I don't feel like I'm treated with much respect.

[TryingHard]

Hello everyone,

I have previous posts on other forums. But how would you all react to this scenario:

 

I worked hard to get a job in a city where my girlfriend is about to move. I searched for a job there because she wanted me to. Once I got the job, she told me she didn't want me to move. She said she didn't think she could be with a guy like me. We wind up going to dinner that night and she tells me she loves me and we start talking about long distance.

 

Three days ago after we hookup she says we can either break up now or in a few weeks when she moves. I ask is long distance an option. She says no. Later that afternoon she comes over and we decide to take things "day by day."

 

Last night she's drunk at the bar and tells me: "You are the hottest guy I've ever dated. You are the hottest guy in the bar. I just want to your brains out. If we move and are both miserable then maybe we can stay together. I just want you physically even though I know our personalities aren't right for each other."

 

She says something like this even though she knows all I want in the world is to be with her. I want to be with her- in her city, long distance, any type of arrangement.

 

In my opinion, her saying these things to me (even if she is under alot of stress in school and her/our future) is the equivalent of some guy physically abusing his girl just so he can watch her come back to him. Because for that guy, that's the only way he knows he's loved. Or maybe because he's just a jerk.

 

Before people respond in the manner I assume they will, know that it would hurt me to my core to think of her being with someone else, introducing another guy to her parents, etc.

[Mutley]

She ain't a keeper. Throw her back.

 

LET her introduce some other unlucky guy to her parents.

[Scorpion Fury]

 

 

Before people respond in the manner I assume they will, know that it would hurt me to my core to think of her being with someone else, introducing another guy to her parents, etc.

 

I know it will hurt, but you have to be able to accept reality. This chick sounds like a real piece of work. You're moving and finding a job in her city, and this is how she treats you?

[IMAbadman]

She ain't a keeper. Throw her back.

 

LET her introduce some other unlucky guy to her parents.

 

Yep... something smells fishy with this one. I agree, toss her back.

 

Come on bra... her comments and actions are totally disrespectful. Do you really see a long distance relationship with her working out?!?

[hockeyboy]

Before people respond in the manner I assume they will, know that it would hurt me to my core to think of her being with someone else, introducing another guy to her parents, etc.

 

Sometimes doing what needs to be done doesn't feel so good initially. In the long run, the sooner you end this the better.

[Roscoe]

Sorry to hear that dude, keep your chin up.

[Lepeka]

Why did you like her in the first place? It sounds like you will have an easier time liking someone else, and actually get something in return.

[DN]

She's using you. Never let anyone do that.

[TryingHard]

Thanks for the responses- somehow I predicted what they would be.

 

The person she has been recently isn't the woman I fell in love with. She's 25 and graduates/moves in 3 weeks.

 

When I arranged it so that we could move together- she was completely into it at first. Then we had some fights and I guess she felt trapped into the relationship if I came.

 

The other part that keeps me in the relationship is that she's admitted and I know that if we were to stay in this current city for a longer period of time that we would be together and not worrying about any of this. She's repeatedly told me how she wishes she had met me years ago (we've only been together 7 months = too early to be engaged, too late for it to be a casual fling).

 

This weekend is the last 'free' weekend we have before she graduates. She was supposed to make the plans for tonight and I'm supposed to handle tomorrow night's plans.

 

When I asked this morning if we were still on for tonight, she said she was really tired and asked if we could keep it low key. I told her it was her responsibility to plan something. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if she just called and said she's really tired.

 

For tomorrow, I want to surprise her with a homemade dinner (seared tuna and stuffed mushrooms) and with some theater tickets. I feel a bit foolish doing all that considering she's been an ass, but I don't want to regret not doing everything I could for our relationship.

 

Maybe after a nice dinner and show, I can tell her how her recent actions/words have been disrespectful and that they can't happen anymore. Am I just setting myself up for failure?

[TryingHard]

Lepeka,

Before the stress of our impending futures moves stressed our relationship, we were fantastic. We laughed, spent every second together, walks by the river, going out to dinner, it was incredible.

 

We still spend all our free time together. I think that's because we both miss each other too much when apart. There is still a shred of hope.

[Maya_A]

For tomorrow, I want to surprise her with a homemade dinner (seared tuna and stuffed mushrooms) and with some theater tickets. I feel a bit foolish doing all that considering she's been an ass, but I don't want to regret not doing everything I could for our relationship.

 

Please consider that you are not doing all you can for the relationship by doing these things but actually working against it. The more you keep doing things like this in light of her behaviors the more she will see she has complete control over you emotionally & will continue to abuse this. She will also see you as "doormat" rather than the nice, caring guy that you are.

 

Maybe after a nice dinner and show, I can tell her how her recent actions/words have been disrespectful and that they can't happen anymore. Am I just setting myself up for failure?

 

Yes- IMHO you are setting yourself up for failure. After a nice dinner isn't the time to bring up more negative discussions for one. It will ruin the evening (I can imagine her reaction) & you many end of feeling foolish for all you put into the evening.

 

Though the real issue here is not the timing but as others have said -- she is not into this relationship beyond using it for her own means. Maybe she was hinting on your moving out there as a "security blanket" for her own self.

 

I'm so sorry but I have to soooo strongly agree with the others... It's time to begin working through the loss of this relationship & also working through your own inner feelings so that you are not in a position where someone is taking advantage of you like this again.

 

I would not move if I were you... Let her go - the distance will be the best thing ever for your healing...

 

Best wishes to you...

[TryingHard]

Well don't worry- I didn't do the dinner/theater.

 

Last night was her night to do the planning for us- we went to a Greek festival with her friends. After we left all of them we came home. I asked her if that was all she had planned? Then she went into 'we're not right for each other..'

 

I told her that I was hoping she had planned something just for us so I could have planned the surprise dinner for tonight and felt justified in doing so.

 

She chose to go to an elective today. It finished at 2. It's 4:30 now and I just saw that she's on facebook.

 

Guess our weekend doesn't really matter to her.

[DN]

'we're not right for each other..'

 

She's right. Time for you to go find someone who is right for you. This one is wasting your time.

[TryingHard]

Yesterday I left her place early to come back to my place and get some work done. She went to a baby shower and called me immediately after. She had fixed a to-go plate of food for me and brought it over later in the evening.

 

She came over and we had fun. Just watched tv and made a few snacks. When she was getting tired she curled up in my lap and accidentally wiped some mascara on my shirt. I jokingly called her out on it. She responded with "well you better get used to it, you only have a month left of it."

 

I told her that wasn't cool and that I know we're both under alot of stress right now because the big moves we are making in our lives. She apologized for saying that. I also told her that the future is unknown but we don't have to necessarily close the door on us. I told her we can get through it. She nodded and agreed.

 

I told her I still care for her now as much as she used to care about me. She said she still cares for me.

 

I realize that I ask for advice on here and am now blatantly disregarding everyone's opinions. She isn't the terrible person I made her out to be. There is still alot of love in her for me. If she would just allow herself to lose her anxiety and stress about the future then we could be solid. If it helps with the frustrated readers- it makes me feel alot better to write out these thoughts.