Jetta Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 My ex-husband is getting married. My daughter told me this evening that their wedding will take place in the same month we were married, only on his mother's birthday. He's really a jerk IMO. There are 11 months left in the year, why would pick the month we were married, which also happens to be his daughters birthmonth? Selfish and inconsiderate. Part of me is glad they're finally making it official so he quits bringing women into my daughters life, she already has boundry issues because of his dating around and flashing them all in front of her when she was just a toddler. The other part of me hoped that he loved me and wouldn't marry anyone else. A little crazy to think that I know, but I always hoped he come around again. Now it's officially over. Link to comment
DN Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I doubt that he chose that date to annoy you. More likely it was chosen jointly by him and his fiancée for reasons that were convenient for them. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I am sorry you are feeling badly. I don't know your story and why your marriage with him didn't work. If he was dating around a lot it was inevitable that he would re-marry. I think it is a lot easier for men..when they want to get married there are plenty of women who are looking to get married so the man will generally find a willing partner. Women have a tougher time because while they may find a relationship, it is harder to find a man who wants to get married. Just look at singles events and how many more women there are than men. Link to comment
aprilshowers41 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 i'm sorry also, i know how you feel, my ex that i was with for 10 years married someone else only 2 months after we broke up, talk about devestating. it does make you realize that its really over and thats not a good feeling . but it also put me in the mind frame of getting on with my life. i agree with you though, i would be very annoyed at the fact that he chose the same month as your wedding. i feel you on that. and it does seem to me that it is alot easier for men to find someone to marry than it is for a woman. that stinks! hope you feel better.... Link to comment
Jetta Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 Thanks April. If I were her I wouldn't want to marry in the same month we did, but maybe she doesn't know. Also guess I'm done blowing off guys directly or indirectly. Time to get serious. Link to comment
DN Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I really don't think that people who are marrying would give a second thought to a particular month their fiancé was married on a previous occasion. If it were the same church or reception hall, or wore the same suit or dress that would be different. But it is possible that a lot of his friends and family will also be there who were at his previous wedding and I don't think his fiancé could reasonably object to that either. I think you are taking this way too personally. They are marrying for their own reasons and I would be surprised if they made any of the arrangements in order to make you feel bad. I understand you are bitter - but weren't you the one who wanted the divorce? I hope you haven't expressed any of this to your daughter. Link to comment
keenan Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I'm sorry, too, Jetta. My ex of 10+ years re-married just days after our divorce was final...on my birthday! Sometimes you just have to throw up your hands, look to the sky, and laugh. 'Cause what else can you do? Link to comment
Jetta Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 OMG on your birthday. That's just odd. It's like he wants some memory of you or something. No DN I haven't expressed this but my mom has. She's in agreement with me that's it's just not done. Link to comment
DN Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I just don't understand why the same month is such a big deal. They could have chosen it for all sorts of reasons including availability of venues or maybe as a joint celebration of his mother's birthday. If it were the same date and time perhaps there might be an ulterior motive but the same month? Link to comment
keenan Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I don't know...I kind of get where you're coming from. My birthday month was also the month that we married in, so there's a part of me that feels like...hey, this was our special corner of the year. Let them go find their own corner! Why sully this particular memory by putting something else on top of it. Maybe that's irrational, and DN is right that we're being overly sensitive, but I do think that people develop associations with big events like anniversaries and time of year. I associate that month with the season it's in, the surrounding holidays, events that typically take place...it's like one whole package. I just figure, couldn't they offset it by at least a month? So I see what you mean. Link to comment
DN Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I suppose I see what you mean but when someone has been separated for so long and divorced for quite a while I doubt that thoughts about their ex really enter their head when making arrangements like this. They are looking to the future not the past. Imagine if you were getting married and your fiancé said "Not that month - that's the month when I was married to my ex and I don't want to upset her when she gets to hear about it." - do you think you would be impressed by his sensitivity or annoyed that he would consider her angst over your preference for your wedding day? Link to comment
keenan Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I suppose I see what you mean but when someone has been separated for so long and divorced for quite a while I doubt that thoughts about their ex really enter their head when making arrangements like this. They are looking to the future not the past. Imagine if you were getting married and your fiancé said "Not that month - that's the month when I was married to my ex and I don't want to upset her when she gets to hear about it." - do you think you would be impressed by his sensitivity or annoyed that he would consider her angst over your preference for your wedding day? Oh, of course you are absolutely right. I think this is why it especially rankles...you realize that they just absolutely do not care at ALL about the past because they are so focused on their future. And this is how it should be! We should all be moving on and looking toward a happy future. But at the same time, for the person left in the dust it's just one more tire tread accross the face. Link to comment
Jetta Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 I don't expect him to say that, I just expect him to say I was married in that month, let's choose a month for us. Marriage is a santity event. They should have their own santity of marriage (it seems to tarnish the new to me). Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 i agree with DN - i think you are taking it too seriously. it probably had more to do with their work/vacation schedules and venue availablility. i mean, it's not the sort of thing i would read into at all, i think this decision had nothing to do with you at all. and yes, you wanted the divorce in the first place, right? Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I don't expect him to say that, I just expect him to say I was married in that month, let's choose a month for us. Marriage is a santity event. They should have their own santity of marriage (it seems to tarnish the new to me). did you two used to celebrate your anniversary for one month straight?! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 OMG on your birthday. That's just odd. It's like he wants some memory of you or something. No DN I haven't expressed this but my mom has. She's in agreement with me that's it's just not done. I agree with you. I think marrying the second person the same month as the first person is a way of covering up the first marriage and making that month a celebration of the second marriage rather than the first. It may not have been a deliberate slam at you but it was a way for him to have a different association with that month..the association with his new marriage not his old marriage. Certainly as the fiance I would not be pleased to have the marriage in the same month as the old marriage. Link to comment
DN Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I think that the idea that someone would choose a wedding day in the same month as a previous one for any other reason than the convenience of the bridal pair is risible. The fact that many people complain that their husbands (and sometimes wives) can't even remember their anniversary is partly evidence for that. And the fact that most people find that choosing a date for a wedding is driven by church and reception venue, availability of guests, vacation schedule, honeymoon availability (many people who have to travel prefer to do so in vacation season) and, in this particular case, his mother's birthday. Many people find their first choice of date isn't possible for one or more of these reasons. It seems to me that sometimes people look for reasons to be offended by what an ex does - like putting photos with their new SO on facebook, or doing some activity they used to do together with their new partner. It says much more about the person offended than the ex because it means that they haven't moved on and are angry that their ex has. It is especially ironic when the person offended is the person who exited the relationship. Link to comment
alcide Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Sorry thats the way it has to end, but life goes on let not your heart be troubled. Its not worth it, now there he probably laughing out loud. while you thinking of what might have been. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I know it must hurt that he's moved on. But dont think about it too much, its probably not to get at you, the harder thought is maybe he didnt even think of you when making the decision on when to marry his girlfriend. Stay strong. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 But jetta was the one who wanted to divorce!!! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.