happy to hear these words, though they may be just empty words, it also makes me a bit puzzled. I've broken it down into three possibilities:

 

1) I'm wrong about people finding me unattractive

2) These girls don't fit into the "general" population

3) They are just being nice to me, because they are aware of my negative body image, and as a friend, they want to be supportive.

 

These are all I could think of. What I don't get is, if these girls are giving their honest opinion, then it feels like I should have some success in the rabid fan-girl department. But statistically speaking, the probability of me successfully wooing a girl is 0%.

 

What is going on here? Is it really option 3)?

[anbreeuh]

But statistically speaking, the probability of me successfully wooing a girl is 0%.

 

Therein lies your problem. Have you tried said 'wooing' before? If not, get out there, put your best foot forward, and learn to be confident in WHO YOU ARE as a human being, and love yourself. That will radiate above and beyond any physical or material aspect of you.

[rusty_boi]

ive dated quite a few girls who arent that physically attractive because of their personality, reality is that some people get more attractive due to their confidence and personality and some people get less attractive due to their lack of confidence and personality. My point is, that if you are confident in who you are and "own" or embrace your flaws then you actually become more attractive to the opposite sex.

 

i used Paul Mckennas hypnotherapy for confidence tape, and its worked a treat in the conifdence department. And anything that i was once conscious about i no longer care about. As a result i have more girls in the mix (my only problem is im picky

[Anyway]

While I'm very happy to hear these words, though they may be just empty words, it also makes me a bit puzzled. I've broken it down into three possibilities:

 

1) I'm wrong about people finding me unattractive

2) These girls don't fit into the "general" population

3) They are just being nice to me, because they are aware of my negative body image, and as a friend, they want to be supportive.

 

Maybe 1), maybe 2) or maybe 3)...who cares? The most important thing is what you think of yourself! Love yourself and you'll be loved.

[Bartok]

Maybe 1), maybe 2) or maybe 3)...who cares? The most important thing is what you think of yourself! Love yourself and you'll be loved.

I'd like to think that it's their loss if they don't like me, but I can't help wondering if I'm not as awesome as I think I am.

[dr_styles]

I know that I have a rather negative self-image, but I do know for a fact that in general a lot of people find me... unattractive, at least at the level of physical attractiveness. The weight gain didn't help much either, probably.

 

I'm not deliberately trying to trick people with word play but I take these are different, though the actual outcome remains the same.

Just through Emprical evidence (i.e. what I've seen my whole life/long time) I can conclude that I'm not attractive. And yes that does carry the typical self-image hit. Un-attractive, maybe, but I still have a bit of self-esteem in me to not play the ugly card.

 

What does this mean in the scheme of things, no idea, LOL. I suppose I'm just putting out my definition of attractive - that is you attract people/girls, which I don't.

[thefireisoutanyway]

Hey, thanks for all the replies!

 

Taking all of your inputs together... I've come up with a type of a conclusion.

 

1. Because of my low self-image and lack of confidence, people in general do not find me attractive, especially people who meet me for the first time.

 

2. Around friends, I'm much more comfortable, I'm much less self-conscious and the whole negative self-image thing doesn't even come into play.

 

3. This display of 'confidence' probably makes me 'attractive' to my friends.

 

In short, my friends are the only people who'd ever find me attractive. Which is kind of a problem when it comes to girls -- they won't find me hot until we've gone into the friends zone.

 

I guess there is only one thing to do then...

 

Join a monastery and live a life of abstinence.