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Met guy off dating website...seems kinda weird now? advice needed...


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About 3 weeks ago I registered for that Plenty-of-Fish site. I went there looking for friends/new people to hang with in my area. After being on the site about 2 days, a guy sent me a message and we got to talkin on there. He was on there looking for a "LTR" though...After a few days, we eventually exchanged phone numbers...


He started sending me texts everyday...just good mornings, how are you, and a few "flirty" text messages. He'd always flirt...then if I tried to flirt back, he'd change subjects. We talked on the phone once...neither of us (especially me) like talkin on the phone though.


Anyways...after three weeks of talkin and being on a dating website, if the guy has interest in me (he sends me flirty texts everyday), then I thought he'd ask me on a date, but no...however, the other day I told him we should meet up after my class, and he was all for it...I couldn't do it though because something else came up in between that time...SO basically, he wont ask me to go anywhere, but if I ask him he'll do it.


Here's the part that I'm mostly seeking answers for though...last night I got kind of suspicious about this guy, so I went on Google and typed in his username (he uses the same one every site he goes to)...and I found that he was a member on these "adult" websites where they (men) are looking to be "escorts" to women...and he's also looking for a woman who he can "dominate" for the most part.


The last time he logged into those sites was in late March/early April, before we met...so I dunno if he's still looking for the same stuff?


I dunno...I actually really like this guy from what I've gotten to know from him over 3 weeks time...but after finding out this stuff last night, I dunno what to think or do? I sure as hell don't want to be with some guy who plays the field and who thinks he can control the woman..

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Sounds kinda...creepy. Is this a common thing on "plenty of fish" I've seen ads, but haven't ever gone in for the whole internet dating thing. Trying to get over my ex, I was thinking a little harmless dating might not be a bad idea. Unfortunately, I'm in AA, and don't really get out much, and all my friends are dudes, so my options for meeting someone are REALLY limited.

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Forget about him...you don't have anything invested so you have nothing to loose.


I've met three great guys from plentyoffish and it took me, on average, a couple of months of reading and deleting tons of e-mails to find them.


My advice would be to make a list of standards that each guy has to meet before you'll reply to their message. If something is missing...delete! Then, when you've found a guy who lives up to your criteria, start e-mail or chatting online. If you learn anything you don't like about them or if there are any red flags...stop talking to them! After that, add them to facebook and creep on them...you can learn a lot about a person's profile. If you're still interested, give them a call and arrange a coffee date and then go from there.


That's what I do and it's worked for me.


Don't settle for the first person who messages you.


Good luck

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Here are the red flags in your situation...


He is looking for a LTR and you arent...I wouldn't have even replied to his message.


He started texting you everyday, right of the bat...creepy...clingy?


He continually changed the subject when you flirted...weird...controlling?


He won't ask you out...possible lack of confidence but may not be a big deal.


He is registered with erotic services sites...ummm, I don't care whether it was before you met or not...RED FLAG...unless you're into that sort of thing.


Hun...there is absolutely no need for you to settle for this guy!!! You deserve better!!!

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Guys from the internet are (very) experienced in the art of cyber-dating. They know which buttons in a woman to push & how to get them at their weakest. All you knkow, the guy might be doing it behind the back of his wife or finace or even a steady girlfriend in whom he is commited??


The reason why he is doing it on the internet is because he is checking out his market-value or else looking for a person who would settle as the 3rd party in his cheating. Like one of my (male) friends told me 2 days ago: 'In online dating websites, i am never serious. I am not looking to meet a girl. I just want to check out that my market value is still there.


Do you want to date such a guy then??


A serious & sincere man is hard to find online. If you have found his profile on AFF or some sites like this, it is better to cut him off... You have clear priorities & that doesn't include guys who wants to waste your time online... be it taking you for cyber-ride or trying to charm your socks out too fast to soon.

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the thing is...this guy actually goes to my college. I have never met him, but he goes there.


He isn't the first guy who messaged me on there...I've actually been talking to him plus a couple of others...but there was something I liked about him.


And yes I registered looking for friends, but also stated in my about me section that I'd be willing to try a relationship again if I met anyone worth it and all...



since he wont see me in person...or doesn't care to talk on the phone much...I sent him a text about an hour and a half ago asking him what exactly he was looking for...he replied with "a serious relationship..." and I asked, "yes, but what kind of person/girl?" and he has yet to respond...I think I scared him off

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I think you are probably right...I need to cut off contact with the dude...


I know what I want in a guy, and I guess he's not the person I *assumed* him to be when I met him on that site....


About the whole "steady girlfriend" thing...he told me that he and his ex broke up about 4 months ago...so I dunno...

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Only if you don't know where to look. There are some serious and sincere men out there (ahem) that don't get their profile looked at at all because it doesnt have the 'flash' that women are looking for. It's more of a picture/numbers game than actual dating.


Yes, most men on the net can be sleazy, but some of us aren't. We just aren't the ones you give a 2nd glance most times.


For example, I get told a lot from girls I've dated or know as friends that I am very attractive. However, when I tried online dating, I was lucky if my profile got 1 view a week. And yet these sleaze balls online are getting their kicks off sites like Craigslist without so much as a picture, posting explicit statements and derogatory comments, and women flock to it.


Be careful, and know that no time invested is nothing lost. Research is a great thing.

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What you are saying here is also true. A lot of girls are also 'playing' the field. In my opinion, it is always much better to meet someone in real life.


The problem is that a lot of people on dating online sites thinks that their remarks, actions & behavior on the net aren't important. That is why so many thinks that defamatory remarks & sleak pics are cool.


In my opinion, the people who are doing these things in the net are really lonely people in their real lifes. I feel sorry for the people who are real & sincere there.. These people exists but they are really the little minority there & everyone i hope that one of these don't get too burned by their online experience to either turn away or else join the sleaky group.

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I think you are probably right...I need to cut off contact with the dude...


I know what I want in a guy, and I guess he's not the person I *assumed* him to be when I met him on that site....


About the whole "steady girlfriend" thing...he told me that he and his ex broke up about 4 months ago...so I dunno...


Remember one thing: Action speaks louder than words!!

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