How do you stop being too sensitive?

[WomanWriter]

I feel really embarrassed after a horrible experience.

 

Today I went to do some Mother's Day shopping at a nearby department store. I waited in line to be checked out and all was fine. Then when I got up to the line, the cashier started screaming about how it was time for her to get off work, how "some people" (I) were "so rude" and didn't "respect" that other people have to leave. She flung her arm at me and screamed, "Can't you see that I'm leaving! What is wrong with you people?" She made such a scene and caught me so off-guard that I started crying uncontrollably.

 

I could barely talk but said "FINE. I WON'T BOTHER YOU" and moved to a long line. Then she grabbed my shopping cart and pulled it into her line and said she was going to get in trouble if she didn't wait on me. I refused and said "NO, That's OK. I don't need your service." But it was too late. She grabbed the things in my cart and threw them on the check out counter. I was trying to stop the crying but broke down and started bawling loudly.

 

She asked, "What's wrong with you?" I didn't say anything at first. I didn't know why my reaction was so irrational. I mean, I worked retail when I was younger and know how it is. I also know her rude attitude had nothing to do with me personally. But for some reason, I just kept crying.

 

So anyway, I finally said "It's my boyfriend. He broke up with me." (I don't know why I told her that). She said she was sorry and told me to go sit down on a bench for a few minutes. I said "No, that's Ok," took my stuff and left.

 

I cried all the way home. I don't know if the reaction was from her or the fact that there were a lot of mushy love songs on the store radio. As I was shopping, I felt horrid because there were a lot of songs about people being lucky to have found the One for them, songs about being rejected, etc.

I just felt so angry, abandoned.

 

I also looked for some cute bras/panties...stuff I would have not wanted to buy with me ex. He used to want me to wear cuter underwear/bras/negligees and I told him I didn't really want to. But today I felt like buying some matching sets. Sadly, I now have no one to wear them for except myself. I saw some cute negliges I wish I could wear but no one to wear them for.

 

I don't know why things seem to be going pretty well for a few days, then I just get this awful triggers. Why am I so sensitive? Even though I read self-help books and try to be strong, I can't avoid certain things. They push me like a button, then come the waterworks

[InRecovery]

I was wondering something similar.

 

Some people are naturally more sensitive. I don't know if there's anything that can be done to control it. I like to think that it means when things are good we get more out of them then other people. All about taking the rough with the smooth.

 

I remember from some of your past messages how you didn't seem to be going a few days with everything being alright. Now it seems the bad days are less frequent and I think in time, the further away from the situation you get the less impact these triggers will have on you.

 

I can relate to your situation a lot. There isn't a quick fix unfortunately and I've tried a few, its just going to take time.

 

Don't be embarressed, I've done plenty worse

[anbreeuh]

I am the same way you are, dear. I have days where someone can look at me the wrong way, and I'll end up in hysterics. It's all a part of who we are. Sure, some might say, "take some time and get some more backbone." But who are they to judge the life you live? All-in-all: how the cashier responded was completely out of line, and I hope she was punished in some way for being so downright rude to a customer. Has she forgotten that her job entitles her to serve people, and it is YOU who is keeping her on that pay role? I don't think she understands. I would have started to cry, as well. So, don't feel ashamed of yourself in that aspect.

 

If you want to stop being so sensitive, I would first learn not to take things to heart. This means understanding that you are a strong, confident person who's feelings and emotions are completely reliant on your perception of the situation at hand. I.E. you took her outlandish antics to be even somewhat influenced by your action of being in line at a somewhat inopportune time on her behalf. If you were to change your thinking to making yourself believe that she is just having a bad day or is maybe a little crazy, and it is NOT your fault, you probably wouldn't have cried.

 

Just stuff like that. I rambled a little bit, hope it helped at all.. but IMHO--the world needs more sensitivity. Cheers.

[top bloke]

As a man I can say that upsetting things tend to reach breaking point and it is quite healthy to release those pent up anxieties. Cry...punch a bag..get it out. Release the anxiety associated with the pain of the problem.This way you will start to heal and see life clearer. Hope this helps.

[hmdreamer7]

I don't know anything about this past relationship of yours, but it sounds like you're being overly hard on yourself. This cashier person yelled at you for something that was not your fault, yet you reacted to it by crying, which may mean that you were taking it personally and that you believed that it was your fault? You realized that it had nothing to do with you as well, but you reacted in a way that you didn't want to do. Look at this situation as a learning experience - you reacted by crying, but how would you prefer to react? Act out that situation in your mind, and tell yourself that not only is this what you want to do, but it's what you will do, the next time you're in a similar situation. I used to feel like wanting to cry at work all the time last year when I was going through a bad breakup (I was a teacher at the time), and it was so hard to remain composure while dealing with a classroom full of unruly kids who are doing nothing but raising your blood pressure! Breakups are hard, but this too shall pass. Hang in there!! Plus, who cares if you have no one to wear that lingerie for but yourself!? I say wear it and enjoy it, it'll make you feel sexy all day long

[agent1607307371]

You shouldn't be embarrassed, her behaviour was totally inappropriate, and she should get into trouble for it (I've worked in a supermarket when I was younger and know how rude customers can be, but as an employee, you're paid to behave in a good manner).

 

I don't think it was a case of you being over-sensitive, it's just it's all closer to the surface right now. Either way, she was way out of line.

[HeartGoesOn]

WW

 

Don't worry, you're very normal. Sometimes you just have to "let it all out."

 

Hugssssssss

[tulipsfav]

You have nothing to feel embarrased about! You were verbally abused by someone who deals with the public everyday, this woman obviously is very rude and has lack of respect for the human race.

 

You should sit down and write an official complaint to the stores manager and let him/her know what kind of a crazed woman they have employed. Am so sorry you are feeling like this.

I wonder how many customers go else where for their things?

[sadstuff]

I am the exact same way! The day me and my bf broke up I ended up having my yearly doctors appointment.. and just her asking about my sexual activities and number of partners made me cry right in front of her! I was so embarrassed! this phase will pass... but it did take me at least a couple of month...

[Creative]

You are just who you are.

 

But if this is in the back of your mind so often that it distracts your mood/function then it becomes a problem. Is it?

[ladybug726]

I don't think it is necessarily just who you are. It could be that you're going through a break-up. I'm very touchy for the first few months after a break-up.

 

Other than that, that lady sounds like a horribly mean person.

[Creative]

I don't think it is necessarily just who you are. It could be that you're going through a break-up. I'm very touchy for the first few months after a break-up.

 

Other than that, that lady sounds like a horribly mean person.

 

Then that's who you under a break up. You are, in a way, like her.

 

I see a spider and I freak out more so than others. That's how I respond, but it doesn't bother me and I just assume people can understand that some people are just more afraid of spider than others.

[createhappiness]

awww, womanwriter. i'm so sorry to hear the woman was being so rude and short with you and made you feel so bad. you're going through a lot and it's totally normal to have reacted in the store that way.

 

i've had a crying experience recently too, a little different. was sitting in a cafe studying and a girl came to visit her friend sitting next to me and started sobbing about the recent fight w/ her ex, how she thinks they are going to break-up because her bf is treating her so badly. of course, i get reminded of my ex. since my whole break-up i've been sooo empathetic about people's pain, and 2 minutes into listening to this stranger at the cafe, i'm crying in my books over her soon to be break-up! i just had to laugh at the situation to myself on my way home

[fiatyamaha]

when it gets to a point where you no longer give a shyt, you will stop being so sensitive.

[jennamajig]

OP, your post is something I can relate to 100%. In fact, my sensitivity is something that my ex didn't like - he wasn't a person that released anything and I released too much. I thought we balanced each other, but in the end, he was just able to be cold/shut himself off easier than I was because of my sensitive nature. I curved myself in that moment as it makes letting go so much harder for me!

 

It's odd...most big things I can deal with fine, but little things can make me ball. It's usually a reaction actually to the bigger thing that I've been trying to shut off and then the smaller thing hits and it is like the straw the breaks the camel's back. The rational part of my brain knows that is nothing to be upset about. Heck, I once starting cyring in the dentist's office after an insurance mix-up that related in a $25 co-pay (not even a lot of money)! But in reality, I was reacting to my over-all back luck that week (car accident, seeing my ex, etc) and the dentist's office just opened the dam. You're dealing with stress and perhaps the rude way the cashier treated you opened a dam you're trying to hold together. It has nothing to do with whether or not the cashier's feelings were your fault or not, either.

 

Now, here's the issue - how do you deal with it? For you, it could be temporary...as more times passes, you will adjust better. For me, I've been over-sensitive and beat-up myself my while life (my mom never had to punish me - I was hard enough on myself with my feelings and guilt!). I'm grown a thicker skin in recent years, but my break-up opened up feelings I'd thought I'd overcome. I kinda went back to square one and I'm slowly taking deep breathes to control feelings within myself. I swallow back some tears, and try to focus on a good thing in my life to get past the stupid thing that is making me upset. Slow process, but it is helping. I don't ever want to stop being sensitive, as is a part of me that helps me feel compassion, but I want to reign it enough to take things in stride when I need to.

 

Hope some of this helps.