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My GF doesn't trust me ..


SanSerif

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This is going to have to be a lot shorter than I originally intended, but here goes:

 

We said 'I love you' today as we parted for work. But are those just words? I feel inclined to think so after the words she chose to use for me last night.

 

I have been in an up-and-down roller coaster of a relationship with my girlfriend for just over 2 years. It has been up-and-down because of my ex girlfriend, whom I have not spoken to or seen or tried to contact or responded to for 1.5 years. Even in those brief 5 mo. or so when I was still in 'contact' with her I never wanted to pursue anything with her. Friends don't rip each others' hearts out. Granted, it took me a while to realize this .. and my girlfriend didn't really have any conception of the time it takes to heal after someone special dumps you. We jumped right into it right after my ex dumped me. Needless to say, I still had a lot of soul-searching and just trying to pick up the pieces to do. She said she didn't care.

 

Anyways, now every time we have a fight she'll say things like .. "I bet her P*ssy was better than mine .. u still want it dont you?"

 

Or "Why are you judging other people's relationships? You put up with that other b*tch for so long ... you're not even that strong".

 

Rest assured that around a year ago I would reassure her that I just needed to heal when we first got together that's why I seemed distant or confused ... but that's all part of the process...she was the first girl I fell for. I'm completely over it now and have been for a long time.

 

I get no understanding from my girlfriend on this .. just extreme jealousy. I have never cheated on her.

 

I can't even go to friends' houses when there may be some unaccounted for female there that I didn't plan on being there, just to be with my life-long friend since 6th grade. She flips out and threatens that it's over. After 2 years.

 

I've gotta go and there's more to the story, but there it is for now.

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I think she didn't get at the beginning of the relationship the attention she wanted, that caused uncertainty and now resentment. In an ideal world you both should have waited a bit but the way things stand now it's a bit difficult for both actually. You feel pressured she feels unstable. Are you maybe a bit passive in the way you speak to her? Do you put her in her place?

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She is displaying child like behavior with her jealousy and verbal attacks about your ex so treat her like a child and your job is simple. Set boundries and if they are broken you make her pay. Just like a child who crosses the line has to be taught that what they are doing is wrong she probably has an under developed emotional side which has to be shaped up and fast. Example: Next time she verbally smashes you with statements about your ex you tell her next time she does that you will walk away and not talk to her for a day or two. She will probably test that limit so make sure you stick to it. Once she learns you dont take smack from her she will either have to change her ways or loose you and if she chooses to loose you then its her loss why would you want to be with someone like that anyway

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I would have to agree with quirky girl on this, when my bf and I first got together, he lied about not having a girl, when he infact did, and they lived together. even after almost 3 years, since we been together, i can't trust him no matter how much i love him. Things people do in the past and really hurt those in the present. I know you are not in the same situation, but the 5 months you was in contact with your ex, you might have did something that your girl now feels was inappropriate giving her the insecurity, but all that nasty stuff she said is alittle cruel, when we fight, i never mentions her name except that "why is she so fat???" when we see her around. lol.

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Well, it's a bit more complicated than I had originally stated.

 

When I met my girl, I had been dumped 2 weeks before by my ex. I obviously was dealing with some hardcore feelings I'd never had before.

 

I met my girlfriend, and we dated, and I told her what was going on.

 

My ex called me a month later after very little contact, and I, like a * * * * * and an idiot and a stupid*ass, decided to give it another go with her. I made her promise it wouldn't end the way it did initially.

 

I'm sure everyone reading this can predict what happened shortly thereafter.

 

Anyways, I got *back with my girlfriend after that. She said no problem, let's just start over. I was so relieved. Don't think that from my blindness of action that I condone any of the things I did or that I am innocent. I have learned from my mistakes.

 

I love to write. I write about random stuff, I write about things kind of like in a journal. I just do it. Writing is something that I have always loved. A few months later, I wrote a goodbye letter to my ex (inspired by a thread started on this site, one which would never be sent but just expressed the feelings you had when it ended, for the purposes of finding closure to some degree).

 

I had no closure when things ended with my ex. Since I thought her and I were starting out a fresh slate the 2nd time around and that things wouldn't end the way they did before .. when she ended it for the 2nd time I just acted like I didn't care and laughed and said something like 'well we were both fooling ourselves anyways'. It killed me, going through all of that. But I knew it would happen at some level, so I hid the satisfaction that she might have gained by hurting me for a f*cking 2nd time and acted like 'who cares?'. Not that it matters but she did try to contact me many times after that for almost a year. I did not respond.

 

So anyways I write this letter that I will never send to my ex for personal closure reasons, not because I have romantic feelings for her.

 

My girlfriend searches my computer, finds it, and waits for me to get home from work to stage an intervention style interrogation.

 

That was mine. It was private. It wasn't for anybody else but me. And she found it and exploited it and thought I still loved my ex. That hurt.

 

Anyways ever since that .. and not even necessarily just that .. but other things unrelated to my previous relationship ... she brings it up and it Destroys me inside every time she does it. I have told her to stop. I have told her to not bring it up. I have told her to do like I have done, and just focus on our future. Jealousy prevails. She is jealous of a ghost, and there is not much I can do about it.

 

She is excellent and wonderful in almost every single way other than her constant blaming me for my past imperfections. I am a good and decent man. There is a future here .. and I don't know if it is through this behavior or in the absence of it but I do see one.

 

Does anyone here think I am crazy for trying to stick it out with her?

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No, you are not crazy it is difficult for both of you..As I said in my first reply she didn't get the attention she needed at the beginning of the relationship and that has caused a great insecurity cos really in her eyes she came second and noone likes that. The thing is you can sit her down and talk to her and reassure her and tell her all she needs -not wants-to know to understand there is no threat, that this doesn't help the relationship move forward and how much you want it to move forward..but she will have to make an effort as well to trust you and overcome what has seemed to her as a "rejection".

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