Jump to content

Online dating noob...


spidey112
TikTok Advice For Relationships Suc...
TikTok Advice For Relationships Sucks

Recommended Posts

I posted a question on another thread, but it was kinda off topic, and I felt like a hypocrite because I hate it when people get off topic in the threads, so I decided to post a new one.

I just got out of a relationship, was the hardest breakup I've been through. I figured I might as well "get back on the horse" and try dating again. Problem is, I'm in AA, so going to bars to meet women is out of the question, I've got a strict policy, based on experience, about dating co-workers (only one at my job I'd even consider anyway is married), my gym is full of older or married women, and I'm always too into my own workout anyway, and in this town, there really just isn't anywhere to meet women if you don't drink, so I decided to try the online thing. What are the best sites? I'm in an entry level position rite now, so money is tight. Does anybody have any tips for approaching women online? I prefer to be honest, and AA has taught me alot about honesty, so I'm not gonna lie about who I am. Any general rule of thumb for how long you should chat before exchanging numbers, meeting up, etc? I'm in my early 30's, if that has any bearing. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im 20, and i used online dating. I actually met my current bf off okcupid, we have been together a year and hope to have a future together. We actually live together now, and do plan to get married once we are further in school. so I can preach to the success!

 

I was on a few, link removed, link removed, there was a few others but i don't remember. link removed, i know eharmony but that costs. just google free dating sites.

 

I say take it slow, and judge how the other person is. Being the guy its your job to initiate most of the conversations. I hardly emailed anyone, i waited for a guy to email me then I responded if I was interested.

 

Don't leave your profile blank. I hated that. I felt they were hiding something. I never just left it to that, unless there was something I hated I would still reply back. Heck, my bf's page had things i wasn't interested in but look at us now.

 

Try to show your good qualities, you are in AA not you are an alcoholic. etc. you are recovering and doing a good job, it has taught you things. ETC. that is if you want to include that. And then just start checking out profiles and start emailing people. (congrats on the AA! I am proud of you!)

 

Don't email with, will you marry me, will you * me, or things like that.. I got those. CREEPY! but just a nice short email, hi, how are you. I saw your profile and thought we had some things in common. email me back if you are interested in talking. If there was anything in particular about her profile mention that. Anything to keep the convo going. ask a question.

 

As far as meeting. it varied. 90% of the time my number was not given out until the first date. Either at it, or before it case we might need help finding eachother. It always took place in public. so you might want to suggest public nicely to make her feel comfortable. As for how long it took to get that first date, it depended. Sometimes it was just im bored, so someone asked so I will go shoot pool to get out of the house. others it was we talked for several weeks.

 

My bf and I talked for several weeks before he got the first date. I think that helped, because I was not ready to rush things. and when I went out with a guy he seemed to rush it. It was nice for once to be able to just talk for a while.

 

Mostly just judge a girl. if you guys seem to be hitting it off ask if she wants to meet up for coffee, pool, dinner, movie, bowling, etc. depending.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, way more advice that I was expecting in a single post. I'm working on my profile on okcupid rite now. I did like you said (before you said it) and made sure to include "recovering" with the word "alcoholic", but I feel it VERY important to be honest on this, as I know the deck is stacked very heavily against me as far as belivability of guys online.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honesty is the best. If she ever finds out one small thing is a lie (as a girl will if it goes anywhere) it can ruin a completely good thing.

 

Like I said, the guy I am with had things on his page that made me want to say no. but by talking to him I fell in love. not all girls give that chance, but I am sure you will find some who will. besides you don't want to be with someone who wont.

 

I think of all I tried i like okcupid the best. the profiles were very indepth and they have a thing, I cant remember what it was called. but it was a report or something, it was some weird name. but if you answer some of the question type things they have to match you, (oh ya, * * * report). the * * * report shows you questions you didn't match someone on. its pretty cool.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I prefer not to get emails that say something very generic like "I saw your profile and liked what I saw and maybe we can chat sometime". They didn't show me that they read my profile, even if they did. So many guys do that and I don't usually write back to those. So my biggest suggestion is to make your email short (maybe a few sentences) but make sure you put something in there that'd clue her in that you read her profile (don't just mention the pictures--include something you read).

 

How long have you been in recovery? Congrats on it!

 

Are you sure you're ready to date after a hard breakup? Make sure you're not just rebounding.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rebounding isn't healthy, especially if you're in recovery (I'm a 12-stepper myself). I've rebounded while in recovery and I only stood to get hurt and annoyed with the guy I rebounded with. So be careful.

 

Thanks for the compliment. I'm always itching for more but need to save some money. Erg...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I definitely second what hersmudders said--when I was on dating sites, I absolutely HATED the generic, "I liked your pic, wanna chat?" messages. Try to be a little humorous, make it seem like you read her profile, even if it's as simple as, "I see you like (X), I like (X) too. Where is your favorite place to do it?" just to show your interest.

 

Definitely a + that you're honest about your recovery and AA (congrats to you for that).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...